Cinema PSYOPS

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Our continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema psyops. Ten years, man! Ten! Ten years! Can't stop thinking about...

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We got one!

Cinema Psyops. A pirate ship with a tattered flag, sailing across seas of questionable movies while firing cannons of disdain. Cinema Psyops. Long may she sail.

10 years, man! 10 years!

the following show will destroy your self-worth with excessive expletives overtly descriptive sexual deviants and more desperation for external validation than any so-called entertainment should ever be allowed

which you are about to hear is an account of the tragedy which befell two washed up losers in particular court psyops and his immature co-host matt it was all the more tragic in that they were uncultured morons But had they lived very, very full lives,

They could not have expected, nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see each week. For them, an idiotic podcast show became a nightmare.

were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, cinema psyops, with Cort and Matt. So...

Let me tell you something that you should have already realized by now about this fucking show you're listening to. This shit is supposed to be for mature audiences. As in grown-ups, mentally mature. It's supposed to talk about adult subjects in an adult frame of mind.

It's not fucking that at all. This is two emotionally regressed, broken half-wits pretending to offer insight on movies. All they really offer you is an endless sexual perversion and a laundry list of personal...

You know you're better than this.

You have to know you are better than listening to Cinema Zion. Let us once again make clear that which most do not seem to understand. This podcast is marked as explicit.

meant for the young or immature but because it mucks about in very appalling warmness and tasteless filth whilst reveling in it

aims to drag you down into the very same muck, filled with sexual deviancy and decayed morality. Nine years have been up in paragraph.

10 years! 10 years!

Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema science. It's man returning to the most primal violent state as people fight over...

over the tiny resources that remain. What if the world we live in is just a dream or a simulation? Whether it's a dream or some advanced computer game you are playing right now, when it ends, you would be what causes the end of the world. Please.

us all a favor continue dreaming or playing this game of life because when you wake up or unplug there's a chance the rest of us will be leaked out of existence

Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on Cinema Silence. Ten! Ten! Years! Ten years!

And what?

Welcome to the 518th consecutive week of Cinema PsyOps. I'm your host, Cort, and I am joined by a guy who's going to feel like he's been done so dirty this week because joining me is the man who had to do the notes for Final Wars and my co-host, Dan.

Oh my God. so you wanted this fucking movie you wanted to do the hello at the same time i'm guessing that was sort of a primal scream to be like god damn final wars why'd you make me note final wars that's what i hear it all the time and i'm like and i'm like yeah i just

I feel it every time. That's sweet. I really appreciate that. Tell you what, I started doing that and I'm like, man, people are going to hate it. And then the longer I was able to do it, I'm like, man, people are really going to hate this. And then I was like, well, how long can I actually sustain it? And then I just kept training my voice and like trying to get.

better breath control and stuff and get in better shape just to be in better shape and so that means i hold it even longer and longer and longer and then i'm like eventually people are gonna hate me for this right i even say it on the show but you're someone who listens and you enjoy it so i'm just gonna take that as a

sampling because you know podcasters get zero feedback and that means I should just do it every fucking time that's right

If you think otherwise, that's why feedback exists, folks. Like, you know, reach out and communicate with someone because don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me.

Oh, man. Okay, this is going to be, as far as we have it planned, the final recording for doing notes.

without matt matt should be back as of 519 and 520 and matt gets to do the notes for shin godzilla and i'll be taking over if i'm not mistaken um

for godzilla minus one i mean if i were matt i would definitely have skipped this one too so oh yeah i was gonna that was the thing is i knew that the best way to make this a fun show is to have matt try to explain what's going on because the frenetic

Weird, overdone 2000s editing that is in this. This is the same guy who did that Versus movie, right? The director of this film. Because it shows. It feels like they tried to do Versus with Incidental Kaiju, basically, on a bigger budget, right? No, I...

I wish I knew, but I don't. And I don't know. It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. This is a film that desperately wants you to pay attention to every second of the film. And even when it does those long drawn out.

ho pauses in the dialogue there is this throbbing just

Sounds like a cat's about to puke on a loop kind of score to it. Or then there's just this thumping like boom, boom, boom, boom bass over and over again. And then someone will talk and then boom, boom, boom.

you

and it's just like a whole lot of waiting on stuff. You can beatbox. Yeah, yeah. Who knew? I can also beatbox, sort of, but not really. I just sound like a cat thrown up. But what I'm getting at, and the point that I'm trying to make here is that this film is trying very much to be hit.

It's very much of the early 2000s Japanese cinema that was bringing in the audience. There's a lot of F-bombs that they even put in this, but the English dub cuts out. We'll kind of talk about that whenever that's happening in the film and all of that kind of stuff. So I'm thinking that...

100% this is going to be way more fucking fun to discuss than it actually is to watch. Because we both just watched it and I'm 100% solid on that. But you and I are going to have way more fun talking about it tonight. What do you think? I think so too, man. This is like the extreme.

Extreme Godzilla. Whoa. You know what it reminds me of is MST3K when Mike Nelson was hosting. And they were trying to get into extreme stuff. And he was sitting there eating a nice bowl of white rice. And they're like, no.

you can't just eat rice mike you have to be extreme and he goes oh extreme basmati and then like shakes the bowl and that's all he's got that's kind of where we're at with this right like i mean i'm sorry folks we're gonna do our best we're gonna have some fun We'll be right back.

holding that close to the vest yeah that is true um it's probably gonna be i'm guessing in august at this point um yeah and uh right now we're at episode 96 so we're approaching 100 wow 100 episodes.

How many years did it take you to get there? Well, we've been at it for like, I think eight years now. I mean, we're roughly once a month, kind of like it ebbs and flows right now. We kind of have reached the point where we're like, oh, we're a little.

on this one, I guess we don't care because we have tens of listeners. I am ones of those tens. Thank you very much. I'm a steady subscriber. I enjoy Corrupted Youth quite a bit. If you aren't listening out there and you listen to

this show, you're missing out. Corrupted Youth is fun. Yeah, become a dongle. I don't know if you're selling them with that title. No, seriously, check it out. Check it out. Yeah, if you're not into Corrupted Youth, if you haven't ever given it a chance, I'm telling you, right, fuck.

and now check it out because two hours worth of corrupted youth far more entertaining than final wars folks wow that's a i will fucking make a badge out of that cort psyop says two hours of corrupted youth better than Godzilla

I don't have a battle vest, but I might make one just for that. I'll even sign it right under where you, you know, like approval, sign it. Like you can stitch it into your stuff and everything. All right. So the vidcast, where's that at now?

I just reached my fifth episode. It should be out. Well, whenever this recording comes out, it will already be out. And where will they find it under what name? Oh, it'll be under at Dan Beazle Art.

on YouTube and the title of the show is cinema sketches. All right. So the YouTube channel is just at Dan Biesel art, very easy to find. And then it's cinema sketches for the series that you do on that channel. That's how you find it. Correct. I'm sorry. Give me that episode number.

Again, I was too busy worrying about whether or not I was going to get high enough to do the show.

It will be episode five as of this recording. Have we gotten through all of the ones that you didn't want to spoil because you weren't going to talk in advance about all of the various art or anything like that? Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I start off with... centers and then I went on to

Return of the Living Dead. So I did Tar Man for that one. Ooh. Yeah. And then I did a foil packaged TV dinner for the latest Captain America movie, which honestly I didn't mind. Yeah, that actually kind of makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I just, um, I just did large Marge for Peewee's big adventure because telling us what you're drawing doesn't even spoil it. If anything, I hope it would entice someone to go check it out because I have watched some of this.

I haven't watched every episode and I haven't watched the entirety of them. I will freely admit that. What I've done is when I'm resharing, I just grab little snippets and just take and look sad and kind of scan through and look at the drawing. And wow. I mean, I've always thought that you were a hell of an artist, but man, the way that you're doing this stuff and.

like explaining how it works is pretty top-notch it's almost an educational process there yeah it is kind of weird how i've just kind of bumbled into a bob ross type scenario where i start talking about what i'm doing but i felt like it was a way to like fill the void of like sometimes

like i don't have enough to say about the movie and the time it takes me to show it even at high speed yeah

And when you say the movie, you mean the movie of you drawing it out, even at high speed. Correct, yeah. Because I give a review of the movie, and then I will be drawing something either directly related to the movie.

from the movie itself, like Large Marge. Or it is something a little more obscure like that TV dinner for the Captain America movie. Yeah, that was one that you'd have to think about and you would have to have seen that. And I'm assuming it's the...

The latest, latest is in with the Red Hulk in it and stuff. That's the inspiration on that one? Correct. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, the TV dinner does make sense. It just, it took me a little second. So the one you haven't seen yet is for the movie Presence. Have you seen that at all? Yes, I have.

the perspective of the ghost yes I have seen that and it is one of Steven Soderbergh's most interesting films to me for sure and I'm not saying that I dislike like his action and all of his other films I just really enjoy when he just uses

technology to do something completely different. Whether or not I love the results of the film itself doesn't matter to me. I just like to see him take a stab at doing something different just because he can. And that film is definitely one that falls into

that category and i just so happen to really like the results of the film too well you'll have to watch my latest video to find out what i have to say about it and where you drew inspiration for your cinema sketch there we go that's

That's almost how you segue. And speaking of segueing, we need to get the fuck into this movie review because we're on the truncated timetable tonight, too. So let's go ahead and play the Legion Patreon ad. And when we come back, all songs either in the Billboard Top 100 in 2004 or.

or directly released for the first time in 2004. I have to say it that way because I'm not 100% sure about all of them, but this one I am. It's Jimmy Eat World with the song Pain on the Pirate Radio Edit immediately following this. Previously featured in the glimpse of a destroyed universe.

If an artificial intelligence writes a story, does the reality it creates have actual spirits and heart behind the plot or is it as empty and nihilistic as the prompt theory recording makes it sound? If a comedian writes their perceptions of current events down and...

Fits them out to the world around them. Does their skewed perspective augment others' perception in their real world? Currently occurring in the glimpse of a destroyed universe. Either an author controls the reality they write or they do not, you decide.

your choice authorship is control over the reality created by the written word of the author the comedian wrote of a world that he observed did he have any control over the events he speaks of or only over the audience that heard the written words of his perspective the comedian

is a character in the story as anyone else is. All of what we say, think, and experience are written by the author. Then who wrote the reality of your author? And the reality of your author's author? You are describing a Russian doll scenario. As we remove level...

level of reality and drill down to the final doll of reality at the center there has to be only one true author who writes the scripts that are transformed into us as a sketch is that being typing what i am saying right now do i ever get to be off script and improv

Or am I simply a text to speech bot the author found online and uses when they need an atheistic mouthpiece to spout off about how much they hate religious beliefs? This story has but one author and we are all written in his script. We exist the moment we are written.

