Cinema PSYOPS

That's up.

Ah, fuck it. Nobody fucking cares anymore. And welcome to a very special episode of Cinema PsyOps. I have no fucking clue what number we left on and...

I don't really care. We're just going to do this as a special. It'll still get numbered on the next number up. You'll see that on the fucking feed, but I'm not too fucking worried about it right now. Joining me actually in the studio to do a commentary this week is my co-host Matt. Holy shit. First time since...

pre-covid yeah yeah it's been over five years man yeah it's been a long time like we talked about it post-covid but then the more i thought about it i was like no economically speaking it makes more sense to not waste gas just for you to get here yeah yeah yeah

That was an occurring cost. Right. And I also decided once I got the EV, I'm like, well, maybe I can start picking your ass up because it's all just a matter of charge. Yeah, that's true.

And it's really cheap to charge up my EV in town. It's great. That's nice. That's nice. There's a lot of spots you can charge up for free. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Exarbon just up the road from my house. Yeah. That.

little plaza area has plenty of EV charging ports. It's a little bit slower. It takes like a couple hours as opposed to like the DC fast charges, but there are certain spots you can charge for four hours for free. Nice.

And that is about enough to basically bring you up to 100%.

There you go. Or full charge, you know. But it's there. How long does a full charge last on your car? It depends upon how you drive it. The way I drive it, it lasts me about a week and a half, maybe. Week and a half, yeah. Give or take, yeah. Like about a tank of gas. Yeah. But I do drive it a little more.

economically, it's just so much less fun because it's so fast. Oh, of course. But we're not here to talk about that. We're actually here this week to do a commentary about well, we're going to do two.

We're going to do two specials. Yes. The first one we're going to do is Lowell Dean's Wolf Cop, which is basically takes place in Saskatchewan, which is the most Wisconsin-like province in Canada. Beautiful, beautiful country out here.

It's a beautiful country up there. Hey, I've been to Wisconsin. I'm not going to talk shit about it anymore. At least the general Madison area. Yeah, it's good shit. The lower parts of Wisconsin. Just don't get into the smaller towns. You'll be all right. Yeah, more or less. Madison is like... Stick around Madison.

Especially Madison, being a college town, that's kind of where you want it. It's like the Portland of Wisconsin. It's really cool. It's super hip. It's a hip little area, man. It's pretty liberal. Yeah, I could live there. I really could.

And the fucking cheese curds are to die for. The fucking A you are. Anything I've ever talked shit about. Unless you're not talking about fried, if you're talking about fresh ones, like raw, like not fried.

Make sure they squeak. If they don't squeak, then put them down. And they have to be at room temperature to squeak. Yes.

Which is safe to eat them because they are Kurds. They are Kurds. You can do that. I learned a lot while I was there, and I'm just going to say I will not talk shit about Wisconsin for anything other than sports just because that hurts you.

Well, okay, I understand that, but at the same time, fuck you. Well, go Badgers then? Yeah! But anyway, so...

I decided to do both Wolf Cop and Dark Match. That's going to be our Dark Match is going to be our second commentary. That's only available on Shudder. I mean, I could buy the DVD from Walmart and rip it and all of that, but that's too much like work. And that sounds like a lot. And if it were on Blu-ray, I would have bought it already. Yeah.

because I really do. Spoiler alert, I like Dark Match as well. But we're doing Wolf Cop up first, and that's what we're getting ready to do right now. Matt has not seen it in any way, shape, or form. Nope.

And he will be the judge of whether or not, based on the activities in Wolf Cop, if Saskatchewan, where it was filmed, is or is not the Wisconsin of the Great White North. Let's see it. All right. We're going to get started here in five, four, three.

two, one, and play. I'm so stoked for you, dude. Yeah. You're going to learn about liquor donuts in a way that you've never even thought possible.

I need a glazed donut and a bottle of anything to go. Well, that's just it. The glazed donut is a bottle of something. Nice. That's what a liquor donut is. Vortex. Words and pictures. That makes a movie.

Alright, so we're getting a little bit of world building here that gives you the history of what's going on in Wolf Cop. Yeah.

I mean, it kind of looks like Wisconsin already. It's a pretty much who's who of like...

various canadian actors you've seen in genre picture as well okay like that jonathan cherry guy shows up in a lot of shit nice yeah and a lot of the people that are in this will end up in dark match as well because that's how lol dean rolls all right

Yeah. And the reason we skipped another Wolf Cop is I'm just not as big a fan of another Wolf Cop as I am of Wolf Cop. And I thought Dark Match, because it's about wrestling, would be way better for you to watch. There you go.

Oh, man. Yeah, it's pretty obvious that there's some kind of esoteric ritual that results in a wolf cop. Wolf cop. Sorry. Do you want to get sued?

The makeup for the Wolf Cop is pretty great, too. The effects in this are pretty well done. Nice. And Lol Dean, I'm becoming a very big fan of now. So that's...

one of the reasons why i wanted to do this commentary and then also it's super easy for us just to sit here and play a movie yeah bullshit yeah right just this is how we would hang out anyway this is pretty much the only difference is we put a microphone and headphones on yeah yeah

My paranoid ass keeps looking at the recorder to make sure it's still going. That's the weed talking. Yeah, I'm imbibing. Damn, look at that. Alright, that painting was hot. Alright, there we go. Jesus.

Well, you can tell just by the decor, this guy fucks. You can tell by the woman he woke up to hungover, this guy fucks. This guy definitely fucks.

This is our hero of the film, by the way. This is the hero of the film. Yeah, his name is... Yeah, there you go. That's how you do it. Titshot. Thank you, movie. Titshot. Thank you, movie.

The character's name is Lou Garou. And if you know anything about werewolf lore, that's very close to the French phrase for a werewolf. Lou Garou. Oh. Yeah. Oh, come on, pussy. You don't have to throw up.

See, that's pussy talk right there. Well, he's probably not the true Wisconsinite of the Great White North. I got you. I got you. And that's truly a thing up there.

from hanging out with Wisconsinites. You drink. Like, everybody can really fucking drink there, which is a problem, but at the same time, they all can handle it really well, which makes the problem worse. See? You saw where I came from, man. That's why I can do the things.

can do I understand you more now I absolutely do like we should take you to the mountains where i grew up someday toughest livery you're gonna ever meet you need to you need to see the folks in the mountain and you'll you'll understand me a little bit

Speaking of bears on the attack. And you're all like, I've watched Wrong Turn. I know where you come from. I've seen the hills have eyes. We're all right. Well, that's more the desert. Fair. I am about that rural. Clean up this town.

Spray-painted titties. Speaking of which, Eclipse Morning Radio is of course brought to you by Liquor Donuts. Liquor Donuts. What more could you ask for?

So this small little town. They all just smile at him. Yeah, see this small little town has basically...

has a joke of a sheriff's department that never does anything. The radio was just talking shit about them. And this is demonstrated by the fact that this alcoholic loser is one of the deputies. He may be the hero of the film, but currently he is an alcoholic loser.

I'm right here, genius. Chief, I was just about to... Save your bullshit, Lou. I can smell you the moment you... For like a second, I thought that was the Harbinger guy from Cabin in the Woods, but it's not. What, two hours ago?

Get an update from her. The guy who plays Lou Garou also shows up in Dark Match as one of the wrestlers. They hit Monroe's gas station last night. Who? Piggies.

I think if I grew a 5 o'clock shadow like that, dude, I would probably keep it like that all the time, too. That's impressive. That's an impressive 5 o'clock shadow. Yeah.

That's like Tom Selleck level of 5 o'clock shadow. He does look like he smells of stale beer. Probably a little bit of whiskey.

