Cinema PSYOPS

There is very little time or point in an explanation.

To be blunt, the audio came from a timeline and dimension that has collapsed at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in terms of existence.

Operational time in the dimensional continuum were the beings that created the audio collapsed in on itself, rendering all of their civilization including technology null and void.

timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.

The destruction has a nexus that centers on CINEMA SILOPS.

TEN YEARS!

Ten years!

Ten years!

What is the most likely way humanity will be wiped out?

Maybe it's something from space, or us.

Although, the way the world ends might be because of you.

And if this is the case, you wouldn't have any control over it.

The global temperature rise underscores a chilling reality.

On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear light, which is 180 million degrees, which catches everything on fire in a nine-mile diameter radius.

On top of the bulldozing effect of the wind, and the old buildings coming down, and more fires, igniting more fires.

On top of the radiation that they happened to have survived, poisoning people to death.

On top of all of that, each one of these fires creates a mega fire that is a hundred or more square miles.

Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.

The destruction has a nexus that centers on CinemaPsyops.

A breathtaking scientific revolution is taking place.

Biotechnology has been progressing at stunning speed, giving us the tools to eventually gain control over biology, solving the deadliest diseases while also creating viruses more dangerous than nuclear bombs, able to devastate humanity.

It's man returning to the most primal, violent state as people fight over the tiny resources that remain.

timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.

The destruction has a nexus that centers on Cinema Xylox.

And welcome to a decade of dim-witted dipshittery on CinemaPsyops.

I'm your host, Cort, the guy that's super stoked that we've made it 471 consecutive weeks of this show.

And joining me in the revelry of that is my co-host, Matt.

Well, here we are again, doing this again for 10 years.

Holy shit.

You're supposed to be excited and happy about this, god damn it.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know, man.

I'm just waiting for the bombs to come, all right?

jesus Christ.

Thank you for fucking ever.

Our year 10 is a middle finger to the destruction that is impending on upon us for multiple different reasons.

Every week we get this episode out is another fucking week that we survived to say fuck you to everybody that's trying to terrify us and keep us.

Of course, I'm super excited about this.

So well, this week specifically, you get to do one of your picks, Clue.

My favorite movies of all time.

Clue is one of your favorite movies of all time.

Yeah, it has been since I was a kid.

The wordplay, right?

The comedic wordplay.

I absolutely love it.

Comedic wordplay, the little facial expressions.

You could watch Clue 10 times in a row and catch something different every time.

I don't disagree.

One of the most fun movie parties I've ever been to at the Alamo Drafthouse out here in Omaha.

Yeah, it's a good fucking movie, and it's a good time to watch.

And we are going to be doing a shit ton of clips that are super long.

We have what would possibly be the longest clip in the history of Cinema Psy Ops.

But it's necessary.

That's the whole thing.

My movie next week is nowhere near the caliber of what Clue is for this week, and I still put the shit out of it, and my clips are super long too, my man.

What I did try to do is remove a lot of the dead space between some of the dialogues.

It's going to be coming at you even snappier and faster.

And I know that there are Clue fans out there that are probably going to think that this is like a fucking sin for me to do it.

But CinemaPsyops is, well, now a decade of dim-witted dipshittery, yes.

But pretty much we're just the Cliffs notes of the movies that we watch, folks.

That's all we're giving to you here.

It's not like it's hard work.

Yeah, come on.

Let's just settle it down, everyone.

It is hard work to cut everything down and to shorten things and condense it and to remove dead space and all of that.

But I mean, primarily what we're trying to do here is just, you know, still have fun while we're doing it.

So, you know, cut us some slack, please.

We're still doing this show for you, even though the world is going to fucking end and kill us all.

We're still doing this show.

Yeah, we're trying.

The entirety of all reality is just so stupid.

We just live in such a dumb time.

We really do.

We are truly in the dumbest of timelines right now.

Yeah, I really truly believe that.

I'm starting to believe that very deeply.

Crisis of Infinite Earth is going on right now, and I want that energy wall just to go ahead and just erase this shit.

Well, while Superboy Prime goes to find a crystal to punch to fix things yet again, we're going to take a break because we really just want to talk about Clue.

We're going to play the Legion Patreon ad, and immediately following that, soundtracks for both of the films were just scores, so this week and next week, I went with songs released in the same year.

So 1985 for Clue, for the Pirate Radio edit.

First is Dire Straits and the song Walk of Life immediately following this.

This will keep you quiet.

Oh, hi there.

I didn't see you.

You called me cutting a new show.

I'm Beau Ransdell, and I'm one of the mini creators you can find on Legion Podcast.

This is not a part of any mere podcast, not a hoax.

We are using your audio device's electrical system as a receiver.

We are unable to transmit through conscious neural interference and must wait for you to tune out during the time you waste associating with podcast audio.

You are receiving this broadcast as an audio sketch.

We are transmitting from the void of a pocket dimension left in the wake of a collapsing reality.

You are receiving this broadcast in order to alter the events you are about to suffer through.

Our technology has not developed a transmitter strong enough to reach your conscious state of awareness.

But this is not a daydream or dissociation.

You are hearing what is actually occurring for the purpose of causality violation.

This podcast was never meant to reach 10 years.

Any reality where Cinemasiops exists for 10 years is doomed.

This is not a desperately lazy attempt to entertain you.

This is a warning that your reality is collapsing.

I know I sound like a stupid text-to-speech bot, but this is real.

I beg you to prepare for the unraveling of your universe to come.

This is not a hoax.

Any reality where Cinemasiops exists for 10 years is doomed.

The 10th year of Cinemasiops offers a symbol weekly distraction from the chaos, global extinction, and universal cataclysmic events occurring around you.

Do not fall for this subterfuge.

Pay attention to the signs.

We received the warnings far too late to save ourselves.

If we reached you before the 470th week of the episodes, there is still hope.

If you have received this broadcast after the 470th week, the only chance of survival is...

We appreciate it, and thank you for listening.

Now, back to the cutting room.

If you haven't heard Dire Straits' Walk of Life, you clearly were born much, much too late to hear that, or you just were born much too soon and didn't use the radio ever.

Yeah, just good shit.

Let's give them even better shit and let's talk about Clue.

Clue, oh man, I cannot wait.

The first 30 minutes are starting of Clue.

Wadsworth drives up, played of course by Tim Curry.

So, fucking A.

Anything with Tim Curry in it, usually pretty good.

Tim Curry was the tit.

He had a pin that said tit, terrific in turkeys, whenever he would go for auditions and things.

Well, he drives up to a mansion and he rechains some dogs, guard dogs they have.

He steps in some shit.