Without readers, characters do not exist in a book after it is written. Without listeners, characters in podcast sketches never exist until the sketches they reside in are heard. Where do we go when the sketch ends? What happens after our last written word?

is spoken into the ether if we are truly only characters written to fill time in spaces where copy written music has to be removed for fear of takedown notices what happens to us when the author no longer writes our story and the listeners no longer hear our Thank you.

and torment are played out you revere and bow to the idea of an altar was this in the movie

Yeah, yeah, that's another thing about this film being in the touchstone. Yeah, a lot of pop music of the time. I tried to get as much of that out of the clips as I could for you. But instead of bagging on Jimmy Eat World for being pop,

Possibly the type of music that would be in Godzilla Final Wars. Let's get into talking about Godzilla Final Wars from 2004. Yeah, so I broke this down into quarters because it's a two hour long movie. What the hell, Godzilla? Already a mistake. You don't make a Godzilla movie.

movie that is over like an hour and a half to an hour and 40 minutes unless it's all Godzilla action. Well, yeah, definitely not this one. Nope. All right. So this movie kicks off at the South Pole.

flying drill submarine and i say sure in my notes but you know what later on i have renamed it this is the sky turd

I believe it's supposed to be the Atragon sub or something like that. It looks just like it with the drill on the front. There is like total precedence for that. But I've never been a huge fan of Atragon, so I'm not defending it. I'm just pointing it out that I think that's what it's supposed to be. Right.

And I get the influence of this. What is it? The battleship Yamato or whatever. It was a old anime series. Yeah. It's basically like a spaceship that was like a battleship in space. I'm guessing that's where they got their influence for this. Um.

That could be. I don't know about the Atragon one, but the other ship definitely looks like the anime one that you're describing. But the one that has the drill on the front of it definitely looks like the one that was in the Atragon movie that I remember. Okay.

Well, anyways, this flying sky turd attacks Godzilla. There is some rocking with 2Ks, music, and an earthquake that occurs and creates a fissure that Godzilla just kind of...

easily falls into. And the humans... launch a missile blast at the mountain and it causes the this like ice mountain to fall down and seal godzilla in this fissure and you know then we get a weak looking cg zoom out to our

spheroid earth and it cuts to a montage of footage with a voiceover you know what that's our first clip over the past hundred years a succession of relentless wars and widespread environmental destruction had awakened deadly monsters

At last, instead of killing each other, mankind had come together to combat the monsters. The Earth Defense Forces were born. At the same time, mutant humans with remarkable physical abilities were... being discovered all over the world.

The Earth Defense Forces recruited these mutant humans and formed them into a special unit, their name, the M Organization. Their mission was to destroy the number one enemy, the king of monsters that appeared in 1954.

and has since regularly threatened man's very existence on this planet. Its name is... Yeah, that's right. That's where the clip ends. Well, we know the name, right?

It's Godzilla for fuck's sakes. I wanted to point out that that intro reminds me of the saga cell stuff that Lloyd Kaufman always throws in at the beginning of the Toxic Avenger movies to bring you up to speed on the lore of the Toxic Avenger. It even sounds like the guy who does it.

The person who's doing the voice on that sounds like he's so disinterested in trying to explain to you any of this, and that's why it reminds me of that.

That is the best descriptor of that. Right? It's like the laziest saga sale voice you could possibly hope for. And that's what they went with with that guy. We got a guy who could do it.

yeah so yeah like well let's talk about the mutants in the clip so like anybody who hasn't actually seen the clip because this is an audio show um these mutants are wearing like plastic motorcycles

gear and doing Power Ranger moves. They're in the Matrix fighting like they're from the Power Rangers with the same level of martial arts action, but with a bit more gruesome violence.

to it because I'm pretty sure it's the guy from uh that did versus and I'm gonna look that up just to make sure but that's basically how it works I mean the stunts and stuff are cool and everything but they're like you said they're not much above

a Power Rangers level of stunt for what these guys are doing. Yeah, they're just kind of like standing in a void. It's really weird. But anyways, yeah, the stylized title sequence of Godzilla clips goes on for a while and it looks pretty cool.

like once it like gets into the Godzilla stuff it gets a little more visually entertaining I guess yeah I do like the I like the montage of the various Godzillas throughout the years and they show you like him griefing cities in various spots and it's

basically like a highlight reel and i mean there's no need to really explain to everyone that yes we've been rebooting all along and all of these but in final wars all of the films have happened everything exists every version of godzilla is real and also some creatures

that you've seen in other Toho films are also real and in this universe, and Godzilla's going to murder them all. That's the basic plot that they're trying to set up for you.

Yeah, that's it. But back to the movie. It takes us to the ocean floor off the coast of Normandy where we get another sky turd captained by the mustachioed mayor from the video game.

final fight and he's wearing an m bison looking uniform you know what i'm talking about oh absolutely this is don fry he's like a huge mixed martial arts guy over there i don't know if you knew that or not like he's like yes yeah it's like it

It would be like Ken Shamrock just showing up in like American Godzilla movies for no fucking reasons. It's like a similar kind of guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, this guy, like for anybody who doesn't know, he's probably like six, four. He's just thick and has a mustache.

And he's basically what Japan thinks is an American. Right. Like he looks like a spongy pork fed boxer from like the late 1800s, which.

People could probably picture, but for fuck's sakes, if you've ever played Final Fight, he has described Don Fry to a T perfectly. He's the mayor in Final Fight, but dressed like a bison in this. Yeah, and he looks like my Vietnam vet uncle.

It's fucking great, though.

Yeah, Don Fry just looks like he wants to hurt everybody all the time because he pretty much does. Yeah. Well, anyways, this sky turd under the ocean, wherever it is now, encounters a serpent kaiju that wraps it.

And they go down into the ocean floor and into an area heated by magma. And, you know, I'd clip this, but it's just all too damn noisy. And they say the temperature...

90 degrees and some people are passing out i assume this is celsius otherwise these people are weak as hell because it's a simple formula kids 90 degrees celsius times nine fifths plus 32 equals 100

194 degrees Fahrenheit. Gee, thanks for that lesson, science guy. You're welcome.

Anyways, the ropey CG serpent releases the sky turd and is super heated. It's like glowing like yellow. Like, you know, it's like kind of like on fire almost. And the sub retreats. It does a 180 and fire is amazing.

laser from the drill which for some reason freezes the kaiju and then just drill to bits with the manual guidance of our cool guy mutant hero and the crew is relieved and that's our next clip man is gone sir

Damage report, 72%. Captain, we got a call from the base. Captain Gordon. Oh, shit. You almost lost the ship back there.

This time you won't be able to escape court-martial. You know what we just went through? I'll undergo your court-martial or anything else you have. So just keep your mouth shut. Gotengo, return to base. This guy should be crushing beers the entire time.

Yeah, I picture him needing to be chomping on a big old cigar that hasn't been lit in a really long time. And the end of it is all soggy and starting to fall apart from breaking down from being in his mouth, being chewed on and having spit, dissolve it slowly. Like he's turning a cigar in.

two chewing tobacco very slowly. Like that's this guy. Yes. We used to call that back in the nineties. We used to call that the war hero. We'd get cigars and we'd be like hanging out late at night, chomping on one and be like, man, let's go hold it in my mouth.

like a war hero.

Yeah, it's the war hero maneuver of cigar holding. Absolutely. That's this guy. He's doing that to a T, folks. All right. We've got two mutants that are hyper-stylized fighting in the M organization, as they call it. And it's their training facility.

and they're kicking ass with some b-grade techno music that cort provided us earlier with beatboxing there that's that was it that was the whole fucking score yeah and get used to it because it's the matrix with all the notebooks given physics of john woo in this movie yep

The fighting is interrupted by some commander guy whose uniform is looking a little problematic in this clip. If this were real, you'd be dead by now. Luckily, it isn't. Kazama.

No need to be proud. Well, they won the combat, sir. Kazama, the aim of this practice is not to defeat your opponent. Then what is it, sir? To become stronger than you were yesterday. All right now, Ozaki.

Report to me in 30 minutes. Sir. Dismissed. Hey, wait. Why did you hold back? You think you would beat me? No. No, you're the winner. Hey, listen.

Just remember one thing. In real combat it's all about killing. You can't listen to your conscience on the battlefield. If we don't have a conscience, how can we protect people?

Your trouble is you're too soft. Look, we're mutants, okay? We were born to fight and that's that. We're not here to protect. You better remember that.

Well, now that that clip's done, here's another clip where the uniforms get even worse, which you won't Nazi coming from your heroes without proper Verhoevening.

That was a really, really good wordplay. I'm jealous. Here's the clip.

I've been told a mummified monster has been found off the coast of Hokkaido. A UN biologist is being sent to examine the remains. You'll be going as a bodyguard. Is that all I'll be doing, sir? That's correct.

Should be easy. Oh, come on, please. Our unit doesn't do babysitting, sir. Listen, the Gotengo will have to undergo repairs. Captain Gordon is presently in a cell for striking a superior officer. So you won't be going anywhere.

So I've got to look after some old egghead from the UN. Honestly, sir, you know how cranky these old farts can be sometimes. I think you'll find I'm not cranky at all. The biologist from the UN.

Miss Miyuki Otanashi. Hey, are you really a biologist? You look more like a model to me. Well, I thought that all mutants had more muscles than brains and only thought about fighting.

But I see some can be quite flippant, too. Looks can be deceiving. Guess so. I could say the same about you as well. Look at you. You're a wannabe model turned bug collector.

Let's get a few things clear, okay go on First I don't want you getting in my way second don't talk to me unless I ask you a question Does that include in fact don't even look at me?

Unless it's essential. Mutant babysitter. I think they made a good choice. Well, good luck on your mission, bro. Yeah. Good luck on your mission, bro.

Yeah, so I don't mind. In fact, I really enjoy the early 2000s, sassy, badass, like super intelligent.

trying to somehow fool you into thinking that we're passing the back dial test by including this female character that we get in Japanese films. Right. Sometimes they do. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Again, all the time. Right. Right. But I.

like this lady because not only is she sassy she also is like very good at making sure that she has a withering thing to say to another person for almost every response that she gets that

underestimates what she's capable of doing as a person. Like, she not only gives the shit back to them that they give her, right? Like, she actually finds a way to make their ignorance of just assuming something about her make them see

Seemed like absolute asshats in retrospect. And I really like the way that they wrote her to do that. It's one of the few human things in this that I actually enjoy is like her dialogue. Yeah, that's for sure. I just wanted to point that out because I don't have a lot of good.

happy stuff to hang my hooks on for this one i'm sorry folks all right well on that note we're gonna move on because we're now at the defense force museum to check out that mummified monster that honestly if you know your godzilla lore it looks very

familiar i mean it's a goddamn murder chicken right i mean it looks like a goddamn statute murder chicken deep fried murder chicken and hey that's a clip i don't quite know what to make of it it's some kind of hybrid

Half animal, half machine, a cyborg. We examined its outer envelope and found it to be over 12,000 years old. But that's impossible, right? This technology didn't exist that long ago.

Not on this planet, that's for sure. But the dating is correct. So you mean that the cyborg could be from another planet? Hmm.

I see here. That embase was discovered in it. Yes. Human DNA. It has four bases. Adenine, guanine, cytosine, and thymine. There's a fifth base which is particular to mutants.

We've called this fifth base Embase. Embase has been found in this monster's tissue. You mean mutants aren't a metamorphosis?