And his own urine. Definitely his own urine. He smells like an old, like a really hole in the wall bar. If you know how the bathroom smells, it like has a trough instead of a urinal. That's what he probably smells like.

No, it's like he probably smells like the bathroom of a punk rock club where the toilet seat's like broken and only half of it's there.

And like people have been shitting in a toilet that won't flush for like ever. He probably smells like that. I don't think he smells like the shit part. That's why he smells like any bathroom that has a trough, not a urinal. That's what he smells like. I think that's a Jonathan Cherry guy because you see him in everything. I bet that guy smells like the bathroom.

from Wrigley Field. Wait, which one smells like the bathrooms from Wrigley Field? Uh, the cop.

Oh, yeah, that I believe. That guy smells like bear shit right now, and I guarantee it. Bear shit and gunpowder. No, no, I believe that that young man right there will smell like Otto's jacket.

He just looks like a pothead fucking gun dealer to me. For some reason, he smells like Dracar Ed. No, no. My car's a lease. I'm not smoking in that. My house I own. I'll smoke in that. Teenagers.

They've been sacrificing them to Satan. Well, God knows why. I don't know. I assume they've been doing some kinky sexual stuff, but they've been creeping around in the bushes out back all week. Pun.

This is a good friend. Yeah, no, he's ready.

Mercury. I think an AK-47 would be... The amount of guns does make this seem very Wisconsin. I'll tell you that right now. Wait till you see the drink and shoot.

That's the most Wisconsin phrase I've ever heard. That's pretty much, yeah. Remember what happened to the boy that cried wolf, Willie.

One of the nice things about cleaning up my office for you to be able to sit in here too and not have it just be a storage room with just enough room for me to record. You're finding all your cool stuff. Yeah, I found all my old brass knuckles.

i found all my switchblades that i had like strewn across the desk and hidden under other stuff of course yeah i literally had just enough cleaned for me to sit in here and record yeah

And especially since I stopped editing down here. Yeah, you can play with the brass knuckles, man. I took the switchblades out so they wouldn't end up on. Yeah, right. But it just feels good to have a pair of brass knuckles in your hand. It does. It just feels nice. Yeah.

Is that the lady woke up to last night or this morning? No, he woke up to a blonde. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's just another one. He's getting ready to bed down.

This guy's a skinnier Mitchell. How do all these women keep being attracted to Mitchell? I don't know. Why would she do that with Mitchell, Court? I don't know.

All right. People who are fans of Tucker and Dale will recognize that actor as the douchey frat guy that turned out to be actually the hillbilly byproduct of rape. Oh, yeah. Bad guy. Yeah, he's a little bit older.

And a little bit scruffier, but he still plays douchebags really well. I think he was a child actor, too, because I remember seeing him in something even younger than this. Might have been Dead Like Me. Yeah.

You remember that TV show? Yeah. Yeah, I think that was what it was. I'm not 100% sure, though. Here, try these. These are called Fat Boy Knuckles. You might find them a little bit more comfortable because you've got big hands like me. Oh, yeah, that's nice.

There we go. You're just sitting here with like two hands. I'm doing a commentary about a movie. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing right now, people. This is what it's like to get high around court. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, just to be safe, Matt is not imbibing. I'm not imbibing or else it'd be court talking a lot, me doing this. But you're going to get a contact high. Probably. Yeah, because we're going to hotbox this room while you're in here. Oh, wow.

Finally. I don't know if you noticed, but I did. What are you giving me a Dutch oven? What's going on? Well, yes, that will also happen. But I put the poster up that Bev made for 10 years. Yeah. Hello.

That replaced another podcast poster. Did you find anything? I like the foam hands you got in here.

Oh, I got those at the Alamo Drafthouse. The chainsaws were when Bev and I went to see Army of Darkness. When you go to their movie parties, they give you props. Nice. And then obviously the Freddy gloves are from when we went to see Nightmare on Elm Street. Of course.

And I put them both up there because they also deaden the sound and it kills the echo on that wall. Oh, that's nice. Just those like four pieces of foam is all I needed to help it. There you go.

So is Canadian Mitchell going to bed down the female deputy as well? I don't think so. I think this is a fuck, marry, kill situation in the love triangle that's about to develop. We've seen him already fuck.

We have seen who he will possibly end up marrying and have a relationship with. Yeah, that bartender's hot, so I agree with that. And we also see who he's going to have to kill, but I'm not going to tell you who's who in all of this.

But obviously the one that he just fucks and then that's it. That's already been chosen. That's already been done. That blonde that disappeared. We don't see that blonde again. Yeah. Not that I remember. I mean, it's been a while since I watched this. When did this come out? 2000... It was before...

I went on my anniversary trip with Bev because I was wearing that t-shirt from Wolf Cop then.

Instead of trying to read it off the box in really small print from my old eyes I'm just gonna go IMDB to be able to tell you because that's the easiest way to do it

Man, I can't believe that we did fucking a weekly release for 10 solid years. 10 years, man. Listen, I had hair.

When we started this, I had a full head of hair, and I didn't need readers to read my phone. When we started this podcast, we had a semi-functioning government. Yeah. Oh, God. Jesus. Stop. You're going to make me cry. 2014. So it's about 10 or 11 years.

old yeah yeah there we go jesus 2014 right when shit started really going bad too yeah well there's a reason why in year 10 i did that whole thing about uh

Cinema PsyOps being the cause of apocalypses everywhere. I'm starting to think we... There's something going on, man. We're really fucking up. I think just the two of us getting together creates so much stupidity that it warps the timeline we live in. It must. It must.

It's like the thing that Tommy Lee Jones says about human thought is so primitive that it's considered an infectious disease.

Makes you proud, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying is our podcast is so stupid. It warps whatever tie line it exists in.

That almost makes me proud that we did this. I always feel a little weird. The night of the election, the 2000 election with Gore and Bush, Gore was up big, winning big, and the girl was dating the time.

I brought her home and, you know, we did the nasty. And then when it was done, I took her home and I got home and all of a sudden Bush had won the election. I went, what did I do?

You fucked Florida right out of the election. I did. I really fucked up. You fucked so bad that something happened in Florida. I did something, and I fucked us into a weird timeline. I apologize, everybody.

The one time Matt gets laid, it fucks us all. Hey, back in the day, I used to get laid. See, aren't those fat boy knuckles really comfortable? These are, yeah. Yeah, man.

Those were designed to break fucking Nazi skulls. Yeah, baby. We call these Freedom Knuckles. Did you see the effect of the hair growing? Yep. You were too busy staring at the Freedom Knuckles. Oh!

That's going to leave a mark. When you wake up with a pentagram carved on your chest, it might be time to stop drinking. Or drink more, because you've got to kill the pain.

Actually, I think you should be using the alcohol to soak on the... You just duct taped a towel to his chest. I'm impressed. Is this coming in? What's up?

That is such a makeshift dude bandage to grab a hand towel. Okay, so that is his house. I thought he was at that girl's house. That's his house. He just left a naked woman in his house trusting her not to fucking trash it. Or steal things.

Well, that's because he was late for work and he was a little desperate. I'm putting the brass knuckles away so we stop playing with him. Yeah, I know. I had to put him down. Yeah, eventually one of us is going to throw a punch while holding one and something bad's going to happen. Just don't need that karma in my life right now. Yeah, and I'm not saying that we're...

gonna punch each other more than likely what's gonna happen is you're gonna hit your hand and injure your hand yeah yeah yeah exactly

I know because that's something I've done before. It's going to fall off, hit my knee, and I'm going to dislocate it or some shit. We're so fucking old, Matt. We really are. We've been doing this show for over 10 years. 10 years!