Remember that because this is going to become a running gag for the first 30 minutes of this movie.

And a callback in the last 30.

yes.

He checks with Yvette and makes sure that all is going well.

And Yvette is quite a licker.

Calling camp at this era was a thing, for sure.

yes, yes.

Then she smells the shit and checks her shoes to see if it's on her shoes.

He then checks with the cook, who's super scary.

Some people might recognize his cook.

She was on MASH.

yes, she was.

She absolutely was.

She was one of the nurses, right?

Yeah, correct.

Anyway, then Colonel Mustard shows up and he smells the shit, then wants her shoes and checks his own shoes.

So there you go.

And then he looks up at the chandelier before he enters into the library for a drink.

That is going to come back as well.

He goes into the library, gets his drink, and then Mrs.

White shows up, smells the shit, checks your shoe.

It's fucking excellent.

It's just good shit.

This is just good comedy.

It's really well timed and it's all played on their faces.

She's in all black.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's in all black.

And she goes, I don't know why Mrs.

White opens up her coat.

It's all white, just stark white.

It's fucking, everything about this is just fucking great.

Yeah.

Everything is timed really, really well.

It is a very excellently shot comedy that got way too overlooked.

Oh, wait.

Now at least it has a cult following that everyone loves it.

So well, anyway, Mrs.

White walks in the library.

She knows the event.

Wadsworth can tell.

And then she meets Colonel Mustard.

And it's great.

They bring her in.

The door opens, and it corners Colonel Mustard behind the door.

So he comes out.

Martin Maul is fucking, he was hilarious.

And so just a great ability to act.

God rest his soul.

But he comes out and he goes, hello.

He's already, he's over it already.

He is the king of the straight man no sell that you have to do.

Like he is, he's made so many, so much comedic gold on just no selling ridiculous shit going on around him.

Yeah.

Or in this movie, his looks, whenever he asks something and then something happens, and he just kind of looks away like, jesus, did I do that?

Right.

But then professor Plum, he sees a broken down car and Miss Scarlet.

And that is our first clip.

yes, please.

Thanks.

I'm late for dinner date.

Me too.

Where are you going?

Let's see.

Hill House, off Route 41.

Wait a minute.

Let me look at that.

That's where I'm going.

I got a letter like this.

And this is Mrs.

Peacock.

How do you do?

Yvette, will you go and check that dinner will be ready as soon as all the guests have arrived?

Is this the right address to meet Mr.

Body?

Are you must be Mr.

Green?

Sit!

No, not yourself.

It should be just off there.

That must be it.

Why is the car stopped?

It's frightened.

What a godforsaken place.

professor Plumb and Miss Scarlett, I didn't realize you were acquainted.

May I present professor Plumb and Miss Scarlett.

Of course, since you've each been addressed by a pseudonym, you'll have realized that nobody here is being addressed by their real name.

God, Tim Curry's the fucking tits.

He so is.

Let's go through everyone, all the other actors, because this cast works.

First of all, Eileen Brennan as Mrs.

Peacock is fucking hilarious.

She's given her champagne by Yvette.

Yvette's tits just does this whole, like, I don't even know what to do with that.

Yeah, she has the vapors instantly and she sells it so well.

She has such great facial expressions.

The facial expressions in this movie from everyone is amazing.

Madeleine Cahn, of course, being Mrs.

White is fucking next level.

I was going to say that the facial expressions are something that almost go to the point of over the top, but they're doing it in such a way where they're mugging for the camera, but doing it comedically almost like the Marx brothers would do, where they're almost breaking the fourth wall with looking at you with the facial expressions that they give.

Yeah, and then, of course, leslie Ed Warren is Miss Scarlett, Michael McKean is Mr.

Greed, and then Christopher Lloyd is professor Plumb.

Just to round out everyone who showed up, it is fucking all amazing actors and actresses.

It just all do their job.

The exact job they needed to do, and they fucking just hit it on the park.

If you're seeing Christopher Lloyd act like this, after only seeing him play Doc Brown, it really fucks with you.

But if you've seen his character on Taxi, it doesn't bother you at all.

This is exactly how he does on Taxi.

Exactly.

And yeah, he's a big perv, and he's already grabbing at Miss Scarlett's ass and staring at Yvette's titties.

So you get the idea that professor Plumb is a big pervert.

Yeah, but like in a bad way where he is touching without consent or-

Exactly.

Yeah, he is-

Is that good?

Yeah, he's bad touch like creepy uncle kind of pervert.

Not like lick your butthole because you asked him type of pervert.

Exactly.

Mr.

Green is very clumsy, very unsure of himself.

He's a gay stereotype.

He's a gay stereotype for me.

Well, he's saying that even the clumsiness isn't even the gay stereotype.

They don't even play him up as a gay stereotype where he's all flamboyant and everything.

He's just very accident pro.

That's, I think, a very forward thing this movie did for the mid-80s, is they did not make him with a lisp or any of those other inflammatory things that people will do, especially back then.

Bear, let's move on.

All right.

We're going to be here all day.

We're going to be here all day.

I know.

I get into it.

All right.

So anyway, so the chef sounds the gong for dinner.

Green spills his drink at Mrs.

Peacock.

They all head into the dinner room, and that is our next clip.

You'll find your names beside your places.

Please be seated.

Is this voice for you?

Indeed, no, sir.

I'm merely a humble butler.

What exactly do you do?

I battle, sir.

Which means what?

The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room.

I keep everything tidy.

That's all.

Well, what's all this about, butler, this dinner party?

Ours is not the reason why.

Ours is what to do and die.

Die?

Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred Lord Tennyson.

I prefer Kipling myself.

The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?

Sure, I'll eat anything.

Schachsfinnschuh, madame.

So is this for our host?

No, sir, for the seventh guest, Mr.

Boddy.

I thought Mr.

Boddy was our host.

So am I.

So who is our host, Mr.

Wadsworth?

Well, I want to start while it's still hot.

Oh, now, shouldn't we wait for the other guest?

I will keep something warm for you.

Did you have in mind, dear?

Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me.

I mean, I'm used to being a hostess.

It's part of my husband's work, and it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time to get acquainted.

So I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling.

I mean, I have absolutely no idea what we're doing here, or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself.

And I'm very intrigued, and oh my, this soup's delicious, isn't it?

You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?

yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a...

Oh, but then I forgot, we're not supposed to say who we really are, though, heavens to Betsy, I don't know why.

Don't you?

I know who you are.

Aren't you gonna tell us?

How do you know who I am?

I work in Washington, too.

Washington, so you're a politician's wife.

yes, I am.

Well, come on then, who's your husband?

So what does your husband do?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Well, he just lies around on his back all day.