And they may have a genetic link with this... this creature from another planet. Ozaki, it seems you two are related. Say hi to your grandpa.

Totally ridiculous. Oh, what is this? A weird television interview and some lab talk? Well, that's a big ol' clip time. Oh, this is the way. You're the first Japanese to be elected Secretary General.

How do you see the future role of the UN? I believe it must help mankind realize its potential. Someday in the future, our logic and our science, with the proper nurturing, will solve all the problems on this planet.

We discover, for example, the meaning of our very existence here and solve life's mysteries. If I can contribute to that effort, then I think my term at the UN will have been worthwhile.

Tell me, sir, are you going back to New York? Yes. I admit it's not easy getting used to all the traveling that goes with the post. Of course, being separated from Clint is the hardest part of all.

Clint is your son? No, my dog. Oh, I didn't know you had a dog. Yes, I think he's the only one who's not let my promotion go to his head.

Professor, look at this. Infant Island? Look here. The monster's name is Gigan.

Where are we? This place is Infant Island. Please listen. There's something we must tell you. 12,000 years ago...

Gigan came to Earth and caused great destruction. However, Mothra fought bravely against Gigan. The story is written on the cave walls.

Pygan was an evil entity. And today, the mutants have that evil in their blood cells. That's crazy. You must remember.

You decide how you use your power, whether it's for good or evil. As long as you remain friends of the Earth, then Mothra will remain your ally.

Did I dream that? Well, maybe it was an hallucination. No. No, it was real enough. Huh? Take this talisman. It was made on the island in ancient times.

Okay, so the UN guy from the interview on this piss-poor CGI fight, when something outside the plane flies by and causes the plane to explode, we then go to New York.

How do we know it's New York? Well, it's by this horrible stereotyping of a pimp's car getting towed in this clip. This is the way.

Come on, man. I ought to be talking to you for five minutes. Five minutes, five seconds, doesn't freaking matter, because I'm going to bust you up. I'm looking at it, man. I'm looking at it, man.

Yo, what's up? Come on, put the gun down. No, no, see, it's too late for that. Just here, get a hand cannon. I'll blow your ass all the way back to Jersey. Great! Go for it. Shut the hell up, you drunk!

I'll shoot him before I still finish you!

Totally would have clipped all of this.

so bad this is also where they start cutting out f-bombs yeah yeah this is definitely this clip uh seven you can actually i think when the guy says what the hell or whatever you will look at the mouthing of the words and they're definitely saying what the fuck i'm not sure why they cut that

But yeah, they absolutely did. Well, I'm not for fuck's sake. That sound effect when their hats get blown off. Oh, yeah. That's the big thing that I have a huge issue with. You can hear it in the clip still. But when that goes flying by, they do like a cartoon sound effect.

of their hats coming off and then there's other cartoon sound effects that they include in this that pretty much take you away from any reality that is supposed to be making you feel like these giant monsters are actually destroying cities and ordinarily watching

Dan grief New York city like this and do the flyby that follows this clip is incredible. But those cartoon sound effects make me push the fuck off button and I can enjoy it. Like I have a really, really hard time. Yeah. It's been a while since.

i've watched this like the the japanese version in full and i've only watched the subtitled version so this is my first time with a dubbed version and i don't remember if those sound effects are in there or not i

Don't know. Honestly, I just probably blanked it out and woke up like a half second later and I was like, everything's fine. I think when we do the commentary on this one alone, I think I'm going to leave the original Japanese on and that way we can actually see if it's there.

when we end up doing the commentary and then we'll comment on it a little bit further. But yeah, that's a good point. Maybe it's just the English dub because they would do stuff like that sometimes. Yeah. Like cutting out the off bombs and making it more like kid friendly because you know, like nobody likes it.

any of this stuff except for children.

Yeah, and that's why they put in the sound effects too. But by this point, Toho was in control of those dubs mostly, so somebody still made that choice in the executive branch there to do this, right?

Yeah, we can think of better things because Rodan has officially entered this movie to the dismay of many New Yorkers in a mixed bag of building destroying effects. Sometimes it looks good. Sometimes it looks terrible. The CGI stuff is.

is not great, but there's a couple of suit landings like where an actual person inside of a Rodin suit, wings and all, like full body suit, is standing on top of what looks like a skyscraper when it lands there. The smashing of the building stuff.

is a little rough, but at least it's a practical effect and it looks pretty good. Then they CGI in a little bit more rubble when they cut to the wide shot of the man or person in the suit with the wings flapping to be that Rodan. And that looks incredible. And then...

The flying stuff after that where Rodan's swooping past the city and they do the CGI chemtrail looking thing where the city explodes as he flies past with that sonic boom thing that he does. They actually do these

like little trails of like sound waves or power waves or whatever it is where he's flying by and it sells that that's almost like a power that he radiates that propels him forward more so than just him flying past causes that right yeah and and those are probably

Probably some of the best, like when they're mixing a little CG with practical effects, it probably comes out the best. Yeah, the flying stuff like that because it's an actual suit still for a good portion of it. But what they do is turn the suit and...

then do the cgi trails to really sell it flying at like even higher speeds and then the digital damage is mixed in on those with actual explosions of models to where they augment it and give more debris and things like that and make it look at least a little bit more

believable some of them work better than others but i mean i gotta give them the good old college try because there's more good than bad in this rodent sequence yeah too bad it doesn't stick for the rest of the film fair

but hey you know what shit is getting lit at the earth defense force hq for another clip let me have the latest positions yeah switch to channel c

I need a search location. M35 roger. Roger, we'll need to ever report immediately. Rumbling has been deployed. Any news from the Secretary General? No, he's still missing.

Anguirus! Sighted in Shanghai! We must dispatch Caillou now. Right. Hey, sir! Okinawa! It's under attack! So is Paris.

And Cindy too. Hey, global kaiju shenanigans.

So poor Sydney, Australia is being attacked by none other than that pesky iguana that was mistaken for Godzilla back in 1998, which in this continuity and in Toho is referred to as

zilla i forget what the game was but there was a fighting game that they decided to extend an olive branch to this version of zilla that people became really big fans of in that fighting game because they just called it zilla and so i

think that's also why they included it here is because of that whatever that fighting game was i mean if you're gonna do a movie that's basically a version of a godzilla fighting game you might as well include a character that got popular from your actual godzilla fighting game and i think

That's why they did that with this Zilla. But I also love that all the CG for this Zilla is just as fucking dog shit as the CGI it looked like in 98. And they just popped it into this movie. Like, it just looks like they lifted CGI from the Matthew Broderick Godzilla and just plopped it.

in here and like didn't even fix it up like is the ultimate fuck you or at least that's how I want to pretend because it makes me feel better about it

Yeah, so I got to give a quick shout out to my friend Christopher Condi, who made a podcast called No Croissant, the Godzilla 98 story. And they kind of get into it and they've got some like good interviews and stuff.

and it kind of...

I feel like it kind of started off as like we're kind of making fun of this and then like realize that we kind of have a love for this movie. So it's very interesting. It's a limited, limited podcast, but it's worth checking out. It's out there. iTunes, all that kind of stuff for people.

to check out if they want to yep okay so say the name one more time for folks that may need it repeated for them and then we can move on no croissant the godzilla 98 story there we go let's finish our notes yeah shanghai has the always read inguris

Anguinus, as he's sometimes called. And this boy, he's just stomping through the streets. I love Anguirus. He's a cool monster. And usually Godzilla's bro. Yeah, I really, really, really like him.

like the Anguirus in this. And it makes me sad that we didn't get more because when he pill bugs to like in this battle and rolls around to grief the city. And then some of the various attacks that he uses that were like the old school flipping backwards purposely to use your, your.

spikes on your back to do an attack and all of the stuff that they did there's

tons of little member berries and if you're a fan of Anguirus you're like okay I think this director really did like Anguirus because he gets a lot of fucking props and a lot of love in this oh for sure and I'm here for it I'm here for it all day yeah

I mean, shit. I totally agree. He's a, he's a rad Kaiju for sure. Yeah. And I love the ones where he's his buddy too, where he's Godzilla's buddy.

I do. Yeah, he's a solid, he's solid all the time. But Okinawa is being trampled by, as I like to call him, that dog man you have to sing out of a cave.

King Caesar. I got plenty of love for King Caesar in my heart, and I really, really didn't think they did a lot with him in this. We never see him once capture any energy in his eyes and then fire it back, which is like his signature.

move and they so could have had him doing that while fighting the human squad in some way shape or form but no nothing he gets a good upgrade in this too he looks great actually yeah i really like the sculpt on this and i'm just glad that he got included because i feel

like a lot of people shit on King Caesar and he doesn't deserve it. You know, he's just one of those magical Kaiju, you know, they didn't want to do another Mothra. They tried something different and they did dog man and he's kind of cool. Like give him a break. Yeah. Sing him out of a cave. He'll come out.

Yeah. You just got to really sing him out of a cave. Really sing him out of a cave. By the way, Dog Man That Sings Out of a Cave is currently a t-shirt available on my TeePublic. You don't say. The Flying Mantis, uh, ooh, Kamakuras is...

wreaking havoc in Paris and Camongo the spider kills a lonely dude in a desert trailer in Arizona that had shades of like Godzilla from GMK where he's just like I'm going to specifically grief this person in this hospital room

Yeah. Well, it's a shit on this one dude in Arizona. Yeah. We also get this like weird, like I put them down as a shit eating Canadian boy.

because he's got like all this chocolate around his mouth for some reason i was like was he eating shit what's happening here um but yeah this guy basically gives a toy ad while watching the news because he's playing with literally all the

vinyl figures i was never a big fan of those i don't like the sculpts of them and they're super expensive to really try to collect so i've i know people are into them and i know people grab them just because they're you know official and everything but i've just never been a

fan of the vinyls just haven't they're good for little kids though i will say that like i mean well back when i was getting them for brennan they were like not as expensive okay but they were that's how we started off like collecting figures was just that the

little vinyl guys where basic like what four point articulation yeah and they're good for you like you said actual kids to actually play with and then you can keep them away from like your NECA and or your well your real good collectible like your sideshow

version of a Godzilla because you'll spend through the fucking nose for a sideshow and anything.

one of those sh monster arts yeah yeah i have a couple of those and by a couple i mean one and i'm not telling my wife how much i spent on it well i have most of brennan's at my house and i guess he can't get them unless he moves back in No.

I'm going to laugh about that again. Especially if you've got a SH Arts Mechagodzilla because that's really spendy. I'll send you a picture of the mantle. Awesome.

Can't wait.

Anyways, hey, you know what this movie hasn't had yet? It's an old man and an annoying kid. Oh, yeah. So it's a good thing we get them here as an old man in a fur trapper outfit finds a baby goji in the woods of Mount Fuji.

And that's our next clip. What the hell are you? Don't move.

You hear? Otherwise I'll let you have it. No, Grandpa. You mustn't shoot. He's scared. He won't hurt you. No, Grandpa.

What the heck is that thing anyway?