10! 10 years! We were in our 30s when we started this. Fuck. Jesus Christ. Old men. Old men. Very old.

That's beautiful country there. Yeah. This definitely kind of looks like Wisconsin. Yeah, well, the cold is supposed to be really bitter bad up north in this area. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it says Saskatchewan is where he films, is the providence that he films in.

It's like the most northern, coldest fucking part of Canada that a lot of these are shot in. Yeah. And you can tell that the temperatures are super fucking cold where they're at, too. You forget to shave?

Well, you saw him yesterday. He wasn't shaved. I mean, what the fuck difference does it make? Well, that effect was him shaving and then the hair just growing back out. Yeah. But you didn't shave the day before. Terry Wallace.

The mirror roll race just got a whole lot easier to call. They shot him up and then an animal ate him? Yeah.

Just didn't pay Harry for a junkie. Sometimes people wear a different face in public. Especially politicians. It's a shame. We're both just watching it instead of talking.

I know that liquor donuts feature prominently in here, but I think it's not until we actually see the Wolf Cop, because I think it's the Wolf Cop that likes the liquor donut. Yeah. There's a donut right there. Put it right on that guy.

I don't even know if that's a liquor donut, though. Gotta say, the makeup for the wound on the neck is pretty good. Yeah.

And, you know, kudos to that actor for laying on the cold, cold fucking ground to hold still. This guy's really doing it. And play dead. He's probably sitting there like, can you guys, I don't know, fucking nail this scene and stop fucking laughing?

The other guys, no. You hear that? That's our PSYOP News sound.

They took the same thing from iMovie from Apple that I did for our news. Nice. How will this impact the festival?

The festival has to go on. Every festival has to go on, no matter what's happening in the town. Yeah, we've seen John's. The festival has to happen. Yeah, we know. We've seen John's. Yeah, we know. The beaches need to stay open. It's just a thing. It just has to be.

I do like how he's getting flashbacks of what happened to him while he was drugged.

I think they did a good job picking this actor. They really did. To play. He looks like a dog. In the best possible way. Yeah, he's got very primal nature, and he does the animalistic things pretty well. Yeah.

And also his sour face, like his resting sour face is perfect for a werewolf victim. And the fact that he's extra fucking furry in the face helps too. Of course. You think he was...

brought up because he is just a hairy dude, too. That's why he got this. How hairy are you, dude? I'm pretty fucking hairy. I can't really fully remember. I think that Lil Dean and he were acquaintances, if not friends.

And so, like, it may have been one of the things where, you know, a collaborative effort. Yeah. Every time that news break comes on, it fucks with me because I'm like, oh, man, should I have to say PsyUp News now? PsyUp News.

I think Wolf Cop should go for the red-headed reporter. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I do like the idea of this cop who has basically given up on everything in life. Yeah. Whenever murders start happening, he actually gives a shit and starts trying to do something. Trying to be a detective. Yeah. God damn.

I know the bartender's your type, but take it easy. I'm trying. Jesus Christ. Settle down over there. You're the one lifting the fucking table up. You're the one fucking lifting the table up.

it's power you got my vote mine too i have to ask what's this what's this it's well it's a piece of paper

I just don't think I've ever seen you do actual work before. What's this? A pen and paper? God damn, what are you, stupid?

Yeah, I think she's just amazed to actually see him doing something other than drinking himself stupid, which is what she wants. Uh-oh.

Someone's gonna get horny. We haven't even gotten to the werewolf transformation yet. I know. It's coming, though.

I wasn't talking about you getting horny. I'm talking about the bartenders getting horny. That's why she's closing early. Well, no, she's already gotten horny. If she's closing early, she's already gotten horny. Gotta feed him down shots.

I have a feeling like he's going to turn into a wolf and killer.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, when we're done with the Godzilla commentaries, I don't think I said it on mic, but I may have told you. When we're done with the Godzilla commentaries, I'm actually dismantling the old audio rack. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm considering either getting an audio interface so I can...

keep using the mics that i really really love yeah and um do it that way there you go but i may also like the usbc mic that i got you is just super convenient and the idea that i could just record from my phone

using zoom yeah you know to podcast i really like that idea too oh there you go so i kind of i'm

I'm on the fence on whether or not I want to get like an audio interface and keep the same mics. I'm still going to keep all this audio equipment. It's just not going to be used for podcasting as much. Yeah. And I mean, I don't need them.

I don't need to get rid of the mic arms, but for the longest time, I almost got rid of your mic arm that you're using right now. Yeah, but then I was like, no, we're going to do some commentaries before I take this down. It's a nice mic arm.

Yeah, I can't get that again. The company that used to make those went out of business a long time ago. Damn. Yeah. It was a steal, too. It's a great arm.

I used my mic so much with all the podcasting that I did, like guest spots and stuff, that arm that I had that's like yours broke. Again, how does this guy get so much goddamn tail? It's the beard, I'm telling you. It's gotta be.

They love the chafing on the thighs, I guess. I don't know, man. Apparently smelling like urine and being hammered drunk all the time fucking is what makes it work. I think it's the wolf musk. Yeah. In this case, this woman's attracted to him because of the werewolf musk.

I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but Paul Naschy has taught us all that no matter how unattractive a man may or may not be, once he becomes a werewolf, if he takes a woman on a pastoral stroll, they're going to fuck and fall in love. That's going to happen.

Oh, Jesus, this guy vomits way too much. I think it's just enough for a film like this. It's supposed to be a little bit of a gross out. No, I'm just saying, you know, you can chew it back.

Yeah, he's not a professional Wisconsinite. No, no, no, no. I could drink this pussy under the table. Not when he becomes a werewolf. No, probably not. But that's supernatural shit. That doesn't count. Yeah, and they still have nards, by the way.

Wolfman's got nards. No, 100%. The wolf cop has nards. You're going to see them. Oh, God. You're going to see werewolf dick in a second. Is he going to fuck her as a werewolf?

Oh, Jesus Christ. Here we go. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. I love that you're already figuring out why you're going to love this movie. I've already figured out some things here.

Yeah, actually I have to fully admit oh don't look away. He just started pissing blood. Oh This effect is amazing. I don't know how they pulled this off. Oh God

Jesus Christ, that hurts. Why the fuck am I watching that? So Wolf Cop transforms Dick first. Dick first. I always wondered. Look at that. That's fucking amazing.

That's really good. And it looks really fucking painful. Yeah.

I don't want to talk over that effect, man. Oh, yeah. All the weird stuff just peeling off of them, some of it being digital, some of it being practical. It's mixed really well. Yeah, they've done the effects in this really well. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, that was only a half transformation, and that was intense. That was hardcore, man. His dick split open. Told you you were going to see Werewolf Nards. Yeah, Jesus.

So I don't know if you noticed or not, but there's been a crime wave of the piggies. Yes. So you've got a werewolf cop going after piggy criminals. Yep. Yep.

I don't know specifically why they were targeting him other than just because it was another crime spree thing for them to do. But I think it might be he's looking too much into the... The murder. Yeah. Oh. But again...

It's a werewolf cop, so I don't really want to read too much into it. Yeah, right. It's wolf cop. You know, ACAB does include werewolf cops. I just need to say it. Really?

Yeah, I think it does. Yeah, it does. All cops are bastards. Even a wolf cop. See this? He's handcuffed. And there's a camera on him. Jesus. Jessica?

And a random dog. How's your butt? How's your butt?

I improvised. The hell's gotten into you? Oh, that's exactly what I was gonna ask you.

Oh, I remember what Jonathan Cherry was in or what I remember him from. Sean William Scott hockey movie Goon.