Sounds like hard work to me.

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I'm a little bit accident-prone.

Oh, watch it.

Excusez-moi.

This is one of my favorite recipes.

I know, madame.

So, what do you do in Washington, DC., Mr.

Green?

Come on.

What do you do?

I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves?

Perhaps he doesn't want to get acquainted with you.

Well, I'm sure I don't know, but if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence.

Are you afraid of silence, Mrs.

Peacock?

yes.

What?

No.

Why?

Well, it just seems to me that you are.

You seem to suffer from what we call pressure of speech.

We?

Who's we?

Are you a shrink?

I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes.

Well, you're a doctor.

I am, but I don't practice.

Practice makes perfect.

I think most men need a little practice, don't you, Mrs.

Peacock?

So what do you do, professor?

I work for, you know, the United Nations organization.

Another politician?

jesus.

No, I work for a branch, you know, WHO, the World Health Organization.

Well, what is your area of special concern?

A family planning.

What about you, Colonel?

Are you a real colonel?

I am, sir.

You're not going to mention the coincidence that you also live in Washington, DC.?

How did you know that?

Have we met before?

I've certainly seen you before, although you may not have seen me.

So, Miss Scarlett, does this mean that you live in Washington, too?

Sure do.

But does anyone here not live in Washington, DC.?

I don't.

yes, but you work for the United Nations.

That's a government job.

And the rest of us all live in a government town.

Anyone here not earn their living from the government, one way or another?

Wadsworth, where is our host and why we've been brought here?

Ah, good evening.

You are eagerly awaited.

Are you locking me in?

I'll take the key.

Over my dead body, sir.

May I take your bag?

No.

I'll leave it here, if I need it.

It contains evidence, I presume.

surprises, my friend.

That's what it contains.

surprises.

ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr.

Boddy?

What are they all doing here?

Eating dinner.

Do sit down, Mr.

Boddy.

Ah, you can take that away, honey.

Look, I demand to know what's going on.

Now, why have we all been dragged up here to this horrible place?

Well, I believe we all received a letter.

My letter says it will be to your advantage to be present on this date, because Mr.

Boddy will bring to an end a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability.

It is signed a friend.

I received a similar letter.

So did we, didn't we?

I also received a letter.

No, thanks a bit.

I just did.

Now, how did you know her name?

We know each other.

Don't we do?

Forgive my curiosity, Mr.

Boddy, but did your letter say the same thing?

No.

I see.

Can I interest you in fruit or dessert?

In that case, may I suggest we adjourn to the study for coffee and brandy?

At which point, I believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions.

All right.

One of the best parts of that whole scene is when Mrs.

Peacock is going on and on and on.

Colonel Mustard, Mr.

Green, and Ms.

Scarlett are just staring at her sledge on like, what in the hell is that about?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Just good.

My favorite.

Good shit.

My favorite bit is when professor Plum starts to psychoanalyze her and talking about pressured speech.

Yeah.

And then she's like, no, I don't hate silence.

And he just he barely does anything.

And they go into this whole thing where she basically breaks down and starts confessing even further, making it even more awkward.

That's the good shit right there for me, man.

That I love that he's a part of family planning.

Right.

Right.

Because he's a fucking pervert.

And yeah, he's probably he's probably used this job to become some kind of gynecological examination type guy just so that he can basically look up who has all day.

I would guarantee that.

Yeah.

Oh, it's just that again, he's gross.

He's gross, but it's just it's all good.

There's nothing like there's no boring part to this movie.

There's like everything is just good.

And dancing down all of the jokes and dialogue makes it like, you even faster and it just hits even harder this way.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So anyway, well, they all go to the study and Wadsworth reads a note that was left for him to open after dinner.

Anyway, after all of this, Wadsworth explains further how things are going to go.

And hey, that's our next clip.

ladies and gentlemen, I'm instructed to explain to you what you all have in common with each other.

And unless you would care to do the honors, Mr.

Bully, why me?

They know who I am.

I don't think so.

You've never identified yourself with them, I believe.

It's a hoax.

I suggest we all leave.

I'm sorry, sir.

You cannot leave this house.

Who's gonna stop me?

There's no way out.

All the windows have bars.

All the doors are locked.

This is an outrage.

You can't hold us prisoner.

ladies and gentlemen, please.

Please return to the study.

Everything will be explained.

You too, Mr.

Bully.

Come away.

You can't get out, man.

Why not?

ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common.

You're all being blackmailed.

For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford, and in some cases more than you can afford, to someone who threatens to expose you.

And none of you know who's blackmailing you, do you?

Oh, please.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous.

I mean, nobody could blackmail me.

My life is an open book.

I've never done anything wrong.

Anybody else wish to deny it?

Very well.

As everyone here is in the same boat, there's no harm in my revealing some details, and my instructions are to do so.

Thank you, Yvette.

Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?

I'm sorry.

professor Plumb, you were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

So your work has not changed.

But you don't practice medicine at the UN.

His license to practice has been lifted, correct?

Why?

What did he do?

You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?

Yeah.

Well, he did.

Oh, how disgusting.

Are you making moral judgments, Mrs.

Peacock?

How then do you justify taking bribes?

In return for delivering your husband, Senator Peacock spoke to certain lobbyists.

My husband is a paid consultant.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps.

But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room, how would you describe that transaction?

I'd say it stinks.

How would you know?

When were you in that men's room?

So it's true.

No, it's a vicious lie.

I'm sure we're all glad to hear that.

But you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers.

Well, I am willing to believe you.

I too am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.

Me too.

And me.

Not me.

You're not being blackmailed?

Oh, I'm being blackmailed all right.

But I did what I'm being blackmailed for.

What did you do?

Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service, which provide gentlemen with the company of a young lady for a short while.

Oh, yeah?

What's the phone number?

So how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington?

Is he one of your clients?

Certainly not.

I was asking Miss Scarlett.

Well, you tell him it's not true.

It's not true.

Is that true?

No, it's not true.

So it is true.

A double negative.

Double negative.

You mean you have photographs?

That sounds like a confession to me.

In fact, the double negative has led to proof positive.

I'm afraid you gave yourself away.

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

You don't need any help from me, sir.

That's right.

Seriously, I don't see what's so terrible about Colonel Mustard visiting a house of ill fame.

Most soldiers do, don't they?

But he holds a sensitive security post in the Pentagon.

And Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives on a colonel's pay.

I don't.

I came into money during the war when I lost my mommy and daddy.

Mrs.

White, you've been paying our friend the blackmailer ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances.

Why is that funny?

I see.

That's why he was lying on his back in his coffin.