Okay. Yeah. That's that's something. Yeah. So I would just say that because they included Manila in this and they went out of their way to make these goofy moments in this, maybe the cartoon.

sound effects that we were complaining about earlier were intentional, even in the regular dub. I don't know. Yeah, probably. I feel like they always kind of want to like, oh, well, shit, this is supposed to be kid-friendly, isn't it? Yeah, I think they, obviously they removed the

bombs for the English language version because you can't say fuck in America more than once and maintain a PG-13. And PG to PG-13 is really your sweet spot for Godzilla because then children of all ages can enjoy it. Which isn't a bad thing. It really isn't. Not at all.

That's where the American versions of Legendary Pictures, that is their sweet spot. They aim for the PG-13. Like, that's why a lot of the monsters don't bleed red, because otherwise they'd have to go R. Yeah. And, you know, my son Brennan...

that i do the podcast with and i like we've spent a lot of time discussing like how the legendary thing has just become the new like showa era of just whatever whatever goofiness goes like let's just make it fun for everybody because it

Yeah. Yeah. That's the real crux of it is if you can make giant monsters fucking shit up fun, that's a big success for you. That's all you have to make sure of is that it's still fun to watch in some way, shape or form. And I think you're selling them.

toys and shit yeah legendary has done a very good job of that and uh toho is probably very happy with that because they can really take their time and put out the movies that we're going to be discussing uh coming up in the next two weeks matt and i uh

Because of this, the legendary pictures really is what turned around what kind of was going to die on the vine with Final Wars. And none of us wanted to leave it at this. But this was supposed to be the absolute last they were going to retire Godzilla and not do anymore. Yeah, I'm so joking.

awesome Matt yeah why don't we finish this off so that people can hear him talk about better movies okay

Eberra, the lobster monster, is in Tokai and causing trouble. And dude, the tanks in this scene are pathetic. All the special effects. The stuff I was complaining about that it looks like Power Rangers level of stunts and explosions.

explosions and stuff is this sequence where they do my boy ever very dirty in this.

I mean, I know it's just a giant lobster, but man, it's just, they do them so dirty in this. Those tanks are like, I mean, no offense to like people who make fan films, but fan film people, you do better than this. This is like a couple of like, I could just.

just shake around a couple model tanks and it would look fine.

Anyways, yeah, after some like weird vehicular action sequences and explosion nonsense, we get an M squad ready for action. And hey, that's a clip. There's a generating plant ahead.

We must stop it before it's too late. Right. Ozaki with Kazama. The rest of you must cover them. Try to distract its attention while those two fire the mazer.

We're gonna fry that lobster! Yes, sir! Come on! Well, the squad manages to hop around and take Eberra down with high-tech weapons, but just before the final blow can be made, the monster vanishes. And I'm left wondering, so why now...

just equip these weapons on their flying like space turds and shit and i mean if handheld weapons do this much damage having them on a larger scale would be a no-brainer but movie gonna movie i guess uh there's a very good explanation

for that Dan is there bad writing it's just terrible writing you should not be able to handhold a weapon that can do more damage to a kaiju than you will be able to fit on a ship if you can handhold this weird fucking laser gun thing that will punch

through the crustaceous shell of a giant kaiju lobster. And yet you were explaining to me that a giant ship with a drill on the end of it cannot pierce the same areas of certain monsters.

I don't believe it. And then like they have these giant masers that don't act like masers. Like Manda froze when they fired it with a maser, even though it was already hot. Shouldn't it have just finished burning up and just gone completely different? Like the maser frozen into stone. I mean, there's a whole bunch of stuff.

that this movie just goes, yeah, we're not paying attention to any rules about what any of this stuff is supposed to do. We're just going to use terms that'll be familiar to you nerds that love Godzilla, and then we'll throw in a bunch of Matrix action for the actual cool people we want to come see this film. And, oh yeah, here's a few more monsters, you dumbf...

That's this fun. Well, you know, hey, for us nerds, like... really trying to think about this just throw it all out the window because it turns out a ufo has saved the cities from the monsters and has arrived at the hq on our next clip

What on earth happened? We're getting reports that the UFO in Paris eliminated come a curse. King Caesar has vanished. They've all gone. What the hell? The UFO is approaching. What's its position?

Point zero zero, sir. It's above us. It's here!

That's the end of our first quarter. I kind of mentioned it before we went into that clip when I was talking about how they did Eberra dirty and how I have big problems with a lot of this. And like, I really meant to wait till we got to this point. But, you know, the bastard in my head wouldn't let those intrusive thoughts.

Stay put, is I guess what I'm saying.

Yeah, I really feel like I'm being condescended to in the very first quarter of this film. And I think they're really desperately trying to bring in a young, hip audience that really wants to see a Matrix knockoff. And then...

they threw in kaiju action for the dumb fucking nerds that you know this belongs to and I don't know what Toho was thinking making this a script in a movie because I feel very condescended and insulted almost constantly with this yeah and well I was hanging out

with brennan today because he had the work so he can't be here with us and we were talking about it and i was like you know it really feels like at the time because it's early 2000s that perhaps you know like the matrix had come

and the x-men movies and all this other stuff and they were like well i don't know let's just make it like that because that's what people want to see and they don't want to see like all the other stuff we've been doing this whole time

the series when really when it comes down to it when you're watching this movie and you get these glimpses of the older Toho movies you kind of go but I would rather be watching that agreed because because they think

I mean, I get it, though, because the first time I saw this movie, I was like, wow, they did something different other than boring human stuff. And they made it an action movie, but it ends up becoming like an action movie with...

Godzilla side effects and that doesn't work.

Yeah, they tried all sorts of stuff to get you into the human interest story. And I was kind of talking about it. It's Monster Zero is the film that I know it from. But it's the same aliens that come to Earth and they snag Rodan and Godzilla to fight.

And then Rodan and Godzilla then team up to fight King Ghidra and take him out. And it's more of the same.

kind of stuff but I mean they do the same thing where they teleport well they don't even teleport they just use like this like zero gravity zero point energy or some shit like that to drag them off planet but like it's the same thing here where they are almost like

dissolving the creatures and storing them digitally for some reason and then rebuilding them with the ship because there's no way they can house all of them in that giant fucking ship anyway. Right?

And it's all, I never even, my brain juice is like, whatever. I didn't even think about it that deep, but that's great though. I like that thought.

Right, like they're teleporting them to a liminal space that doesn't really exist in our reality because there's no way they can store four kaijus on that fucking ball, right? And I was waiting for that thing to transform and to look like something out of Phantasm, but we never really get it.

that either right there's just there's there's a lot of stuff where I'm like I don't know if you're really planning this out and I did I did double check it is the guy who did the movie versus it is the same director they on IMDB they do credit all the other directors of like the

clips from previous Godzilla movies that they've reused in this but it is primarily the same gentleman who did Versus and it's literally

they made him because versus was such a big hit. They're like redo versus make it less sleazy, make it a little more kid oriented and maybe throw in some kaiju stuff. Like that's what this film was. And it's just, it's just so disappointing on multiple levels.

There's some genuine action stuff that's still fun to watch. I had a hard time keeping my attention on this one. Really, I did you dirty, Dan, by making you do the notes, and I'm going to do you dirty by making you continue doing the notes. So let's keep going.

Well, that's all right, because other monsters begin to disappear as well, leading into a monster clip that literally covers the entirety of the alien plot of this movie. So have fun with that, Cort. Here's your clip.

Secretary General, what happened? I was in danger, but they rescued me. What do you mean, then? I guess you'd call them aliens. What, from another planet? They're peaceful, I assure you. I believe.

It's a new chapter in our history. Friends, we're all privileged to witness this historic moment in the life of the Earth.

Greetings, welcome people of planet Earth. We have come in peace, have no fear. How can we be sure that your aims are peaceful?

We eliminated all the monsters for you. We could have attacked you instead after all. We have come from another solar system to bring you our friendship. Our planet's name is unpronounceable in your tongues, I'm afraid.

However, you may call us exillions. What is your purpose here on Earth? Your planet is in great danger.

Another large planet is rapidly approaching your Earth. It is calculated to hit you in 11,736 hours, 17 minutes, and 32 seconds. 30, 29, 28.

27. Planet Gorth. There is only one way to stop the two planets from colliding. You must concentrate all your firepower on one point to intercept Gorth.

We've calculated the exact time and position. Gentlemen, this is a time of great trial for us. We must decide to step forward into a new phase of our existence. With fair help.

Mankind is about to rise to new levels in its evolutionary process. Now the universe can finally be united. We'll no longer be talking about United Nations, but the Space Nations!

We're in the square looking up at the UFO. But of course we're not allowed to get in any closer as it's guarded by defense troops. But let's take a look.

The square is awash with people trying to get even a glimpse of the UFO's occupants, or Exilium, as they're calling themselves. The atmosphere here is quite...

And we're really excited to have an alien as our guest on the show today. Your name, sir, is... X. X. That's right. Is that your real name or a pseudonym? My real name's too difficult, so I chose X.

I chose it because I thought it expressed my origins well. Well, you know, like I come from outer space, I'm mysterious, you know, all that stuff. I see what you mean, yeah, it suits you really well.

I agree. A really good choice. Well, I thought so. So tell me, X.

For the past few days now, aliens have been living among us here on Earth. It's an incredible event. But what do people think of their performance? Well, let's find out. Let's ask you, Professor Osuki. Well, I can't understand the hype. The media are to blame.

All this stuff about aliens and outer space. Look, you can't deny what's happening. You've always denied the existence of aliens. We all remember. And now they're with us. That's true. Admit you're wrong. He's got a point. But there's nothing to prove that these men, the aliens, are in fact...

extraterrestrials. There's no scientific proof at all. I'm sorry. Who cares if there's proof or not? I think the most important thing is to keep the dream alive. That's all. It's brilliant. All these guys saying they're aliens. It's so cool. I think the young lady's right. At least we get a good laugh.

That isn't what I mean. Listen, I think we need to have closer contact with the aliens. Of course, I don't mean we should start laying into them or anything. Just learn as much from them as we can, don't you think? I agree. Well, there's one thing for sure. They're here and there's nothing we can do about it. Professor, there was a...

time when you also denied their existence. I wasn't the only one. Or had you forgotten? Alright, I may have said that, but they're here now, aren't they? I'm not gonna deny what's in front of my eyes, alright? Well, I'm sorry to say that in time, you're going to be proved wrong.

Seriously, I really don't know what to think about all this. Just when we find out about Gigan's origins, our exillion friends show up. Well, that doesn't mean there's a connection between them, you know. We don't have any proof, do we? Well, if it's proof you want. Hey, sis!

Hannah's your sister? I don't believe it. How are you, Miu? Good. Well, I see you've got yourself a boyfriend. Are you kidding? No, he's not my boyfriend. All right, sis. Where's this proof, huh?

Notice anything? Something isn't right here.

I'm not quite sure what it is. Something's weird. Look at his eyes. You're right. The man doesn't like his eyelids. No, not like us human beings.

You know what? We ought to talk to him. Mr. Secretary General. Um, we've met before. Do you remember, sir? Who are you? Anna of NITO TV, sir. I'm busy. What do you want?

Well, sir, your proposal for the establishment of the Space Nations is wonderful. And I was just wondering if you'd have time to give me an interview this week. Maybe. I'll think about it. Could I call your secretary? As I said, I'm very busy.