He was one of his teammates. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Oh, he tranked him. In this universe, you can trank a werewolf at least.

I think in every universe you can trank a werewolf as long as you have enough trank. I don't know. It depends upon how supernatural they are. That's also true. Dirty, so I put it in a cold cycle. A lot of blood.

I'm going to make you some breakfast. A little something for the ladies and then anybody else that likes a hairy chest man with a pentagram carved into it. Yeah. What was that? Thank you, Willie, for helping me. You're welcome.

Throw you in jail for kidnapping an officer. He is a bit ungrateful, isn't he? He is. He's really ungrateful. Like a real son of a bitch. Thank you. See, ACAB does include fucking wolf cops. It includes wolf cops.

Oh, see that? He's dumping a little wolfbane in the eggs. What a prick. Well, hey, listen, the guy treated him like a prick. Yeah, they're supposed to be friends, though. Now he's making it all better. There you go.

As anyone who's ever woken up in the same house as Matt will attest, an alcoholic is real fucking testy in the morning. Yeah. Listen, don't talk to me until I've had my morning coffee and possibly more alcohol.

Until I've had my Irish coffee in the morning. Oh, like the toilet coffee cup. I just noticed that. That's pretty fucking funny. What the fuck?

yeah also wolfsbane is just nasty to put in anyone's yeah i mean i

I think even we not being werewolves would spit out the eggs. Yeah. Don't bother. I think it's poisonous to humans anyway. I think that's just poor science right there.

Someone didn't do their research. I'm pretty sure that a pothead... I'm convinced this guy's a pothead, by the way. Gun dealer. Really? Is it just the fucking... What gave you the first clue? The mustache? The haircut? Or the paranoia?

It was all of the above and the fact that he had an alien coffee cup at the gun shop he was running. And he has a toilet seat coffee cup too. He has an entire toilet bowl coffee cup, yeah.

this guy's this guy's one of us yeah he's a stoner for sure oh yeah looking everywhere good morning to you too what's your panic there's been another incident jessica's bar

I wonder if he even remembers. Maybe he'll flashbacks again when he gets there. We did see pretty much everything that happened. I mean, he went through those guys like a hot knife. But maybe he'll start having flashbacks. Yeah.

I don't know what city that is. I have no clue where this is from. You know, I've given up expecting you to be a great cop, but the least you could do is be a cop who shows up on time. Now, I don't know if you're ashamed.

but i do know that your dad sure as shit would be damn

Yeah, his father, I guess, used to be the sheriff, and then he disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Those mysterious circumstances just so happened to be the beginning of the film. Oh, okay. I think his dad was also a wolf cop. Yes.

That guy looks familiar to me, but I don't know what I would have seen him in. Yeah. I'm going to try and look something up.

I believe I've seen them too. But here's the thing. If we're both on our phone, we're not watching the movie. I'm watching it. I'm talking. I'm watching and I'm talking. I'm doing it. I can do multiple things. Yeah. Yeah. You got the ADHD. I do.

i haven't taken my pills today so i'm not dialed into just one thing you are a bit scattered brain oh yeah he was in suicide squad oh i recognize him from a history of violence that's what i've probably seen him in

I recognize him for Suicide Squad. He was in the Umbrella Academy as well. So, yeah, he's been in a few things. That's why I recognize him. Okay. Well, then they're talking here. This be a clip.

No, you saved me. We'll talk later. Yeah, I think he has some feelings for old Jess.

I think you have some feelings for her. I have feelings for a lot of people. I'm starting to have feelings for this guy. Is it a moderately dark complected woman that looks a little dirty?

Matt's going to be into her. You don't have to call everything out about me on the fucking show. I don't recall signing up for that. See, I told you you'd get flashbacks. I was right again.

It's almost like you've seen a movie before. It's almost like I've seen a lot of these type of movies before. Ten years worth. Jesus, fuck. Yeah. Oh, man. In the face.

That's actually pretty decent. Sorry I'm late. Oh my god, this is like House of a Thousand Corpses type shit. Give daddy a kiss.

i'll never forget seeing that in the theater with you yeah oh my god that scene where uh um cherry moon zombies character baby is stabbing the shit out of the girl in the bunny costume you looked at me and you're like

that's all i said to you is i said that was so fucking hot and i said it loud enough that the person next to you heard and they looked over like in shock and horror and then you looked at them and said hey what do you think i feel he's my ride

And you had to say it louder because it was your wife, you, my wife. No, it was just us. No, our wives even saw it too. No, it was just us. Oh, maybe. No, that was when we saw it here after you bought it. Yeah. All right. Yeah, you're right.

Okay. No, that was in the theater and it was just us. No, yeah. Nobody else wanted to go see it with me. I was like, I'll go see it. Well, I also bought you a couple drinks. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah, I was only mildly disappointed in that. Goddamn, my wife was just pregnant at that point. Fuck, that's so long ago. We're so old. I know.

That was hot, by the way, the way that she murdered that chick in the bunny outfit. Okay, listen. I get it. Do you need to go throw the ball around outside or something for a minute? No. You're just exposing your tattoos more to me, so you just...

Well, I just got this all touched up, and I needed to expose it because it was getting a little achy having the shirt sit on top of it. I gotcha. I'm not trying to show them off to you. I'm just trying to be more comfortable.

They're hot right now. Like heat. Heat. I think my body's trying to metabolize some of the ink. Yeah.

So, yes, I saw my therapist yesterday. I don't need to throw the ball around. You don't need to throw? Yeah, I still think you might. It's a fucking wolf, man.

It's over, man. It's all over. You confess to being aroused by one murder in a movie and you're suddenly a monster. Yeah, that's usually how that fucking works.

Jesus. You know what? I'm done with the no kick shaving. I think we do. Oh, oh, right in the eye. Ocular penetration. That was a good effect. Yeah.

Woodhaven Library. Yeah, this is where it's... Canceled! Yeah, because his dad got disappeared or some shit.

Hunting Festival booze now welcome. Yep. Guy's a sloppy drinker. Every time he's drinking, he's almost spilling.

Yeah, I think that's just affectation they added to show that his character is all disorganized and disheveled and fucked.

Thing that's really great about this movie, hour 19 minutes, man. Oh, that's not bad at all. No, like in and out. In and out, get good effects. Yeah. For it. You see a werewolf transform dick first. Yeah. Oh, God, that hurt.

That was a bit intense. That was really intense. You know, they made that transformation feel really painful when they did it, not just because it went dick first. Yeah. Just when you saw his arm melt away and stuff.

You got any books on devil worship? Now that is a clip. That's a clip. Got any books on devil worship? This Jonathan Cherry actor is really good at doing the wild-eyed crazy looks.

Bat. He's really good at that. Yeah. The sacrifice of an innocent turns another into a beast. Hold on. Okay, I checked something. So now you talk.

Well, they're doing some story stuff that I can actually probably put in as more of a clip if I need to. Yeah. Here we go. Actually, this is an explanation people need. Yes.

Village idiot, this is a book about you.

Funny thing is, is this book actually is the plot of the movie being explained. Yeah, of course it is. Yeah, this would have been a clip.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Apparently the blood of one werewolf can maintain their power for decades. What do they do? Crystallize it? Drink it up like Tang? Who fucking does that? Do you think I'm myself when I'm the wolf?

A drunk werewolf is something that we need to see more of. Yeah, I know. Stumbling.

No, it's more like trying to chew it back. I'm fine. I'm fine. Better go. How the devil.

Howl at the devil? I don't know. I don't care. You're out of practice. It's fine. I really am. Shout at the devil. Fine. Everyone happy now?