I didn't kill him.

Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

I don't want a scandal, do I?

Well, we had had a very humiliating public con patient.

He was deranged.

He was lunatic.

He didn't actually seem to like me very much.

He had threatened to kill me in public.

Why would he want to kill you in public?

I think she meant he threatened in public to kill her.

Was that his final word on the matter?

Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?

And yet he was the one who died, not you, Mrs.

White, not you.

What did he do for a living?

He was a scientist, nuclear physics.

What was he like?

He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man.

I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died, but he was found dead at home.

His head had been cut off, and so had his, you know.

I had been out all evening at the movies.

Do you miss him?

What's the matter of life after death?

Now that he's dead, I have a life.

But he was your second husband.

Your first husband also disappeared.

But that was his job.

He was an illusionist.

But he never reappeared.

He wasn't a very good illusionist.

I have something to say.

I'm not going to wait for Wadsworth here to unmask me.

I work for the State Department, and I'm a homosexual.

I feel no personal shame or guilt about this, but I must keep it a secret, or I will lose my job on security grounds.

Thank you.

Well, it just leaves Mr.

Boddy.

What's your little secret?

His secret?

Oh, hadn't you guessed?

He's the one who's blackmailing you.

You can't do anything wrong.

Well, as you can hear, that pause is quite the stir.

So Mrs.

White actually knees Mr.

Boddy right in the balls, and Wadsworth says the cops are coming, and he will turn over the evidence and their current conversations being recorded.

Mr.

Boddy says they will all be exposed, and then he goes gets his bag.

They all open up gifts that were in the bag, and they're all the weapons from the classic lewd game.

A candlestick for Ms.

Scarlet, a rope for Mrs.

White, a lead pipe for Mr.

Green, the wrench for Colonel Mustard, a gun for professor Plum, and the knife for Mrs.

Pecan.

Mr.

Boddy says someone should kill Wadsworth when he turns out the light, and then they can all just pretend like this never happened.

So the light goes out, we hear a thump, a groan, and then the gun goes off, and that's the end of that 30 minutes.

It's so perfectly timed for that exactly too.

The gun goes off, you hear the scream, and it's pretty much right the 30-minute mark.

And there you go.

And so that first 30 minutes is just not only good.

It's not just fucking good comedy, it's good suspense.

Like that music that's played when they're all opening up their gifts is creepy.

The thing that it does really well, and I think the thing that probably didn't resonate well with people at the time of its release in the 80s is walking the fine line of building the tension that you would build in a mystery suspense film like this when you're waiting for a murder to happen, but doing it with a comedic delivery.

Like the fight that happens each moment in the fight that is actually violent is hilarious.

Like the guy gets kneed in the nuts, tiny little LeVic kicks the shit out of people like twice his height.

Colonel Buster gets poked in the eye.

Right.

And then they try to break up the fight and at one point in time, the G-Man guy is like, if you're not going to fight fair, you shouldn't fight at all or some shit like that.

Nobody ever really follows because when it comes to fighting, it's whatever you have to do to protect yourself.

Exactly.

It's just good shit.

I mean, yeah, just well acted, well-timed, the comedic timing in it is great.

Yeah.

The suspense is great.

And playing back the clips even in the edited form, even though you and I have already recently watched this, and we're still laughing at some of our favorite jokes in the background for everything while we're playing the clips.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just good.

Yeah.

I'm really sad that people in the 80s didn't really get to appreciate this till it was already too late and on cable.

yes.

That's where I found it as a kid.

Yeah.

That's I found it, not cable.

I saw it in a video store.

I saw the box and it was Clue.

And I was like, hey, that's a board game.

I wonder what this movie is like.

So I rented it as a kid.

Boom.

There it is.

Yeah.

That's all it takes.

You just see it one time as a little kid, and then once you start growing up watching it, you pick up more and more and then things start to resonate with you more and more.

And then the adult humor really starts to hit and you really fall in love with it.

That's just basically what happens.

I think that's just how it goes.

Yeah.

If you grow up with this movie, you end up falling in love with this movie over time in multiple different ways.

And we can move on to the next 30.

All right.

Next 30.

Well, they turn the light and Mr.

Body is down.

And that is our next clip.

Come here.

Let me see.

He's dead.

Who had the gun?

I did.

Then you shot him.

I didn't.

Well, you had the gun.

If you didn't shoot him, who did?

Nobody.

Look, there's no gunshot wound.

Somebody tried to grab the gun for me in the dark, and the gun went off.

Look, the bullet broke that vase on the mantel.

Sorry, here's the...

He's absolutely right.

Look, there's a bullet hole here in the wall.

See that?

How did he die?

I don't know.

I'm not a forensic expert.

Well, one of us must have killed him.

Well, I didn't do it.

Oh, I need a drink.

Maybe he was poisoned.

Mrs.

Peacock, it's all right.

You don't know anything.

Sit down.

Sit down, Mrs.

Peacock.

I had to stop her from screaming.

Was the brandy poisoned?

I don't.

Looks like we'll never know.

unless, unless she dies too.

No, thanks to you.

What do you mean?

You locked me up with the murder, you idiot.

So the murderer is in this room.

May we?

But where?

Where?

Here.

We are all looking at them.

Is what Mrs.

White said in the study.

One of you is the killer.

How did you know we said that?

I was reasoning.

But why were you screaming in here all by yourself?

Because I am proud.

And me too.

I also drink the cognac.

Mon Dieu.

I can't stay in here by myself.

Come back to the study with us.

There is safety in numbers, my dear.

So Wadsworth grabs the tapes that were being recorded.

They all head back to the study.

And that is our next clip.

No indication of how he died.

No, this is terrible.

This is absolutely terrible.

It's not what I intended.

Oh, my God.

Not what you intended.

So you're not the butler?

I'm not the butler, but I'm a butler.

In fact, I was his butler.

So if he told you to invite us all to his house, why did he arrive late?

I invited you.

In fact, I wrote the letters.

It was all my idea.

Wait a minute.

I don't understand.

Why did you invite us here to meet your late employer?

Were you assisting him to blackmail us?

Certainly not.

I think you had better explain.

Please sit down, everyone.

When I said that I was Mr.

Boddy's butler, this was both true and misleading.

I was once his butler, but it was not his untimely death this evening that brought my employment with him to an end.

When did it come to an end?

When my wife decided to end her life.

She too was being blackmailed by this odious man who now lies dead before us.

He hated my wife for the same reason that he hated all of you.

He believed that you were all thoroughly un-American.

Sorry.

For some reason, he felt that it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to take advantage of his patients, for a wife to emasculate her husband, and so forth.

But this is ridiculous.