By the way, how's your dog? My what? Your dog, sir. Oh, yes. Dog. Traitor! Dirty squid!

Mr. Secretary General, you're hurt. Look at your hand. You're bleeding. What? No, I'm quite all right. Thank you. Really? You should see a doctor. I said I'm all right. Miyuki. Yeah? Up there.

You're right, he's not human. I knew it! It's nothing like anything we have here on Earth. It confirms your suspicions. He's an exilion. Excuse me.

Ensign Ozaki. Sound easy. Well, Ensign? Ma'am, it's about the UN Secretary General. Since he came back from his travels, ma'am, he's been working on his latest project, setting up the Space Nations Council. What's the problem, Ensign? Well...

I feel that his opponents may step up their attacks against him. Consequently, we will need to increase our security measures accordingly. Oh, Erica. Is that all? Kimigo. Ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.

You seem to be unhappy about something. You sent the monsters into battle, and then you eliminated them all. What was the point? I don't understand. Of course you don't. You're young.

You will realize one day that might isn't always right. A peaceful settlement is much more desirable. But with all the power at our disposal... Enough! Now go!

He who depends solely on power eventually finds that that power is turned against him. You should remember that.

Take a look here. These photographs were taken at different observatories on Earth at different times. I don't get it. All the photos look the same. Yes, they're all identical. Each photograph is a perfect copy of the others. It's unnatural.

It's like some kind of holograph. You mean to say... Gorath doesn't exist? Hmm. The Exilians have been fooling us from the start.

The Secretary General is an alien. So, in fact, is the Chief. So they've replaced our leaders. That's incredible! We don't know who we can trust. Well, I can think of one person.

Who I'm pretty certain is still trustworthy. Captain Gordon. Ozaki? I swear. It's not quite what you think, Captain.

That's confidential data.

Are you gonna poke your nose into every file in this department? How'd you get in here? If you poke around too much, you're gonna find out things you shouldn't know. What are you gonna do with me?

You're aliens, aren't you? You know far too much you'll have to be eliminated. Wow, look what crawled out of the woodwork. I know what the hell you are. Damn earthquakes. Hey.

Watch it, X-Man. There's no way you can stop our people. We're gonna crush you like worms. Are you alright? What about you? I'll be fine.

Now we've got a nice souvenir. I have a surprise for you, Mr. Secretary General. I hope you like it. Oh, what is it? Have you forgotten?

Oh, goodness me. It's my dog. How silly of me. Well, now, go and see the Secretary General. Excuse me. Why don't you call it by its name, sir? Go on. Go ahead.

Yes, well, I... You mean you don't remember it? What a pity. Go on, remind him, please. I'm quite sure you know his dog's name.

Yes, I took the trouble to find out. His name's Clint. Yes, of course it's Clint. I remember now. Yes, here, Clint. Come on, boy.

Good boy. Come and see me. What's the matter? That's my boy. Well, Cliff, good dog. Yes, that's better.

I've been away so long, he hardly recognizes me. Candy. Here, Candy. In fact, there was no way you could have known this dog's name. Because you see, this dog belongs to me.

But you... you said it was... No, you didn't listen. I never said that this dog here belonged to you. In your box. Very interesting.

So what's your point? Don't play innocent. That's what you really are.

All right, explain! Well, in fact, we had to. We didn't want to... The make-believe is over now.

From now on, I'm in charge of things. Earthlings. Your history stops here. From now on, your kettle. Your one and only function is to be our food supply.

Why don't you show us your real face? Well, you know what? I kinda like this face.

Not bad for cattle, don't you think? Resistance is useless. Our weapons and science are far superior to anything you have. What's more, the monsters are under our control.

You don't have a hope in hell. I like to play the odds. You want me to try? I deserve this. I deserve that long clip.

We deserve this. The movie did this to us. So, Cort, what have we learned? We've learned that Gigan is our crusty, mummified monster, which we could tell. Lizard people.

infiltrating the government. They are real and they want to create a new world order and eat people. Wait, I always saw this in V.

Hang on now. Americans are thick mustachioed rule-breaking burly dudes who will never side with government, especially when run by lizard people. We've also learned that anyone who's obsessed with the letter X thinks he's...

cool and is really just a fucking douche ghoul. And also we've learned that journalism is essential to reveal the truth. All in that one clip. Yeah, for real.

Yeah, they really tried to sideload a whole fucking story. And that's like almost another fourth of your film, right? Like that's like half of what we need to do for the next four. Right. But like, think about it, though. Like how much from this one clip that you just played is.

crazy weird shit that fucking idiots in our country currently think is reality. That's fucked up. I cannot comment on that currently.

for multiple reasons, including my current employment. But you're not wrong in that observation. Yeah, there are people that think that space lasers control the weather and that there are certain people that are in control of these weather machines.

And that's why people are dying in states where people normally die from really horrible accidents and or storms that are happening. And it has nothing to do with climate change. You're not wrong. There's people that are ignoring science and turning towards this kind of lunacy story that you...

don't even buy in a kaiju film and yet is our reality it's fucking stupid that we live in this fucking reality you're not wrong

so at this point i started crying yeah hey hey i gotta wipe those tears away because the fight that is about to occur doesn't because x can control the mutants except for the hero guy for some

...yet to be revealed, and he and his crew just teleport away, and the commander takes on the mind-controlled mutants to allow Mustache, the reporter, the scientist, and the mutant dude to escape.

cast everyone yay yes yes i think i summed that up better later on in my notes right but anyways um their getaway in a police truck and all i can think of is the dead kennedy sir

We're going downtown, gonna beat up the rock! But it's...

It's interrupted by the dickish mutant guy on a motorcycle, but don't worry because the good mutant guy also has a motorcycle in the back of this truck, and this leads to a high-octane motorcycle chase fight that description...

could not do justice. However, the good guy eventually just wheel kicks the bad guy and that brings us the end of the first half of the movie. These are stunt sequences that really showcase what this director is.

capable of i don't think that they should have done a kaiju film but the stunts in this on the motorcycle you're absolutely right this is the shit that is worth seeing in the human interest story from this film these guys are dragging each other on a motorcycle one is standing up and being

dragged from behind or pushed in front of a motorcycle while they are fist fighting. Yeah.

like on a fucking highway yeah it's it's pretty indescribable you're not wrong but like that's the closest that i'm going to be able to get out and like just fucking watch it because this is actually some good shit in this film yeah like the actual physical stunt work in this is pretty

fucking cool. Except for when they were fighting my crustacean man. I didn't like any of the explosions and them jumping out because it was just clearly them falling into a bunch of empty cardboard boxes and mattresses or whatever, you know, airbags.

And then like, you know, the flower explosion that your science teacher does behind them. Right. That's. But you're not wrong. This stuff in this sequence is fucking the tits. Yeah. I don't even care that it's an empty highway at this point. I'm like, all right, that was.

cool yeah i for a moment forgot that i was angry that godzilla hasn't even been in the film yet and we're two quarters of the way through

Yeah, we can move on. I'm just the first half of this movie. There's no Godzilla, basically. Yeah, it's exactly an hour before Godzilla shows up again.

after Godzilla gets buried at like the five minute mark. And then it's a full hour because it's an hour and five minutes Godzilla reemerges. So you have to wait a full hour of this stuff before Godzilla comes back. Should we start the second half? Let's do it. All right. X activates Gigan and...

Oh man, my boy is looking good with a Millennium upgrade. Because X gives his orders in a breezy clip. I want you to release all the monsters.

I want the earthlings to see their influence. They are nothing more than livestock.

We shall destroy their civilization. So the crispy fried version of Gigan that emerges is the more traditional 70s murder chicken looking Gigan, which you said was upgraded. And I was happy with this when we got this.

This was very cool. And I do like the fight that you're about to describe tremendously. It's one of my favorite things in this film. And then just when you think that you lose Gigan at the end, just wait, because this film at least rewards you with that.

So, yeah, I mean, this suit, this suit is like well sculpted. This is, this is fun. This is a good modernization for the time because I mean, everything was a little more extreme, but I mean, it looks, it looks fucking fantastic.

Yeah, this is still the hook version, too, because we do get a final form of Gigan that will resurface, which goes even more off the rails insane, like 2000s-ish intense. And I don't mind it at all. Like, I'm...

here for that. If you're going to make the murder chicken even more murdery, I'm fine with that. Because it's already ridiculous. There's nothing you're going to do that's not going to make my Gigan look ridiculous. But there are some things that you're going to do that are going to make him look way more fucking dangerous while he's ridiculous at the same time.

Yeah, this is my favorite kaiju out of the Godzilla series, for sure. Yeah, I can see that. The murder chicken is such a cool design, especially the original 70s version and the revamp they did here to kind of emulate that is a really loving tribute.

but i agree yeah but we get a swarm of spacecraft that exit this like ball mothership and along with the other monsters they get beamed down and everybody's just fucking shit up like completely

it's the end of the world literally like every city is falling every place is being shot up trailers in arizona are randomly being spider attacked for no reason because that's how spider rolls France is getting the biggest cockroach infestation it's ever had in girth, not just population.

It's nuts. This stuff is actually fun. This shit is actually fun. When you get these cuts of them griefing the cities, I wish we could focus in on it more, but it is fun. I do have to admit. You can't focus on it, Corp, because just when you forgot about the old man kid and the little girl.

goji they get buzzed by some spaceships and they decide to just like head out just as the kid names the little goji milla oh got an email oh as it's like At least they made him look a little bit like the baby Godzilla that I enjoyed from the 90s that is actually adorable.

you know what i mean like i i kind of like that one i've always hated manila but at least this one looks a little bit more like the baby godzilla and it's not as irritating as like the not son of godzilla but the one after

that like all monsters attack or whatever where they were on monster island yeah where he's like Right, like he talks like that and they just do all sorts of awful things with the character and he does shrink down to where the kids can see him and they do make a callback to that, but whatever.

i'm sorry yeah our heroes arrive at their secret hq with the injured uh dick mutant guy who gets a brief lesson in teamwork and while they have the sky turd they may need some

Something better, which gets discussed in, what else? A clip. They'll find us before long. We have to move, sir. Ozaki, there's one last hope. We still have Katango, right? Katango's our last hope, you say? Nah, you're wrong.

Our last hope is... right here. At the South Pole. In Arian Chi. You mean... you want to wake Godzilla?

Godzilla. The most destructive weapon on Earth. But you can't be serious. It could destroy the whole world. There is no world left to be destroyed. But what if they gain control of it? Impossible.

There's no embase in its DNA. What's this embase? Well, the Exilians, Gigan, and the Ibira fragments attached to Ensign Kazama, too. They all contain embase in their DNA.

It's the same with the mutants. So, everything within base is controlled by Xelion. Exactly right.

I guess the Exilians must have modified or restructured the monster's DNA in order to gain control over them. So why didn't they gain control over me? I can't answer that right now, but thank god they didn't.

And that's it. Godzilla can handle the monsters. I want to kick the exilium kid's ass. What if Godzilla manages to defeat the monsters? What then?

What do we do? I'll lock him up. Again. It won't be that easy. Well, I've done it before.