Howl at the Moon is what I meant to go for. I merged two songs together. It's Bark at the Moon. God damn it. Who cares? People that actually like music? He's dead. Just let it go. Wow. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Too soon. Too soon? Come on. Honestly, I'm surprised Ozzy made it as long as he did. Me too. I was going to say, that dude died technically 10 years ago. They just forgot to tell him. You bet.

I still miss him. But rest in peace, Ozzy. Seriously. That's a loss. But he went out on his own terms. Good for you. Not a lot of people get to say that. He literally wanted the last act that he did to be a performance. And then he...

Took a flight, went to where he needed to go, and got himself taken care of. I'm so nervous.

I'm excited. Nervous? Yeah. Yeah. It's exhilarating. So you asked me. You've never seen your penis explode. Clip. That really is a clip. Take it off. It's for a second.

And I'm not recording the audio under this so that it'll be easier for me to sync up. I gotcha.

So I can literally pull that clean. You've never seen your penis explode. Thanks for doing it again.

But now this is what I'm going to think. All werewolf movies, you genitals turn first. If it's a female werewolf, their vagina just explodes in hair. You guys shooting a movie? No.

Science movie. A shirtless guy in a prison cell and it's a science movie.

He'll be back in a minute, 45 seconds. I think he transforms like at the same time. Yeah. Is what they're getting at. You've gone from lazy to weird and you're spending a lot of time with Willie. He's helping me. Willie is helping you.

Okay, well now I'm worried. Yeah, I would be too. Yeah, I mean that's pretty understandable. You and I have more in common than not. You know why I became a cop? I don't know. God damn, we're pretty much at the halfway point already. Yeah.

He got mixed up in the wrong crowd. That's how you do a fucking movie. You gross me out and you give me like... Good effects. Gross me out. Keep it under like 90 minutes or under 80 minutes. A concise story? Yeah.

More people need to make movies like Lil Dean. Not a lot of offshoot stories that don't ever get resolved. Yeah, more people need to make movies like Lil Dean does. For sure. This is some good shit.

It's entertaining. It has been keeping our attention to the point where we're not even really talking over it. And your ADHD ass has barely looked at your phone. And if you are looking at your phone, you're looking at your phone to learn more about the movie. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Yeah. You know, if you didn't know what was happening, this does look like a porn. Oh yeah, totally.

i should do this sober you know seeing lou with his shirt off uh i think i understand why the ladies in town are into it because look at what their other options i know i mean listen there ain't a lot out there yeah

and i've seen the other men in this town and they've all they're all just like i'm just like nah man yeah lou's missing some hair though from having his chest carved up yep but his his scars healed yeah

I don't think we need to watch his dick transform again. No. But I would be surprised if we do. Honestly, I would almost be disappointed if... we didn't see it again yeah that's fucking great that's good shit

I wonder if some of that skin was silicone based because that tore really nicely. Yeah. I mean, Jesus. He's gurgling out a little ultra slime. Yep.

The lenses look great, too. Dude, I don't think you have to keep fucking with the camera. That face split. No, he didn't even start recording. That was the problem. That face split was fucking great. Yeah.

So does he know that's his bro? I guess we'll see. Yeah. Honestly, if you could have werewolfism where you maintain control of...

yourself to where you know what you're going to attack or what not going to attack. That's the most ideal way to go if you have to be aware of it. Maybe it's like they're going to do it like in a Hulk way. Like whatever, you know, who he's angry or like. See, what's his bourbon?

Okay. There see those liquor donuts too. Yep. Yeah, that's right.

That was the classic Canadian whiskey, right? Was it Wild Bill? No, that's not Canadian whiskey. That was bourbon. Oh, bourbon. American whiskey. More so you could talk. Liquor donuts.

Well, I already knew that he could talk. I've seen this before. But I like letting you speculate. Well, I'm just talking about the movie right now. Well, yeah, that's what we're supposed to be doing to try to keep people entertained. I know, right?

This special would not be very special. Wouldn't that be very special if it was just us watching a movie? Yeah, you'd literally hear us breathing into the microphone. I've only wanted to watch Wolf Cop while two burly men breathe heavily into a microphone.

Two middle-aged weirdos. What are you talking about? Uh-oh. Oh! So...

Here we go. Here's where wolf cop starts to happen. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Robbery. Lou, you're a wolf.

Yeah, wolf cop the full moon shots are really nicely. Yeah, that's nice. I mean, I know it's obviously the little piggies

They made a huge mistake. They're robbing liquor donuts. Now they're the worst villains I've ever seen in any movie ever. That's okay, because Wolf Cop's about to take care of you. Little pig, little pig.

Me in. So we're just over the halfway point when we see him fully transform and actually become Wolf Cop. Wolf Cop. Yeah. I mean, is he now not Wolf Cop?

No, he said... Yeah, when he says cop... Now he's wolf cop. He's wolf cop, yeah. Oh, yeah! And really, he's... He's only concerned with...

The people that are like trying to harm other people. Yeah. These pigs. So he's a good person. Well, he's a good werewolf. He's a bad person, but he's a good person because he cares about burgers and shit. Do you hear that? He said he's the fuzz.

Oh! I like his gun. I think that's just a typical .357. I love a .357 Magnum. Most powerful handgun known to man. Blow your head clean off. You feel lucky, pig? Yep.

You feel lucky, punk. That's awesome. Made it pass out. Oh, man. I forgot how much fucking fun this movie is. I remembered a lot of this stuff. Thank you, officer. Yeah.

Yeah, Wildman Kentucky bourbon. Yep, so it's Kentucky bourbon. He had a couple bites of liquor donut and called it quits. Whoops.

I love that we're over halfway done.

And this movie is going to take a moment for the wolf cop to transform his car into a wolf cop car. Yep. Wolf cop. And I approve. What's he going to do?

They're going to soup up his cop bar. Oh, that's it. Yeah, it's going to be a wolf cop mobile. Nice. This is going to be awesome. They do a sequence just specifically so they can soup up the car. A sequence to make a wolf mobile. He stops policing the town.

in the middle of murdering a bunch of robbers to just soup up a car. He didn't murder one. He just scared him to pass out and piss himself, probably. That's fair, but when that guy wakes up, he's still going to rob and rape. Yeah.

You think he scared him straight? I don't think so. Maybe after he gets out, the guy's going to wake up and he soups up the car, then he comes out and kills him. There's a lot of things they have this...

werewolf do to transform the car that is not believable but you have to press the I believe button and just let it go. Listen, I pressed the I believe button when you told me the name of the fucking movie was Wolf Cop. That's fair.

And then once you've already seen a werewolf transform dick first, you just kind of have to let it go. Yeah, you just let it go at this point. Yeah, because you're just supposed to have fun. It really makes me think American Werewolf in London right now. That transformation scene, how could it have been better?

Yeah, I don't think I needed to see him. I really, really didn't think I needed to see the American Werewolf in London guy transform dick first. It's bad enough when he was a naked American man stealing that child's balloons. Yeah, right?

I know a lot of people love American Werewolf in London. I am more a fan of The Howling. That's my werewolf movie. That's your, yeah. Yeah, you've always been a, oh. Yeah. Oh, you pissed on him. Yep. Ah!

He's cleaning up the town. It's like the night RoboCop goes out for the first night. Yeah, only it's a wolf cop who pisses on criminals. Yeah. That's kind of ACAB, though. The kid was just doing graffiti and he pisses on them. Well, I mean, he didn't kill them.

And he didn't even arrest him. Just peed on him. It's kind of like that kid was peeing on the building. You're just licking boots at that point, my friend. It's Wolf Cop!