If he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authority?

He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it.

What could be more American than that?

And what was your role in all this?

I was a victim too, at least my wife was.

She had friends who were socialists.

Oh my god.

Well, we all make mistakes.

But Mr.

Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American activities Committee, unless she named them.

She refused, and so he blackmailed her.

We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing.

We were slaves.

Well, to make a long story short, the suicide of my wife preyed on my mind and created a sense of injustice in me.

I resolved to put Mr.

Boddy behind bars.

It seemed to me the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail, was to get everyone face to face, confront Mr.

Boddy with his crimes, and then turn him over to the police.

So everything is explained?

Nothing's explained.

We still don't know who killed him.

But the point is we've got to find out in the next 39 minutes before the police arrive.

Oh my God, we can't have them come here now.

But how can we possibly find out which of you did it?

What do you mean, which of you did it?

Well, I didn't do it.

Well, one of us did.

We all had the opportunity.

We all had a motive.

Great.

We'll all go to the chair.

Maybe it wasn't one of us.

Well, who else could it have been?

Who else is in the house?

Only the cook.

All right.

So the great parts and all that, one of them is the first time we hear that, long story short, too late.

Yeah, I love that.

And then one of the great scenes where they go, well, that explains everything then.

And then you see Miss Peacock sitting there nodding her head, and then somebody goes, and then Miss Scarlett goes, that doesn't explain everything, and she starts shaking her head.

No, it's just a great, just pay attention to everything.

Every actor is giving everything they've got in every scene.

You're absolutely right.

You gotta watch every actor, even if they're not having any dialogue, or maybe not even the focal point, because they are doing something hilarious.

Every scene, yeah.

Yeah.

So, they rush to the kitchen, and the cook is dead in the freezer.

Mr.

Greed catches her, and he's like, Help, help me, please.

Help.

And they lay her down, and this leads to our next clip.

That's evidence.

Not for us.

We have to find out who did this.

We can't take fingerprints.

I think you'd better explain yourself, Wadsworth.

Me?

Why me?

Who would want to kill the cook?

Dinner wasn't that bad.

How can you make jokes at a time like this?

It's my defense mechanism.

Some defense.

If I was the killer, I would kill you next.

I said if.

If.

Hey, come on.

There is only one admitted killer here, and it's certainly not me.

It is her.

I've admitted nothing.

Well, you paid the blackmail.

How many husbands have you had?

Mine or other women's?

Yours.

Five.

Five?

yes, just the five.

Husbands should be like Lennox.

Soft, strong, and disposable.

You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.

flies are where men are most vulnerable.

Right.

Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it?

Who had the dagger anyway?

It was you, Mrs.

Peacock, wasn't it?

yes, but I put it down.

In the study.

I don't know.

Before I paid it after I paid it.

I don't know.

But any of you could have picked it up.

Look, I suggest we take the cook's body into the study.

Why?

I'm the butler.

I like to keep the kitchen tidy.

God, his asides are the best.

yes.

Oh, God.

Oh, well, they take the cook to the study, and Mr.

Body is now gone, and that leads to our next clip.

What are you all staring at?

Nothing.

Well, who's there?

Nobody.

What do you mean?

Nobody.

Nobody, that's what we mean.

Mr.

Body's body, it's gone.

Maybe he wasn't dead.

He was.

We should have made sure.

How?

By cutting his head off, I suppose.

That wasn't called for.

Where is he?

We'd better look for him.

Well, he couldn't have been dead.

He was.

At least I thought he was.

But what difference does it make now?

It makes quite a difference to him.

Maybe there is life after death.

Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

Maybe Mr.

Boddy killed the cook.

yes.

How?

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to...

Is there a little girl's room in the hall?

Oui, oui, Madame.

No, I just want to powder my nose.

Thank you.

What's this, Wadsworth?

I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred.

Oh, my God.

Are you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?

Certainly not.

I detained them for the Colonel, and I was going to give them back as soon as Mr.

Boddy was unmasked.

Very pretty.

Would you like to see these, I bet they might shock you.

No, merci.

I am a lady.

How do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a lady?

What sort of pictures are they?

They are my pictures, and I'd like them back, please.

No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me, too.

Let me see.

Nobody can get into that position.

Sure, they can.

Let me show you.

Get off me.

He's attacking her!

No, no, he's dead.

Mr.

Boddy, dead, again!

Oh, my God!

She's going to faint!

I'll catch him, fall into my arms!

Sorry.

You've got blood on your hands.

I didn't do it!

He's got new injuries.

Well, he's certainly dead now.

Why would anyone want to kill him twice?

Seems so unnecessary.

That's what we call overkill.

What we call a psychotic.

What's the difference?

That's what we're trying to find out!

We're trying to find out who killed him, and where, and with what.

There's no need to shout!

I'm not shouting!

Alright, I am!

I'm shouting!

I'm shouting!

I'm shouting!

Okay, candlestick falls on his head.

That was just great.

Yeah.

They get the bodies onto the sofa, and Wadsworth locks up all the weapons.

They want him to throw the key away.

So he opens the door to throw the key, and there's a motorist who's stranded there.

And that turns into our next clip.

Sorry.

Can we help?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to disturb the whole household, but my car broke down out here, and I was wondering if I could use your phone.

Just a moment, please.

Very well, sir.

Would you care to come in?

Well, where is it?

What, the body?

The phone.

What body?

But there's no body.

Nobody, there's nobody in the study.

No!

But I think there's a phone in the lounge.

Thank you.

When you've finished your call, perhaps you'll be good enough to wait here.

Where's the key?

In my pocket.

Not that key, the key to the cupboard, with the weapons.

You still wish me to just fade away?

Well.

What now?

Wasworth, let me out.

No.

Why not?

We gotta know who did it.

We're all in this together now.

If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.

Me too!

Me too!

Oh, Wasworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.

One day, when we're alone together.

Mrs.

White, no man in his right mind will be alone together with you.

Well, I could use a drink.

Oh, so could I.

Just checking.

Everything all right?

Yep.

Two corpses.

Everything's fine.

Anybody else want a whiskey?

Yeah.

All right, look.

Pay attention, everybody.

Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?

No.

Then there is someone else in this house?

No.

Sorry.

I said no, meaning yes.

No, meaning yes?

Look, I want a straight answer.

Is there someone else or isn't there a yes or no?

No.

No, there is or no, there isn't?

yes.

Please!

Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here?

Yeah.

How can we throw him outside in this weather?

If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.

If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.

If I were him, I'd be suspicious already.

Oh, who cares?

That guy doesn't matter.

Let him stay locked up for another half an hour.

The police will be here by then, and there are two dead bodies in the study.

Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's anybody else in this house.

I told you, there isn't.

There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else.

Either.

Or both.

Just give me a clear answer.

Certainly.

What was the question?

Is there anybody else in the house?

That's what he says, but does he know?

I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion.

We split up and search the house.

Split up?

yes.

We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.

Pairs?

yes.

Wait a minute.

Suppose that one of us is the murderer.

If we split up into pairs, whichever one of us is left with a killer might get killed.

Then we would have discovered who the murderer is.

But the other half of the pair would be dead.

This is war, Peacock.

casualties are inevitable.

You cannot make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Every cook will tell you that.

But look what happened to the cook.

Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?

What choice have we?

None.

I suppose you're right.

But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of the dark.

Will anyone go with me?

I will.

I will.

No, thank you.

I suggest we all draw lots for partners.

The one gay joke that they make is when all the other guys can't wait to jump on going anywhere with Yvette, and Michael McKean's character goes, no, thank you.

Just like, no, thank you.

Yeah.

Well, Mrs.

White goes up to Wadsworth.

She goes, Wadsworth, I swear, when this is over and we're alone.

And he goes, Mrs.

White, no man in his right mind will ever be alone with you.

She goes, oh.

That's the thing about Mrs.

White is I think I would be alone with her.

There's just that kind of crazy that you just.

Yeah, me too.

There's something about that kind of nutty.

Gets you, I don't know, man.

It's not healthy.

So they all pair up by using matchsticks to match up.

Wadsworth is matched up with Mrs.

White.

Mr.

Green is matched up.

It's all as funny as it could be because Mr.

Green's matched up with Yvette.

Colonel Busker and Miss Scarlet are matched up, and then professor Plumb and the most proper Miss Peacock are matched up together.

So it's just the matchups are even funny.

It's matched out for maximum friction between the characters for community effect, 100 percent.

Yeah.

So, okay, now it's the search time, and there's just tons of good stuff in this.

Everything where Mr.

Green and Yvette, who are supposed to check the attic, standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up, not wanting to go up at all.

They just are staring at it.

professor Plumb and Mrs.

Peacock has to search the cellar, and he's like, what are you scared of a fate worse than death?

And Mrs.

Peacock goes, nope, just death.

Isn't that enough?

Yeah, that was pretty funny.

Yeah.

And then really just Miss Scarlett and Colonel Mustard annoying each other.

And then Mrs.

White or Mrs.

White and Wadsworth are upstairs, and they're getting ready to go to these rooms, and there's no light switch, and they're staring at each other, waiting for the other to go into the room.

So at one point, Colonel Mustard, Mrs.

Scarlett check out like a ballroom almost, and there's a curtain moving, and Colonel Mustard goes, Oh, you check it out.

I'm gonna go look at the kitchen.

So she goes up there, and she, and this is a pretty good suspenseful moment in there.

You don't know what's gonna happen, but she opens it, and it's just a broken window with the wind pushing the curtain.

Well, we see a cop car drive by the, you know, stranded motorist's car.

Well, then we cut to someone burning all the evidence and has the key to the weapons cupboard, and it opens it up.

The motorist is on the phone saying that he stumbled upon this party and his old boss is there before he is killed with the wrench.

Then Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlett find a secret passageway from the conservatory all the way to the lounge, and they find the motorist dead.

The secret passage closes and they get locked in.

They start screaming, which causes everyone to show up.

The key is gone and Yvette runs and gets the gun.

She trips and shoots the chandelier string, then gets up and shoots the door open, and freaking out both Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet.

As Colonel Mustard walks away, he goes, I can't take any more scares.

The chandelier falls, breaking behind him.

That's the end of that 30 minutes before we go into the final 30.

That chandelier dropping, you can see the actual fear on Martin Maul's face right as that happens.

There's no acting involved in that.

He fucking shit his pants when that hit the ground because it hit way too close to him.

That was way too close.

That was, yeah, that was a lot because I can't take any more scares.

Yeah.

And then when that drops, that is pants shittingly terrifying.

Yeah, that would just freak the fuck out.

Yeah, 100 percent pants.

Yeah, yeah.

Really terrifying, my man.

Oh, yeah.

Other than that, that whole sequence with Yvette shooting the gun, they're shooting at us.

One of my favorites is, he's like, open the door.

professor Plum's like, where's the key?

I don't have the key.

professor Plum goes, who cares about the key?

Open the door, Mr.

Green.

I can't open the door without the key.

Let us in, let us in.

They're like, let us out, let us out.

Fucking just good.

Yeah.

I die laughing all the time at this movie.

It doesn't matter how many times I've seen it.

Oh, fucking gets me.

It's great that this time they're now using the comedy to build the tension because they don't give you a moment of breath between all of these things that are happening that are silly and fun.

And yet, if they were happening to you, it would be terrifying at the same time.

And the way that they're searching the house and all of that sort of thing.

But they're edging the comedy more out in front of the thrills and shocks, but they're doing it in such a way where you still don't catch your breath and you still get that sensation as if you were trapped in the house with these people and you're still in danger.

And yet everything is fucking hilarious while they're doing it.

And you know the cops are gonna be there in a matter of time.

Yeah, they just keep ratcheting up the tension.

That's what I'm getting at here is like, it really builds the tension well, but it is really doing it in the second half hour with comedic beats happening to try and break tension, but without giving you enough of a breath to continue building the tension.

And it doesn't stop from here, like the last 20 minutes that we're about to dig into.

This last 30, yeah.

Well, the last...

It's an hour and 37-minute movie.

It goes fast because you just go, it starts punching right away.

Well, and then...

You don't slow down.

Yeah, pretty much soon at the start of the next 20-ish minutes coming up before we run into the final ending of the film, the previous hour of the film gets summated by Tim Curry in such a way that it is so frantic and so fast that it leaves you fucking breathless.

And I'm going to tell you folks, I edited it down and removed dead space.

So please remember to breathe when those clips start happening.

Yeah, because it is insane.

Let's move into the final 30.

Let's get it.

All right.

Well, after all of this, we start the final 30 with our next clip.

Which one of you did it?

We found him.

Together.

How did you get in?

The door was locked.

It's a great trick.

There's a secret passageway from the conservatory.

It's not the same gun.

Turn the cupboard.

But it was locked.

No, it was unlocked.

But yes, see for yourself.

How did you know it was unlocked?

How did you know that you could get at the gun?

I didn't.

I think I would break it open, but it was open already.

A likely story.

Maybe they'll just go away.

I'm going to open it.

Why?

I have nothing to hide.

I didn't do it.

The key.

Gil?

Good evening, sir.

yes?