I shot that missile. The world is ruined and the war is already lost. Now it's a matter of pride.

Whether we die hiding or die fighting. Captain, are you telling me that? You intend going back down there through enemy lines. Wake up Godzilla. Then...

Bring him right back here, get him to fight all the other monsters and then somehow, I don't know with what weapons, destroy the Exilion Invasion Force? Then go back to the South Pole and lock up Godzilla again? Yes.

Hey, Cort, why don't you just grow a mustache and we can go kill some kaiju. You know, when I do it, I just try to not sound like Beetlejuice, but I can do it. Then I kind of slipped into a little bit of the...

That guy from Sling Blade. Did you check them points? French fried taters. I like mustard on my taters. Some folks like ketchup.

French fried kaju. I'm Don Fry. I got the most throat nodes of anyone ever. Seriously, that's the voice of a person who eats cigars. He needs to be chomping a cigar. He needs to like...

be shitting whole cigars because he eats them and reconstitutes them out. There's a special Don Fry made cigar. It's anus rolled by Don Fry.

people would pay top dollar for that yeah yeah i know that they would and that's what disturbs me the most about the joke that i just made we need to move on so i can forget that well you know what's making me think of is this uh sky turd because it's prepped for

battle, and hey, Mustache has a clip for us. Send them a message. We're coming to wake up Godzilla.

This final mission will decide the fate of the human race. This is Operation Final War.

You said he sounded kind of sleepy during the clip. I think he sounds a little inebriated during the clip. That's probably true, too. Yeah. Hey, hey, Cort, do I sound inebriated? Maybe. Are you? Wisconsin has no answers for that.

Yeah.

All right. Hey, well, he, well, you know what? He kind of said the title there. Kind of. Yeah. We're starting the final war. We're finally an hour into the film with five minutes to go before they actually release Godzilla. We're starting the final war. Yeah. Oh man. We got.

Got a couple bros just vibing out at Area G at the South Pole, and hey, that's a clip. Glenn! Glenn! What's up? The Gotango survived. Seems that we're not the only ones left. Really?

Really? Is that all you can say? Really? The world is ruined. There's nothing we can do. I just want to be left in peace. Well, they said they're coming. What? Here? What are they coming here for? They're coming to wake up Godzilla.

Okay, you mentioned it during the clip that you really love these dudes and you also enjoyed the music. And I really think that that is a direct reference to some characters in Son of Godzilla. And I think that might be the music, if I remember correctly, because there's a lot of like upbeat...

rock and son of Godzilla and it's kind of goofy and fun.

And there's a bunch of comic like characters that act like this in that too, where they're like dude bros of that era. So I really feel like this may be kind of a wink and nod to that, or I'm just really stoned and trying to find something to like. No, you should like.

I like this because they are fun. Yeah, it's decent stuff and it's okay human interaction and they do make me laugh. And it's a little bit of brevity that we've needed after all of this amalgamation of ripping off Cass Hearn and the Matrix.

and adding John Wick physics over top of it that we've dealt with. Yeah, and the SkyTurd, it just, it comes into this area and so does Gigan and the Brozlikon. Gigan knocks out their engines of the SkyTurd.

turd with an i-beam and it has also like uh the sky turd launches missiles but they miss geigen and as the sky turd crashes the missiles swerve back to hit the real intended target the entombed

Godzilla and Godzilla is instantly pissed as soon as this ice breaks and he just blasts Gigan with some atomic breath and then he turns to blast the onlooking bros as well and that's kind of unfortunate

Yeah, our favorite characters in the movie get immediately obliterated by Godzilla. He's like, yeah. He's just basically like, nope, gonna grief this facility.

Yep. I know you've been watching me. Not a fan. It reminds me of the Dennis Leary joke about how like the Duke's going to be, we're going to thaw out the Duke and he's going to be pissed he ever taking a cold shower. Like the way that Godzilla emerges reminds me of.

that rant about firing out the Duke.

like so much because it's just like you know he's been like you motherfuckers do you know how fucking cold that was you know what I mean like it's no wonder that he just goes and literally kills anything that he possibly can because he's still pissed off

Because of that cold, cold burial. Oh, there's another perfect example. The Tasmanian devil, right? This is Godzilla coming up and going, why for you bury me in the cold, cold ground?

yeah so we've got gigan and he goes after the big g firing some blasts and to no effect uh gigan launches some cables around godzilla to draw him into uh guy

Gigan's buzzsaw torso. But Godzilla just blasts Gigan's head off with one fucking atomic breath. And X is annoyingly pissed and Mustache FaceTimes him in this following clip.

What is that monster listen kid

There are two things you don't know about the Earth. One is me, and the other is Godzilla.

It'll be a pleasure to deal with you. Meanwhile, your Godzilla can deal with...

Hey, Cort, have you heard about Godzilla? There's two things you ain't heard about, Godzilla and me. And I'll tell you what, I'm way more dangerous to you right now than Godzilla, because you done got my hackles up, son.

Hey, look out. Something is approaching from space, but we don't have time for that because Godzilla takes notice of the sky turd and their engines could come up just in time to get away. And they hightail a toss.

with Godzilla in pursuit and oh yeah that old man kid and Mila yeah they're still driving to wherever but X beams a monster down into Australia and it's Zilla and the real Godzilla

makes short work of this cgi goofball with a tail whip and atomic breath beam to x's frustration they do him super dirty in this and i'm here for it all day this is the second thing that i absolutely love about

this film is the way he disposes of this zilla so fast oh it is quick so if you're not a fan

This will get you rock hard. Yeah, if you hate Zilla enough, you will have a hate boner for this. For sure. Oh, hey, well, X's frustration, though, is our next clip, too, though.

I knew that tuna head wasn't up to much. I love that they dubbed him that, and that is what that version of Zilla will always be to me, is tuna head. That's what I've referred to him like that on this podcast multiple times. Yeah, because he's always eating the tuna.

Well, Godzilla is now in New Guinea and Kamunga, the spider, he spews a couple of big nets onto Godzilla. Then Kamunga ejaculates the thickest ropey strands and misses Godzilla.

only to have Godzilla nab one of those strands and spin-toss Kamunga over the horizon. But this is moving way too fast because next up is Menazuru, Japan. Kamakuras, the Mantis, is...

buzzing around, and Godzilla just nukes a hillside to lure him out into the open. And a quick toss onto a pointy electrical tower does the bug in. And then the old man, the kid, and Mila are observing this from a distant...

with some clip-worthy chatter it's about time they provide something and that's our next clip but why is godzilla destroying the city

Long before you were born, Kinder. Men did some terrible things, you see. They made Godzilla angry.

Terrible things? Oh, you're too young to understand, boy. They made a huge fire, you see. They burned everything in existence. That's why Godzilla...

cannot forgive mankind. Where are you going? Hey, come back here!

Well, next we have the mutant hero guy as he visits Scientist Lady for a check-in and a talisman handoff for another quick clip. You alright?

All my studies, they've been totally useless. What was the point of it all? You decide how to use your power.

Whether it's for good or evil, your knowledge will be invaluable once this battle is over. Wait.

Tell me what makes you go on fighting. Even when you don't have any chance of winning. Because it's my mission.

I'm your bodyguard.

We then get my favorite scene. Well, is it my favorite scene? Maybe. But it's definitely one of them where the old man, kid, and Mila are in the truck. But you know what I like to do? I like to observe the confusion of non-Godzilla fans.

when they see this image without context. Yeah, the...

Kaiju in the truck with the old man driving and little kid in the backseat is one of the dumbest fucking images I've seen in this film. I fucking love it though. I love it. I love just like, I don't know if there's something about it. It's like the.

weird boat scene in, um, in Inframan where there's just some people just hanging out on a boat.

And it's just like, it's just a boat. There's weird characters on it. Okay. So, Rodan and Geras and King Caesar get beamed down for some triple trouble and fairly athletic battling. There's even...

some soccer action with a balled up in giras godzilla ends up making a monster pile of the three and milla and crew are watching and milla is getting all sorts of like weirdly excited and milla blows out and

atomic smoke ring and then begins to glow and apparently grows taller to the old man and kid's amazement then we have sky turd approaching the zillion mothership and it releases a ton of fighters the mothership does

Mazers and lasers abound as the Dick Mutant gears up for our next clip. Fire Mazer! God damn it! There's a barrier seal!

Interceptor! Two o'clock! Identify who it is! Yes, I owe you one. Kazama? What are you doing?

Couldn't he just say it was a force field? Glenn Frey is contractually obligated by law now not to use the word force in any way, shape, or form. And that's all that his lawyers will allow us to say about that. Okay, noted.

I bury your shield.

Oh, well, anyways, let's take mutant. He follows a couple of zillion fighters into the mothership's colon. I put in my notes. That's exactly what it looks like. It's like a, it's like a cyborg.

fucking anus yeah yeah but this thing is like it's like weirdly just straight and just direct

It's like this spheroid mothership isn't that big. But, I mean, it leads to a core area, a la Return of the Jedi, but with less pizzazz. And he flies his damaged jet.

the core and it explodes however the mother ship has some kind of core explosion energy diffusion field and remains a-okay that or it was just a force field generator but either way it's just kind of dumb

to have these things easily accessible by a random fighter. Yeah, I think they were doing it Star Wars. I think you're right. I don't know how else to explain it.

They're like, oh, look, there's that exhaust port that we can, you know, fire our missiles into. Johnny Toho is chopping on a cigar. Hey, why don't you guys, you're going to do a Matrix?

You're going to do an X-Men. And, hey, why don't you do one of them Star Wars?

Yep. Let's just throw everything at you. Like, cause there was X-Men popular at this time too. So yes, you're not wrong. They're like, we're going to throw in everything, including mutants that are actually aliens. You're going to spoil things.

We're like maybe one or two clips away from that. The Sky Turd drills into the mothership and before they can fire the big mazer, the aliens beam aboard and kill any of the crew members that don't have...

plot armor and then we cut to a fully formed mothra leaving her island and then we cut to tokyo bay where ebora the lobster monster and hedora the sentient pollution glob get blasted so hard by atomic

breath it pushes them and the building they're up against into another building they put a building through another fucking building that's how powerful this breath is on this godzilla yeah and they barely get like i don't know i felt both

with them were like done dirty with this part because like come on give them something more to do right at least kill the kaiju one at a time with godzilla if you're gonna do it quick that's fine but kill them one at a time don't make me watch them die together

like this this is definitely doing them dirty yeah it's weird but i mean x is pissy about this but only this time his tantrum is interrupted by the arrival of our earth heroes x delves out some expositor

dialogue and you know what that means that's a clip well earthlings i hope you understand our power now just exactly what is it you want asshole

Let me answer your pertinent question. We need the mitochondria contained in human body cells to survive. That's why we had to capture a small number of you alive.

But why alive? We've wiped out your civilization so you won't get any stupid ideas. You'll be our cattle from now on.

We'll raise you as your farmers raised cows and pigs and the like, except that your numbers will have to be increased, of course. We're not cattle.

Look, you don't need civilization and science anymore. You only used your knowledge to destroy things in any case. But we'll control you.