You can lick wolf cop's boots if that's your kink. I'm fine with that. But don't lick cop boots is all I'm saying. I don't want to. Don't be a boot licker. What the hell is this? This is still a crime scene. Are you going to arrest me?

You're not getting a lesbian scene between these two. I didn't figure that. No, I know that's what you want, but that's not what you're getting. That's what you want, too. I mean, I wouldn't complain. Okay, well, Jesus Christ. I just didn't want you to be disappointed.

Chick fight! That may happen. I can't remember. Eventually these two may have a scrap. I can't promise titties won't fly. Listen, they either want to fight or fuck, but it's one of the two.

Why not both? Yeah. What? Oh, no. She's going to get called away. Problems. Cheers. Oh, damn.

Everyone's so angry. Let's get a sketch-a-tune. Hey, barn party. Woo! Where I grew up, that was the best you could hope for. Yeah. It was a party in a barn. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man, this party's fucking lit, too. We got gambling and hookers and all types of fun imaginable. Even the guy who lost his eye earlier in the day is still having a good time.

I'm the fat kid in that Babylon 5 t-shirt. He got a hat, Jim. He got a little. It'll never happen again.

Five minutes after you left. It's always five minutes after you leave. Is that an all to tell? Yep. Skanks for the memories is where it came from. So.

You heard Jonathan Cherry say earlier that they must crystallize the blood like Tang. Yeah. And look what he's snorting. What the fuck? They're snorting blood? They're snorting the werewolf's blood. So he's one of the shapeshifters that supposedly have done this particular thing.

ritual every 10 years to stay young so he's one of them we know that because some of this plot i've missed because we've been yabbering on like a bunch of bitches which is why i'm telling you yeah thank you you're welcome you're you're you're a true friend

I try to be. Yeah. I mean, really. Yeah. It's good stuff.

Anyway, wolf cop in the wolf mobile. And because his friend knows about this stuff and is just offhand making these comments, that also makes him sus. Like, he's part of it. And his job is just to keep the wolf in control. Oh, no. I hope not.

No, it is. Oh, damn. But it's okay. It'll be fine. Okay. Just let it be. All right. Trust the process. But you want your friend to maybe do one of those where he comes around because he's his friend.

Well, I don't want to spoil it for someone that hasn't seen the movie, but why would they listen to this if they haven't? Yeah, right. Seriously, watch Wolf Cop first and then come back. Then come back and enjoy this. Because we're just ruining it. Holy shit.

I had to laugh. I must have moved something. I wasn't getting anything in this year, which is fine because I get here and here, but now I'm getting it in both. Yeah, I think that cord might be busted on those old headphones. Hey, but now I'm getting it everywhere. That...

That sounded weird. We're going to definitely, yeah, you are getting it everywhere. We're going to definitely use this same setup for Godzilla, the Godzilla movies when we do the commentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just come pick you up. We can do like two of them in a day. There you go. On a weekend. Ah, shit.

I think we'll start back in November. Oh, yes! He tore his face off! That's a good effect. Oh, my God! Yeah, that's really gory. He threw his face in the windshield!

Look at these motherfuckers!

i told you the minute i see a guy's face get torn off i'm not going to attack wolf cop i'm gonna run the minute i see someone dressed like a werewolf and a cop i'm just gonna let them be yeah i'm gonna be like is that makeup because it's amazing

If it's not, uh, holy shit, I gotta run. Anyway, I don't even know these guys. They're all fucking weird. Uh-oh.

faceless guy. I'm pretty sure he'd be dead, but that still was fucking cool. Yeah. Oh, right through him. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

That's a bad fire. Yeah, it's not just a barn party. It's just a hangout for a bunch of fucking mobsters from the low. Oh, yep. See, he's calling him. Yeah, damn it.

See, I just wanted you to, because we were talking over that conversation, I wanted to reiterate that his friend obviously seems like he has something to do with it. Now it's confirmed. Yeah.

Yeah. This is not ideal for you to watch it for the first time, but man. No, it's still good. You're getting the gist of why you need to own a copy of Wolf Cop. Gotta want to watch some Wolf Cop.

Nice work. Sorry, you're ruining your fucking place of work. There is a great- Sorry for ruining your place of work.

There's a great two-disc collector set of Wolf Cop that I got my hands on. It has Wolf Cop and another Wolf Cop. Oh, nice. And another Wolf Cop is worth checking out. Is Wolf Cop the same cop or a different cop?

no no it's it's it's him after the events of this movie okay so they got the same actor and everything to be wolf cop again nice

it's just i don't know there's some the humor in another wolf cop some of it doesn't work for me as much i didn't know if they're going to throw out uh maybe like a team wolf 2 type shit where it's like his cousin played by justin bateman yeah

Man, Teen Wolf is not dated well. No comedies really from the 80s are dated well. But there's a lot more homophobia and fucked up shit. Homophobia and Teen Wolf is insane. Once Bitten is even worse for homophobia.

Dude, yeah. Yeah. It's a big time. One's bitten. It's terrible. It's fire.

yeah our boy cleavon little like the the dude that we're like so into he's even like one long bad gay joke in that he really is yeah it's all right

You know things change in the world, you know as long as you change with them You could look back. Okay. I made some dumb comments, but I've grown from them It's only a problem if you try to stick to your guns about them

You were asking if she was going to have sex with a werewolf? Holy shit. Is she dressed like Little Red Riding Hood? Well, yeah, because it's visually funny. Yeah, all right. Bye-bye, Willie. He is a...

I never promised you that a film called Wolf Cop would be subtle. I gotcha, I gotcha. Just ignore that idea. Get the fuck out of here, dude. There's one way to keep a werewolf busy.

Oh, wait. Does that mean that the bartender's bad, too? Ah, shit. Well, she is dressed like Little Red Riding. Yeah. Which also means that the...

if the bartender looks young and she's one of the bad people oh she's old she's really really old because they've been doing this for like a while since the town's inception almost

All right, well, then I know the fuck Mary killed. Fuck the girl in the beginning. You're going to have to kill the bartender because she's evil. Then you marry the other cop. Yeah, because eventually they become the thing. You can figure it out. I figured it out.

Oh, I also have to point out. He's having problems. He doesn't like it. Yeah. I also want to point out that not only do we get a sex scene with a dude in a werewolf costume, they film it like the Red Shoe Diaries. I'm seeing that right now. This is insane.

It's so artistic. Very nice. Very nice. It's very tasteful the way that she's like, oh my gosh, she's going to go suck a wolf dick. That's going to be a very hairy situation.

Do you think she's going to cough up hairballs after this? Oh, definitely. It'd be funnier if he tries to go down on her and then complains that she's not shaved. That would be a total wolf move. That would be.

It's a man's world. I love that his werewolf fur is also salt and pepper. I love that they did that little detail. Yep.

Oh, now he is a little bit south. Oh, yeah, he is. He's south of the border right there. But he did complain about it. Do you think he has that sort of sandpapery dog tongue?

I can't feel good for her. No, I mean, unless, you know, you never know. Tits out. Thanks, movie. Hey, tits out. All right. It's side boob, but I'll still thank him. Side boob, man. Take any side boob, lower boob, upper boob.

I like the nipples. I like to see the nipples. There we go. Thank you. I wonder if the same actress or a body double does not matter to me. That looked great. There you go.

Seriously, this is a Red Shoe Diary sex scene. It really is. This is what you see on Skidamax late at night. This is 100% Red Shoe Diary softcore porn.

like sex scene very tasteful yeah very tasteful much more much much more tasteful than the rape scene in bram stoker's dracula where he looks like a werewolf and he's feeding on that lady yeah yeah and fucking her yeah

Which also awoken something in me that I should not have let it. Yeah, you might not want to talk about it right now. Yeah, the table's high enough already for the sex scene. I'm glad I waited to sleep with this improved version of you.