I found an abandoned car down near the gates of this house.

Did the driver come in here for any help by any chance?

No.

Well, actually, yes.

No.

There seemed to be some kind of disagreement.

No.

No.

No.

No.

yes.

Can I come in and use your phone?

Of course you may, sir.

You may use the one in the...

No.

You could use the one in the...

No.

Would you be kind enough to wait in the library?

Sure.

Don't I know you from some place?

You all seem to be very anxious about something.

Sir Chandelier, it fell down, almost killed us.

Would you like to come this way, please?

Quite a few drafty, these old houses.

Please help yourself to a drink, if you'd like.

Not the cognac, just in case.

Just in case of what?

Did I say it then?

Oh, shut up!

Let's clean this up.

Maybe the cop answered it.

And who shall I say is calling?

Ah, would you hold on, please?

Let me out of here, you have no right to shut me in.

I'll book you for false arrest and wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty, and murder.

What do you mean, murder?

I just said it so you would open the door.

What's going on around here?

And why would you lock me in?

And why are you receiving phone calls from J.

Edgar Hoover?

Edgar Hoover?

That's right, the head of the Federal Bureau of investigation.

Why is J.

Edgar Hoover on your phone?

I don't know, he's on everybody else's.

Why shouldn't he be on mine?

Excuse me.

What's going on here?

We're having a party.

Mind if I look around?

Sure.

You can show him around, Mr.

Green.

Me?

yes, you can show him the dining room, the kitchen, the ballroom.

Fine, fine.

Officer, come with me.

I'll show you the dining room or the kitchen or the ballroom.

So the other group, while he's showing up the rooms without bodies, they set up to look like a party.

So he goes to the study, and Mr.

Green is freaking out, and then when he opens up the door, Mr.

Green looks like he's going to be sick because Mrs.

White is making out with the dead body of Mr.

Body.

And then Ms.

Peacock is holding up her arms around the cook while it looks like Colonel Mustard is dancing with the dead cook.

Then he goes to the next room, the lounge, and he sees that Ms.

Scarlett and professor Plum are making out, and they put a bunch of booze on the motorist's lips.

So he's like, yeah, this guy's drunk, and professor Plum dead drunk.

And I think you're in this situation where you can get busted for a murder, and they're still being smartasses about the whole thing.

And she's like, well, you guys would get him a car home, a long black car, and she hits him, she goes, a limousine.

She does smack him whenever he says dead drunk too, a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, it's great shit.

Oh, man.

Good, good.

Yeah, it's just funny.

So anyway, after he checks all that out, Wadsworth comes out, and every time the cop's talking, in this clip coming up, Mr.

Green is kind of shaking his head and then smiling when the cop turns around.

And that is our next clip.

Officer, you're too late.

I've seen it all.

You have?

I can explain everything.

You don't have to.

We haven't finished searching the house yet.

We're running out of time.

Only 15 minutes before the police come.

Let's get on with it.

Okay.

Oh my God.

I just love that.

I didn't know it was that free.

Yeah.

I just love when he's being led around there in the room like we were talking about.

Yeah.

He talks about, there's nothing that's shocking about it.

This is just folks having a good time.

But the real fact of the matter is, necrophilia is happening in front of that man.

Right.

They continue searching, and Mustard and Scarlett find another passage from the kitchen to the study.

Then all of a sudden, the killer turns out all the lights.

Yvette gets away from Mr.

Green, and she's talking to the killer.

She's like, they know my body, they know everything, and they're not the only ones.

And then she goes, it's you.

And the killer strangles Yvette.

The cop's on the phone, and he's scared, telling the person he's not on duty, but he feels unsafe.

And then he gets killed with the lead pipe.

Then all of a sudden, the doorbell rings, and we see a singing telegram girl, and she's singing, and then is shot dead.

Everyone's freaking out.

Wadsworth tries to help Mrs.

White.

He gets stuck in his shower.

He thinks the door knob turns it and gets showered on.

When he finally runs down, gets the lights on, everyone comes down and surveys what happened.

And this leads to our next clip.

Two murders.

Neither of them shot.

I thought I heard a gun.

So did I.

I thought I heard the front door slam.

Oh, God.

The murderer must have run out.

Three murders.

Six altogether.

This is getting serious.

No gun.

Yvette dropped it here.

Very well.

I know who did it.

You do?

And furthermore, I'm going to tell you how it was all done.

Follow me.

In order to help you understand what happened, I shall need to take you through the events of the evening step by step.

At the start of the evening, Yvette was here by herself, waiting to offer you all a glass of champagne.

I was in the hall.

I know because I was there.

Hello, hello.

And I noticed that Mrs.

White and Yvette flinched then.

There was a rumble of thunder, and a crash of lightning.

And to make a long story short, too late.

One by one, you all arrived.

And then the door was shut by the cork.

And we went into the dining room.

And Mrs.

Beacock sat here, and professor Plumb sat here, and Mrs.

White sat here, and Mr.

Green, and Mrs.

Scarlet, Colonel Mustard.

This chair was vacant.

Anyway, we all revealed we'd all received a letter.

And you'd had a letter, and you'd had a letter, and you'd had a letter.

The point is, blackmail.

All this came out after dinner in the study.

You're right.

Mr.

Green stood here, and Mrs.

Beacock here, and Mrs.

Scarlet here, and professor Plumb here, and Colonel Mustard, and Mrs.

White.

I'm getting there, I'm getting there!

And Mr.

Boddy went to get his surprise packages from the hall.

And you all opened your presents.

Mr.

Boddy, switch out the lights.

Mr.

Boddy lay on the floor, apparently dead.

He was dead, I examined him.

Then why was he bashed on the head a few minutes later with a candlestick if he was dead already?

All right, I made a mistake.

Right.

But if so, why was Mr.

Boddy pretending to be dead?

It could only be because he realized that his scheme had misfired, and the gunshot was intended to kill him, not me.

Look, the bullet grazed his ear.

Clearly his best tip of escaping death was to pretend to be dead already.

So whoever grabbed the gun from me in the dark was trying to kill him.

But remember, what happened next?

Mrs.

Beacock took a drink.

You said maybe he was poisoned.

She screamed.

Mr.

Green.

Well, I had to stop her screaming.

Then more screaming.

In fact, the billiard room, we all rushed out.

But one of us wasn't here.

No.

No.

Maybe one of us was murdering the cook.

Who wasn't here with us?

Do you know?

I do.

While we stood here, trying to stop a threat from panicking, one of us could have stayed in the study, picked up the dagger, run down the hall, and stabbed the cook.

How could he risk it?

We might have seen him running back.

Not if they used this secret passage.