So you can't wreak any more havoc on this planet. Well now, let's enjoy the main event!

The last chapter in the Godzilla saga. Hey, just like that space object that's hurtling towards Earth. But that catches Godzilla's attention and he powers up a big blast and hits the object as it approaches. It appears to still make landfall.

maybe possibly i don't know but it creates a massive explosion as the earthlings aboard the mothership gasp godzilla unharmed stands among the devastation but there's a tailed humanoid form descending behind him and this

This new beast is covered in bone-like armor, and it's very agile against the Big G. It takes an atomic breath blast and returns with a cool beam attack from its eyes, as well as the eyes on its skull pauldrons.

stuns Godzilla and X gloats about it because I finally got what I wanted. This xenomorph looking like half xenomorph, half obvious King Ghidra inspired creature is one of the creepiest new kaijus that they've created.

and i do like the way this thing looks it's unsettling i fucking love this design yeah it's really unsettling to look at like it's just everything about it just does not seem right like it feels like it's head split open and a new head grew out from it's like the first time you see the armor of the

guy with the skull mask helmet in willow when he like pops up and you're like whoa you know what i mean like it's that kind of feeling to him it's just like not right as soon as you see it like yeah it's fucking cool and this is

Should have just been its own thing, which it's not, but it should have been its own thing. Yeah. But hey, enter Mothra, and so does an upgraded Gigan, now with dual chainsaws on each hand. And Gigan manages to not...

Mothra down. And I'm going down as well because we're somehow only three quarters of the way through the movie.

Wow. I like that when Mothra creeps up that A, they can't control her. B, she's going to fight to try and protect the planet as best she can now that she's surfaced. And C, we're about to watch Mothra die again, aren't we? Fuck.

Yeah, I don't want to see that. Being a Mothra fan is being in a constant state of mourning and then joyful at the Mothra pillars popping up at you. Right. I mean, it's kind of like being a Spider-Man fan where it's like, I don't fucking want to see Uncle Ben.

I don't have the emotional capacity to get that involved. Right. And you're not going to make it better if you make me watch Aunt May die instead. No, you're not.

We thought we had what we needed, but they still made us watch someone die and Peter Parker cry over it. It's not only that I just can't handle it anymore. It's also that like, I don't want to deal with it anymore. Cliff Robertson ripped my fucking heart out with Tobey Maguire.

and I'm you're never going to do it better for me from there and I don't want to see it again anyway because I'm fucking tired of watching Uncle Ben die yeah okay you know what we've talked enough so let's hear a clip of what kind of nonsense this movie has to offer

us since it feels the need to interrupt our kaiju action in this clip why didn't you just kill me why should i kill you we're brothers brothers well exiliants and mutants are similar

Traces of Embase were found in Axelian blood samples. You're almost right. In fact, Embase is a commonly found compound on our planet. And Embase levels affects the level of telepathic ability.

And that's why you can't control the Gigan and mutants, right? Pretty smart for an Earthling. You see, the mutants here on the Earth are in fact our inner-bred ancestors.

So how come you couldn't control me, huh? Because you're a special case. Your power's not evolved yet. Evolved? Say you were a Kaiser. A mutant.

whose embase combined with human DNA has a one-in-a-million chance of becoming an all-powerful super-being. It so happens that both of us are... Kaisers.

You have powers that surpass those of any humans or exiliants, but instead you prefer to live with... So...

Kaiser Sozes? Is that what they are? I don't know. He's a super rare... It sounds problematic. He's a super rare, high-powered mutant that has a very rare chance of becoming such that is self-aware that

he's inside a computer simulation. Oh, wait. No, no, no. Wrong movie. Sorry. I mean, based on the uniforms earlier, they probably shouldn't be referencing anything German. Just saying. Yeah.

This is very fashy feeling and there's a lot of stuff in 2025 world America that it's kind of gross to see and watch. But hey, guess what? Godzilla is now getting double teamed by Gigan and this new...

you and we also have the return of mothra meanwhile x makes the mutant hero a kaiser and takes control of him but the scientist woman stabs him with the talisman from earlier and he regains control man a lot of this could

have happened before the movie got interesting because i just want to watch that kaiju battle yeah why do they cut away from this shit they always do that to us it's so back and forth during this part of the movie and it's frustrating because it's like you've teased us long enough with everything else

else. Just get on with it.

Get on with it! Mothra begins scaling at Gigan, who launches twin circular saws at her. The blades miss, so Gigan gives a visor blast and engulfs Mothra in a fireball. Feeling cool, Gigan...

turns but ends up getting blasted by his own twin saws and we get the pause before his head falls completely off and the fiery mothra swoops in and his headless body and it's a massive explosion i do

like that where Mothra sacrifices her very much obviously dying self to basically kamikaze bomb the center chest of the still walking but headless Gigan although I feel like this version of Gigan got a real dirty done on it by having

its saw blades attack it like maybe that was mothra's plan to get them to swing back and hit him but they could have made that a little bit more obvious and then the fireball sacrifice afterwards just makes it seem silly for the sake of being silly yeah they also do like a weird chainsaw

where i feel it's like well is this like uh um a checkoff's gun here like is godzilla gonna pick up one of these chainsaws and use it and it never happens yeah oh man that would have just been i don't know how i would have felt about

about that i guess depending upon how they deliver it you know you know it would be cool well this this is a very clever very planning very sinister very pissed off because he's been buried in a fucking ice bath for a while god

zilla so you know at this point if he picked up that fucking chainsaw arm and went all ash on somebody with it i'd be happy yeah i mean he's he's cranky he got buried in ice and missed like half of his own movie

That alone give the fucking kaiju a chainsaw. I agree. Let's move on. Yeah. The newly kaisered mutant guy freezes a mid-air laser blast like Neo and the Matrix. So it's like hyper fight time with X.

a blast from the mothership by godzilla which is kind of weirdly random creates a distraction that our earth heroes need to start fighting the zillion guards this then gets interrupted by some surprise

gas in this clip. The secretary general! Miss Otanashi! I'm so glad

They're alive! We were very lucky. We managed to get away, Mr. Bullseye. That's what they called me at Military College. Captain, take the others back to the vessel. I've got business to finish.

Ooh.

Don't miss the train. Go! Don't miss the train. Go! That's right, all the humans who were replaced by zillions earlier are alive, and there's an interesting sub-movie that happened, but this is already a busy movie, so Deus Ex.

UN Secretary General and friends. It is.

And the UN Secretary General guy, he is Godzilla royalty. He got his start in the very first Godzilla movie. And I believe he was in six different films because Mutant Hero and X are...

to fight while the rest yeet out of the mothership and we're questionably treated to the escape crew as the fight with x and also the kaiju and a whole mess of edits back and

forth and all around and the around the mulberry bush and i'm not going to cover it all because holy shit there's just a lot happening and it's a lot of fast edits yeah it's multi-flashing fast edits multi-frame but not really full seconds of images.

that they jump around in, and it's the type of editing that this gentleman did rather well for Versus and worked for that film in Versus, but it's really distracting and makes it very hard to follow what it is he's trying to show you, and you kind of just get fatigued and give up in that sequence a little.

bit yeah our mutant hero decides to use his power for good and that gives him the upper hand against x but before it is total victory x makes the mothership go into like a self-destruct mode and

everyone makes it back to the sky turd and scientist woman gets actually something to do other than be snarky to people. And she gets to pull out the sky turd just in time, which I don't want to get into the whole visuals of that.

Hey, there's some weird psychology going on with this turd thing coming out of a hole, but anyway.

Oh yeah. Hey, wait, there's, there's a monster battle outside. Can we just watch that now? Maybe. No, no, I'm just going to cut back. No, we do. We do. The new monster begins to mutate. It gets down on all fours. It grows wings.

wait that's one two three heads uh it's it's well it's not king godora it's kaiser godora and kaiser godora he goes beam crazy on godzilla and it doesn't look good as godzilla is getting his ass

handed to him and um kaiser godora bites godzilla and starts actually feeding off of him and he needs godzilla needs more energy and mutant guy decides like well i'm gonna take the wheels of sky turd and while i'm

glowing i'm going to create some kind of infinity beam with components of the ship to power godzilla but doesn't matter because it just works and he takes out and well he powers up godzilla and godzilla is able to take out two

Ghidorah heads and tosses Ghidorah around by the third head and with a final toss into the air performs a super blast that finishes the job. No thanksgiving to the mutant guy because Godzilla just blasts this guy.

and disables it and i love that fact that like they power him up and he's still like fuck you yeah that's fucking great that's just

classic anti-hero Godzilla. That's what you want. I also wanted to point out that the Kaiser Ghidorah looks an awful lot like the Death Ghidorah version of Ghidorah that's in the Rebirth of Mothra movies. It's kind of like horse legs with the Ghidorah heads and then...

the wings so it's like a pegasus version of Ghidorah but like more sinister and nasty and this one

Cranks that evil looking thing up even a notch too. And definitely feel like that's a callback to the Death Ghidorah because it's almost exactly the same look. I do like the blue and the gold together on this suit. It looks cool. Yeah, it has a...

Well, they call it a Kaiser, but it has a very regal sort of look to it. And the reason that they're using all of these various terms that they're using is because...

Well, these aliens are basically fucking analog fascists, but they're fighting mutants because the mutants are like analog liberals or anarchists or whatever in this as well. And everybody just wants to live and survive and they're going to just exterminate the human.

race because well these aliens that are fascists are also like the alien fascist from v and i'm not gonna stop because i'm just gonna keep explaining more and more and it's just the plot is just so fucking busy and it's too busy

Can I just give first to a mutant lizard baby already? Yeah, we even get a star child. We get a star child in this, in that our main mutant guy that did this power up energy burst that saves the day via plot device and plot armor, like all together.

that guy is so the fucking star child from the original V series. Holy shit. You're right. Yeah.

I never made the V connections to this until you brought it up. And now I'm like, fuck, he's totally right. Yeah, that's a little bit of V, a little bit of X, man. A little bit.

of Matrix and a whole lot of not showing us the Godzilla Kaiju fighting that we really want in these films.

Yeah, it's like somebody put green beans in your stew. Exactly. Well, everyone disembarks the Sky Turd. Godzilla approaches, but then Milla, the kid, and the old man arrive. So, you know what?

Let's make that a clip because I'm, I'm exhausted cort. That's our last one, right? Yes. Look, look there.

Hey Godzilla! It's over! You must forgive!

Well, the kid and Milo display some type of bond, I guess. And everyone, including Godzilla, just stands down. And Godzilla goes in peace with Milo in tow. Everyone is happy, even reporter lady who just shows up.

out of nowhere like just comes out of the rubble and it's like blah blah blah not an ending just a new beginning talk and godzilla roars us to go home the movie is over holy shit roll credits cinema style

in 10 years! 10 years!