Damn. Right? She's like, I'm only fucking you when you're in wolf mode now. That is kind of teen wolf if you think about it. Yeah. Uh-oh. Here we go. Yep. Yep. She's drugging the coffee.

Here's a cup of coffee. You know, when I think of sex, I don't think of having a cup of coffee right afterwards. You know, maybe a water or something. The cigarette. Now, that makes me want to have a cigarette again. I haven't had a cigarette in a long, long time.

Did you notice on the close-up, you can see the seam around his lips? Yeah. And he left the actor's actual lips for this sequence? Yeah. Well. Jeez.

Evil. She's also a lizard person. I don't know if you noticed that or not, but they're lizard shapeshifters. Are they? In the book, they showed them as lizards. Oh, they're lizard people.

A little conspiracy theory lover, and you should enjoy that. Yeah, I do, kind of. Yeah, because the lizard people do control all our world governments. I'm so sorry. Look, look, she is old. Oh, yeah, now she's old. The bartender is the mayor.

Oh, God, yeah, he's like, oh, well, it's like, oh shit. I begged an old lady

Yeah, but she was young when he did it. Yeah, yeah, so it counts. So it counts? You mean the fact that she was young when she did it, that's what counts? That's what counts. Yeah, yeah.

yeah boss i mean eventually everybody who bang is gonna get old so i mean eventually yeah i mean everyone i think i have banged in my life is now old so

I'm not going to say that because someone that I've banged may hear this and be very much taking attention to it. It doesn't matter. We're all old. I mean, I'm old, too. I have banged someone, and now I am old.

Everyone who's ever banged me has now banged an old person because I'm old. There, I'll say it like that. But they didn't bang you when you were old. No, no, they didn't bang me. Well, I mean, some have.

But I think I'd be more grossed out that I was banging a shape-shifting lizard. Really? Than an old person.

You have so much discrimination in your heart. So much hate. And yet I get turned on by watching Sherry Moon Zombie stab a girl in a bunny costume. Yeah, right? What's wrong with you? What if she was a lizard woman? A lot. Yeah, yes.

See, now if it was a lizard woman, I would definitely be turned off. See, you got a problem. And they're going to listen to the show, the lizard people. You're next on the list, buddy. Because I'm xenophobic for lizard people? Yes, I for one welcome our lizard overlords.

It's not like my voice is going to make a difference in the lizard overworld. No, that's true. Lizard overlord world. But they're still going to hold a grudge. They do that. Yeah, they're lizards. They're all reptile. They never forget. Or is that an elephant? I am prejudiced against lizard people. You really are, yeah.

You hate lizard people. Oh, dude. Do you just lizard people or do you hate all lizards? Like if you see an iguana, are you just filled with hate? No, I just hate sentient beings that aren't me.

So we're good. Yeah. No, that's still a problem. No, it's just everything. No, but that, no, that's still, that's still an issue. You need to get that figured out. Can I have just a little dysanthropy?

No, no, not like that. No. They're not? No. They know they're existing. Wow. All right, that's debatable. What I'm talking about is...

identifiable sentient beings. Oh, okay. I gotcha. Like humanoid type style. I understand. Particularly like the younger versions of them. Yeah. Well, children. You hate children. You hate children. Absolutely.

I really do. They're okay in small doses when they're somebody else's. When I can feed them full of sugar and then send them home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. Yeah. I mean, that's what you know.

You don't have any if you're old like that. No, I definitely don't want them. That we know of. No, I know for sure. I was very cautious in making sure that that did not happen. By this point, if you did have what you didn't know, it would have been before your wife. So they'd be like...

My son's age are even older. They'd be older. They'd be damn near 30. Yeah, definitely. It would be if it was when I was 16 or something like that. Yeah. Holy shit.

They'd be having their own kids. They'd be like, here's your grandpa. No, I was so terrified about getting stuck in the hometown where I grew up in. Oh, yeah. In the middle of nowhere. I was so terrified. Oh, now she's driving Wolf Wheel.

Yeah, I was so terrified of that that I made sure not to, like, even, like... But you pulled out even wearing a condom.

I may not have put in a couple of opportunities that I had because I was like, oh, I ain't getting stuck here. Court triple wrapped because he just wanted to make sure. Actually, the more you wrap, the less effective it becomes because they...

the friction oh yeah you're right you're more likely to i always just get nervous because i met a girl when i went to college and she said what her and her friends used to do for fun in their small town was go to the grocery store and pull coals and condom boxes and i was like that's up

That's massively fucked up. That's massively fucked up and that put the fear of life in me for condoms forever. Like to the point where sometimes I take a flashlight behind them and shine them in there like, come on.

Let me make sure. Oh, this guy's got truck nuts. I already don't like him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Truck nuts is like buying a cyber truck. You automatically know that person's an asshole. Oh, yeah. Just a fucking Nazi douchebag.

well cyber truck yes but truck nuts i don't know yeah they just might be an asshole they might just be probably still probably yeah they're just an asshole but i mean the two are not mutually exclusive nazis are also assholes yeah yeah yeah

i'm just saying what all right how about this all nazis are assholes but not all assholes are nazis that's there you go and now you've all learned something today

yeah for sure if there's something we take away from wolf cop it's that careful now we'll get marked as antifa and then we'll get removed from the world

Well, listen, if you're a registered Democrat, that's already going to get done for you there, pal. And probably registered independent. Yeah.

Oh, the sheriff, too, is part of the fucking problem. Well, that would be obvious because his dad was the first one. Oh, yeah. Oh.

I'm just fucking with you, man. I'm a shapeshifter.

What if I told you that his actual friend isn't the shapeshifter and then he might show up later and be okay? That would be awesome. Okay.

So his friend maybe got kidnapped by a shapeshifter who's not shapeshifted as his friend. Yeah, to mimic. I think that's what ends up happening. Oh, that would be nice. Or I do remember his friend doing a turnabout face. Yeah, I gotcha.

One of the two things does happen. Cool. Who said I'm a woman? I will promise you that. Oh, hey, hey, whoa. This is why you can't trust the lizard people, Matt. But you were a woman when you boned me, so that's what counts.

that's fair yeah i think so yeah i think that's how it works yeah not the most ambitious oh you'd be surprised we're trying to trying to find out the how if you're a shape-shifty liver lizard person with the

with the sexes you have at the time, as if you had sex. I don't know, man. That's... Female presenting. I don't know what they're doing, but I don't know. Man, that's going to be a lot. We're going to have to figure some shit out.

It's still sex by deception, though. Yeah, that's technically a rape. Yeah, sex by deception. Yeah. She raped him. She raped. Wolf Cop got raped. We watched a rape.

We watched a werewolf get raped by a lizard person. Yep, that's what we did. This movie's really fucked up. This movie is just fucking unbelievable.

I don't like that you're making me think too deeply about what happens. This philosophical minutiae that is happening. You know, you used to do that to me. My, how the turntables have turned.

Wow, you have actually gone overboard on the compressor. That's crazy. Yeah, I just almost killed it. I just saw it. Yeah, I'm going to drop your gain back a little. That's probably a good idea. Oh, well, we're working out the bugs before we do the cockpit.

godzilla ones with these two recordings here we go it's just wolf cop it's fine yeah the i used to do to you to star wars to ruin it for you and make it more painful to watch you are doing that to wolf cop now because it's i mean

Philosophically speaking, you are absolutely correct. She had sex with him by deception to control him. Yes.