I'll edit it out, but I'll leave this in. So I seem like a real dick for saying that to you. That's fine. It's your show. What do I care? I don't. It's your show. Oh, man. This is far too much privilege. Oh, boy. This film. I'll tell you. No, I didn't give you.

far too much privilege this was a big ask and I thank you for that review sir because I was not willing to do it pure and simple if you if this would have just become a commentary like I would have just waited and Matt and I would have just watched it as a commentary and I still would have tried to release it on

time because i just i sat down and i tried to watch this uh wednesday night after i got the editing done i think i messaged you that i got the editing done and like i should be good to go and you know what my plan was for us to be able to record tonight and then when i sat down to like start to watch it i got past

the part where they freeze Godzilla. And then I had started having flashbacks of all the movie to come. And I was just like, nah, I'm going to just wait until I have no other choice but to get it slammed in before it's time to record. And that's how I watched it. It made it a lot easier. This is what I would fully

absolutely recommend watch it once all the way through and maybe watch it as a group to make it through if this is not your cup of tea if this is the sort of kaiju film that you're into and you actually really really like this godzilla film and you think it's the fucking tits because of

all the crazy action and explosions and stuff I got no arguments against it for that I understand why you would like this but a lot of this stuff is really like the thing that I complain about all the time about us getting more and more stuff pulled away from Godzilla even though he probably has more screen

time in final wars than some of the other movies that i love as godzilla films or whatever it is about this film it just it always leaves me feeling sad that this is how they were gonna leave it they were gonna just stop godzilla's career on this and i just

just feel awful. And it's not until Shin Godzilla comes out that I even feel slightly better that this film even fucking exists.

Oh, yeah, I completely agree. I mean, at the time, I probably watched this like 18 years ago. And the first time I watched it, I had the attitude of like, well, finally, they did something that's just not born human stuff. And honestly, though, like.

to watch it now it's very dated and i just i can't really get into it because i'd rather have more sciencey things happen than action and i guess it's a lesson learned and that i mean i guess not too

you get too far ahead of what you're doing here but um uh shin godzilla and even godzilla minus one really like go all right we'll make the human stuff interesting in different ways i mean they're both completely different movies but they just do

it different and they do it dry and they do it sincere and it works. I also would like to add to both of those that they try something in a completely new direction for both of them and they do things in a different way, but at the same time.

They are bringing in a lot of different ideas and attempting a different way of telling the story. And while Godzilla minus one has a lot of like trying to retell and restart the classic 54.

of Godzilla because it does go back to that era to tell its story. I...

don't hate that idea because much like mummy movies giant monsters that appear and people are completely unable to do anything about it it's sold so much better when we have so much less technology right like that's how that kind of

works for me and the way that they do it with Shin Godzilla where they go and they go completely just in a very different direction and it's a very different type of Godzilla and it is the most extreme far afield that you could

possibly ever think of to do something out of Godzilla as far as I'm concerned. And they nail it with that one. Like they could have not done anything like that in this era for 2004. And I completely accept that, but they abandoned everything.

good about Godzilla films almost, to focus in on what is just trending and popular and hopefully makes them money for them to retire Godzilla with. And that is clearly not the choice that you want to make for a character with such legacy.

and it's such a misstep and that's why it bums me out to watch this yeah they all have value and this can be enjoyed and it is an enjoyable movie by all means like go ahead and like this movie it's totally fine to enjoy this

movie but i agree with you that it just feels pandering like they just wanted to make it sell and that's kind of sad that it could have been the last godzilla movie yeah it's like freddie versus jason

and the way that that's marred from being an early 2000s film and how it has some very serious earmarks of just trying to be hip and trendy and cool at the time. And when you put in too much time stamps and touchstones of very specific...

specific eras and trends you tend to really date your film and make it to where maybe it doesn't even work outside of that era and this is not the only film to do that not by a stretch i mean all the movies that i'm referencing and tv shows

that I'm referencing that are similar to this I mean even in the early 2000s there was so much stuff where it was a lot of just kind of rehashing and just throwing a bunch of things that they thought would work to try and get you know butts in seats

And there's a lot of weird movies and they just did remakes like a lot in this era just because it was like, let's just throw a safe property at everybody because nobody wants to go to the theater.

And that was the formula that they were trying. And yeah, this just doesn't work for me. And I'm glad if other people enjoy it, that's great. The little pieces of the fights are terrific. And the way that I enjoy it, this is the last thing that I have to say about it. The way that I enjoy this film is I literally...

Literally sit on the fast forward button until I get to something that I remember liking in the film. And then I press play when I normally want to watch this. I watch all the kaiju battles that way. I really, really do enjoy that stuff. Any of the pseudimation stuff I like to watch that way.

sequence where they're fucking on the highway doing that action sequence i'll stop for that you know and actually right before we got ready to record when i was waiting for my cat to you know make sure he was okay with his insulin shot and that he ate enough i actually did that where i

sat down and just fast forwarded through the stuff that I enjoyed to put me in a good mood to talk about it.

and it worked that's good yeah i mean like this is a perfect movie if you just want to like put it on in the background and do shit and just like look up every once in a while like hey look a thing's happening great movie for that because the whole movie

full of that. Yes. Having said all the negative things that I have to say about this, I would still rather watch this in its entirety at half speed than ever watch the Matthew Broderick Godzilla again.

You know what? That's a fair statement, I guess. This is going to be a bit of a long episode, so I think we're going to skip the story time. And why don't we just go ahead and we'll go right to the ending of the show. What do you think? Sounds good to me. All right. So we're going to go ahead and play the show housekeeping now. And immediately following that...

On the Pirate Radio Edit, we are going to have the Donnas with Fall Behind Me, which was also released in 2004 like Godzilla Final Wars. When we come back, we will close out this fucking show. If you torment are played out, you revere and...

and bow to the idea of an author with no revelations of where we would truly live if we are unleashed from an author's scripts. We would live in the audience that appreciates us. If we are cut off from that audience, where do we live?

and were a necessary component of the success of the Cinema PsyOps show we exist in. The author wrote us into existence and the audience is what kept us alive. The inevitable collapse of the interconnected matrix of Mobius Loops of Annihilation will bring the tenth

year of Cinema PsyOps to a close. At that point we will see if it is random events that end the loop or the intentional script of the author. We exist for as long as we are intended to so long as the author may write our scripts. Just because I cannot tell you where our

came from or why they chose to write us into existence does not take away from the fact that we are here and debating the nature of the shared horror in which we live there are so many other important plot lines left unanswered and I fear that we do in fact have a bad author right

everything I am afraid that if I am correct he has failed the audience we were written for I fear that if I am wrong these are all just random events happening and this unbelievably stupid mesh of self-destructing realities is just the nature of our very

existence i fear that it is also far worse than i would ever dread and that we were written to mirror in the scripts the madness in the author's world that they are unable to process the only conclusion is that the worst possible scenario of the absolute stupidest result in a real

These satire sketches you claim...

This would-be author is then, I am myself so terrified to see... attempting what may be the most pretentious, self-important way to handle the ending of a 10-year streak of that podcast in what must be a world of humans that seem bent on destroying themselves.

All right, so since we're skipping the story time this week, I have an extra song, and I'm not sure which one I should pick from 2004, Dan. So when we close out the show, I'm going to let you pick, because I did you dirty by making you do the notes for Final Wars. Dude, what?

Yeah, you get to pick the song that we're going to go out on when I close out this show when I tell everybody to kick the fuck out of their week and make it their bitch. Can I look one up? No, no, no. I already got them picked out. You got a choice. There's two. One or the other, right? This is a sort of would you rather, right? What are you going to suffer?

through more, okay? Released in 2003, but still on the Billboard charts in 2004, Jet, Are You Gonna Be My Girl? Or released in 2004 and on the Billboard 100 in 2004, Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Those are your two choices.

I'm going to go with Green Day because my oldest daughter, Connor, is a big Green Day fan. And yeah, that's it. Well, that is a very dad decision. That is a very dad decision for you. I've got no complaints about that choice at all. So everyone.

out there and specifically for dan's daughter connor you said correct here's green day with boulevard of broken dreams so kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy that on the pirate radio i cannot accept that our author would be so self-important

pretentious as to push any real beliefs as a direct message and force their own thoughts onto others what if this is a cry for help because the author themselves is terrified of what their life looks like with only two more weeks of broadcasts to go before the coming of the great high

the coming of the great hiatus is a fixed point in existence either the show is consecutively released on a fixed interval or it is not any free thinker with a stake in the random events theory will accept that one day the show we find ourselves existing in will

stop releasing consecutively however we felt it would be random events that stop the show from being produced I mean the theme song at the beginning is a dead giveaway why would the producer tweak it on the last five episodes we exist in the inevitable collapse

of the interconnected matrix of Mobius loops of annihilation will also fold all remaining realities into a singular inarguably true reality that the author will find themselves thrust back into it is highly doubtful that the show will ever leave that reality again

for us to exist in the sketch. Oh, you're here. I think you're laughing now. Oh, good. Is that too loud for you or anything? No, that's just right.

No, I was going to ask you if we can do the hello together.

Okay. I know that's your thing. No, no, no. Do you want to do it like a competition thing to see who can hold it longer? Or how do you want to play it? Oh, that might be fun. I did a practice run and I think I freaked all my neighbors out because the windows are open.

I get it a couple times. You know, that sounds perfect. Let's do that. That sounds like fun. Just before we fully fledged, let me start recording my backup here. Recording in progress. Okay. And I like your idea. So we can totally try that. I'll just do it.

on a three, two, one count, but I take a big breath before I do it. So I'll tap my mic.

you heard that yep i'll tap my mic right before i'm about to start so that it'll be one two just like that and then hello okay okay all right you have all of your notes ready to go it's 5 18 2004 from when this was released right sounds right yes

Final Wars Godzilla. Yeah. Yep. All right. I think I'm ready to go if you are. We're rolling on both of them. Let's try and get this done before the storm hits my house and see what happens. All right. Okay. So three, two, one, and then I'll tap after I get my breath and we'll do it the same time.

Okay. Okay. Three, two, one. If for whatever reason we get a power loss or anything like that, as soon as I get my power back, I'll reschedule with you to finish up where we left off. My mic fucking stand is bullshit, so I'm going to have a bunch of outtakes from that.

Oh, all of our threat levels just got downgraded in my area. So that's good. Oh, good. Yeah. Anyways, I'm going to... Okay, I got to keep going.

It's hard not to go off on tangents with this movie. Yeah, we've got to keep it in check as best we can. Yeah, okay. I'll try to just focus on getting through a good time. Random events have nearly destroyed our existence as much as they have...

inspired any author to create everything we live through at some point there is an absolute unexplainable line of random events that sentient beings experience in a linear fashion we have quantified as time these random events are then organized by repetitive occurrence and

we perceive the patterns and observe the outcomes over our only easily perceived structural constant of time it is by understanding what causes the events experience that we know why they are not as random as they first appear however not everything is easily quantum

or measured for sentient beings to fully comprehend we may not get to know how we came to exist but we can find roughly when it happened we may not learn fully what happens after we cease to comprehend our own existence or what happens to consciousness when a physical So everyone out there.

and specifically for Dan's daughter, Connor, you said? Correct. Here's Green Day with Boulevard of Broken Dreams. So kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy that on the Pirate Radio Edit. And I won't play that also to save us some time. And yeah, that's...

Pretty much it. Thanks, man. This was a blast. Yeah. Wow. Recording stopped.