She wasn't who she presented herself to be in order to have sex with him, which is technically a rape. So we watched a lizard person shapeshifter rape a werewolf cop in this film. Yes.

Yes. That's fucked up. I'm telling you right now, this movie is deeper than you think. I see it. I don't know if Will Dean thought up all of the minutia of this. I think he just wanted to make an entertaining and fun film.

Nah, he knew what he was doing. That's fair. He was like, when he did that scene, he was like, I'm going to have a lizard person rape a werewolf. By deception. By deception. Thereby making a commentary. Oh, man. He shot.

thereby making a commentary about what happens in Revenge of the Nerds and why it's wrong. Oh, God.

If we ever did a commentary about Revenge of the Nerds, that'd be insane. I'm just not going to do it. No, we can't. We could skip right to Revenge of the Nerds 2 because there's slightly less problematic shit in that one. Slightly, but still. There's no sex by deception in that, at least. At least, yes.

At least there isn't a full-blown. Or the panty raids and all that other shit. Yeah, that void, like spying on women at their most. Yeah.

I hate that so many nude scenes in the movies that I watch to watch nude scenes have that stuff where someone is just spying on a woman. That's bad. So that we can have the voyeuristic experience. Now that we know what it is. Yeah. Makes me feel awful. Me too.

I still watch the movies. I just don't feel good about it. Yeah, yeah. Uh-oh. It was like most of the nakedness in Nightmare Sisters was that way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really awkward and uncomfortable to watch. Oh, man. Everyone's burning.

Yeah, I guess the shapeshifters self-combust like a vampire after they've been killed. Damn. Maybe. I don't know. Now what? Here we go. Yeah! Move! And die.

Tina! If Wolf Cop could just hit it and quit it with everyone, I think he'd be fine. Yeah, just hit her and quit her. What's this one? Oh.

You wanted to see them fight. Oh, yeah, here we go. Yeah, I told you I thought it happened. Oh Shit she killed her dad Now it's time to go

The blood on a snow has a really good effect. They're getting a money's worth out of the blood there. There you go.

Jesus Christ. Dude, Wolf Cop's firing a Tommy gun at these guys. That's awesome. Dude, you can't hit shit. It's like a fucking stormtrooper over here. There!

yeah wolf cop doesn't do well with machine guns he needs just a handgun oh that's a lot of blood coming out of his mouth i believe that he probably wasn't trained on shooting yeah a machine gun

Oh, probably not. Small town cop. Yeah, and they're really hard to control if you've ever shot anything like that. Oh. So the sheriff was also the main drug bad guy.

probably they're all shapeshifters so they all wear whatever faces but yeah the main drug bad guy was definitely one of them yeah

Yeah, that's what you get for trying to kick a werewolf in the face. Why would you kick a werewolf in the face, you dummy? Oh, dude. Dude, that was great. That was a great effect. Yeah. The slash effects of the victims are really good. Uh-oh.

I'll check Ashwoods for 500, Alex. I got really sad. I'm like, oh, no, I'm out of drink. I forgot I have my fucking Dr. Pepper over here. Nice.

I know I'm trying to slow it down because I have to also use the restroom, so I'm just trying to get to the end of the movie here. Yeah, we've got just a few minutes left. That's good. We're real close. We should be good. Yeah. I'd say within about ten minutes you'll be able to...

And we can also pause and then it's all right. I can make it to the end. Yeah. That's what's great about this flick. Yeah. Being as short as it is. Is you can, you can make it through even though you got to hold it in a little. That's what a rapist gets.

Yeah, definitely lizard person. Yep. Ah!

And that's when he marries. Love. True love. I don't know if they get married, but they definitely end up spending their life together because they're now the only police force. Yeah, that's true.

Does he get to be sheriff now? Wolf sheriff. By default, yeah. He's a wolf sheriff. What the hell? This is your fate, Lou. Uh-oh.

Man, that guy's good at being a douche. Yeah. This actor's so good at it. Damn.

There we go. Yeah, I guess it is the same shape shifter. Yep.

Maybe they can't turn into anybody. Maybe they can just make themselves look like different people. Or they're just people that they like to look like. Maybe they have to work at looking like other people. They have to practice it. Yeah, maybe.

i'm impressed but it's time to serve your purpose oh man

She's doing the bulk of the fucking lizard people slaughter here. This guy, Lou is dealing with a lot of cuts to him right now. They poured a lot of blood out of him. Yeah, he got stabbed out of the side. She just got stabbed now.

I gotta say, as far as... Yeah, it's the liquor that gives him the power. It needs me spinach! Wolf Cop is powered by liquor, yes.

Well, me and Wolf Cop have a lot in common. Again, why I thought you would like this. I do. I do. I'm liking this.

Did Jackie Chan have a movie? The Drunken Ninja or something like that? Drunken Master. Another dead lizard person. That was kind of a promotion.

That was an assist. What'd he say? I don't remember. The only problem is... Oh, something about getting a promotion? Oh, Lou has some great one-liners as Wolfman, or as the Wolf Cop, but the voice is...

Sometimes it makes it hard. Well, it's also being jammed in with our voices into some headphones. Yeah, that's true. If you're watching it with better speakers, I'm sure you'd be fine. Jeez, just dead lizard people. Yeah.

I think this is going to become a Halloween staple for you now. I think so. My wife's going to be like, oh, fuck, is it wolf time again? It sure is, honey.

But I identify with Lou Guru so much. He likes drinking. I see myself in him, and he has the five o'clock shadow I've always dreamed of. Oh, my God. That's all I've ever wanted. If you grew a mustache with it, it'd be perfect.

No, seriously, he's got a real Tom Selleck thing going on with that 5 o'clock shadow. If he would grow out the mustache with it, he could run the world. He could be the magnum PI of the great white north. Oh, yeah.

I mean, plus the fact that he turns into a werewolf. Instead of a Hawaiian shirt, instead of a Detroit Tigers hat, it's a Toronto Blue Jays hat.

No Hawaiian shirt, but a Cartwright jacket. And then instead of the Ferrari, it's like a... No, no. It's a Canadian tuxedo. Oh, yes. The Canadian tuxedo. And in place of a t-shirt, he's wearing just a thermal, like the old school waffle white thermal. Yeah.

With a Canadian tuxedo. Oh, there you go. Wolf Cop. Two coming in 2015. That's awesome. That was a great movie. I'm glad you enjoyed it. The best friend just was a lizard person. He didn't shoot back up.

Yeah. But no, yeah, that's all that. And then instead of the Ferrari, it's a snowmobile. I know that Jonathan Cherry is back in Wolf Cop 2. Yeah. Or another Wolf Cop. Okay.

I know that he's back. I don't know if he's the same character or not, but I remember him coming back. There you go. But I know that Jonathan Cherry is also in the next movie we're going to be watching, which is Dark Match. All right. Which will come out.

probably the week after or whenever i get it done but i'm trying to get these both done before halloween gotcha so we'll see before the trick-or-treating yeah and i may or may not find a way to nefariously acquisition the uh

print of dark dark match the dark hold no i don't want to find the dark hold i am the last person in the world that should never have the dark hold yeah

Yeah, it really should be limited to, like, not me. Me. It should just be me. No, you should not have the Darkhold either. What? I'd be fine with the Darkhold.

I severely disagree. You know what? We don't have to sit through the entire credits. We're just going to let everybody go, and then the regular episode will just end all of that. Everybody, thank you so much for listening to this. Kick the fuck out of this week and make it spooky.

you think you got me surrounded you better get your piece and pull it and better have a silver bullet cause I'm the wolf cop yeah I'm the wolf cop don't try to hide from the wolf cop yeah I'm the wolf cop Yeah, I'm the Wolf Cop.