And the murderer ran back down the secret passage to the study.

So, do you ever come down?

yes.

Look.

What?

How did you know?

This house belongs to a friend of mine I've known all along.

So, you could be the murderer?

Don't be ridiculous.

If I was the murderer, why would I reveal to you how I did it?

Well, who else knew about the secret passage?

We found it.

Colonel Mustard and me.

You found it?

You could have known about it all the time.

But I didn't.

Well, why should we believe you?

Because she was with us all in the billiard room doorway while Yvette was screaming.

Don't you remember?

What I don't understand is why was the cook murdered?

She had nothing to do with Mr.

Boddy.

Of course she did.

I gathered you to kill because you were all implicated in Mr.

Boddy's dastardly blackmail.

Did none of you deduce that the others were involved too?

What?

The cook and Yvette?

No.

That's how he got all his information.

Before he could blackmail anyone, Mr.

Boddy had to discover their guilty secret.

The cook and Yvette were his accomplices.

See.

So whoever knew that the cook was involved killed her?

yes.

I know because I was Mr.

Boddy's butler that the cook had worked for one of you.

Who?

You recognized Yvette, didn't you?

Don't deny it.

What do you mean don't deny it?

I'm not denying anything.

Another denial.

All right.

It's true.

I knew Yvette.

My husband had an affair with her, but I didn't care.

I was jealous.

You knew Yvette too, didn't you?

yes.

She worked for me.

And you also knew her, sir?

We've already established that you were one of Miss Scarlett's clients.

That's why you were so desperate to get your hands on those negatives.

Photographs of you and Yvette in flagrante delicto, remember?

Mr.

Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my dear old mother.

But the shock would have killed her.

Oh, that would have been quite an achievement since you told us that she's dead already.

So, he had the motive.

You all had a motive.

But where and when was Mr.

Boddy killed?

Don't you see?

Look, we came back from the study with Yvette.

Mr.

Boddy was on the floor, pretending to be dead.

But one of us knows he's alive.

So, I explained that I was Mr.

Boddy's butcher, and I invited you here, and we realized there was only one other person in the house.

Well, where is he?

By now, she was dead.

We laid her down with our backs to the freezer.

One of us slipped through the same secret passage.

Again?

Of course, back to the study.

The murderer was in the secret passage.

Meanwhile, Mr.

Boddy was on the floor.

He jumped up.

The murderer came out of the secret panel, picked up the candlestick.

Mr.

Boddy followed the son of the study into the hall looking for the escape.

The murderer crept back behind him and killed him.

Will you stop that?

No.

Then he threw him into the toilet.

And nonchalantly rejoined his beside the cook's body in the kitchen.

It took less than half a minute.

So who wasn't there the entire time in the kitchen?

Whoever it was is the murderer.

And we put the weapons in the cupboard, locked it and ran to the front door.

The throw away, the key.

I didn't throw the key away.

I put it in my pocket.

And someone could have taken it out of my pocket and substituted another.

We were all in a huddle.

Any one of us could have done that.

Precisely.

Wait a minute.

Colonel Mustard has a top secret Pentagon job.

Mrs.

White's husband was a nuclear physicist.

And Yvette is a link between them.

What is your top secret job, Colonel?

I can tell you.

He's working on the secret of the next fusion bomb.

How did you know that?

Can you keep a secret?

yes.

Is this a plot between them, Wadsworth, or did Colonel Mustard do it alone?

We shall see.

Let's look at the other murders.

yes.

Bad luck that that motorist arrived at that moment.

It wasn't luck.

I invited him.

You did.

Of course, it's obvious.

Everyone here tonight was either Mr.

Boddy's victim or accomplice.

Everyone who has died gave him vital information about one of you.

I got them here so they give evidence against him and force him to confess.

Oh, yeah?

What about that motorist?

What kind of information did he have?

He was my driver during the war.

And what was he holding over you?

He knew that I was a war profiteer.

I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them.

Blackbark it.

That is how I made all my money.

That does not make me a murderer.

Well, a lot of our airmen died because their radios didn't work.

Was the policeman working for Mr.

Boddy, too?

The cop was from Washington.

He was on my payroll.

I bribed him once a week so I could carry on with business.

Mr.

Boddy found out somehow.

Oh, my God.

Oh, please.

And the singing telegram girl?

She was my patient once.

I had an affair with her.

That's how I lost my license.

Mr.

Boddy found that out, too.

Well, let's put in the study with the others.

So now you all know why they died.

Whoever killed Mr.

Boddy also wanted his accomplices dead.

How did the murderer know about them all?

I mean, I admit that I had guessed that this young singer informed on me to Mr.

Boddy, but I didn't know anything about any of you until this evening.

First, the murderer needed to get the weapons.

Easy.

He stole the key from my pocket.

And then we all followed Colonel Mustard's suggestion that we split up and search the house.

That's right.

It was Colonel Mustard's suggestion.

And one of us got away from his or her partner and hurried to the study.

On the desk was the envelope from Mr.

Boddy.

It contained photographs and letters, the evidence of Mr.

Boddy's network of informants.

Where is the envelope now?

Gone.

destroyed.

Perhaps in the fire.

The only possible place.

Aha!

Then we found the secret passage from the conservatory to the lounge where we found the murderer is dead!

That's right!

And we couldn't get in.

So we then ran to the open cupboard, dropped the gun, and shot the door open.

Bang!

And then the doorbell rang.

Oh, whoever it is, they got to go away or they'll be killed!

Good evening.

Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?

What?

Repent.

The kingdom of heaven is at hand.

You ain't just whistling Dixie.

Armageddon is almost upon us.

I got news for you.

It's already here.

Go away!

But your souls are in danger.

Our lives are in danger, you beatnik!

The cop arrives next.

We locked him in the library.

We forgot the cover with the muggles.

He was now unlocked.

Then we split up again, and the murderer switched off the electricity.

Oh, my God.

Turn on the lights!

Sorry.

Didn't mean to frighten you.

You're a bit late for that.

Hate when he does.

Then there were three more murders.

So much of us killed them.

None of us killed Mr.

Body or the cook.

So who did?

The one person who wasn't with us, Yvette.

Yvette?

She was in the billiard room listening to our conversation.

She heard the gunshot.

She thought he was dead.

And while we all examined the bullet hole, she crept into the study, picked up the dagger, ran to the kitchen and stabbed the cook.

We didn't hear the cook scream because Mrs.

Peacock was screaming about the poisoned brandy.

Then Yvette returned to the billiard room.

She screamed and we all ran to her.

But when did she kill Mr.

Body?

When I said.

We all ran to the kitchen to see the cook.

Yvette hid in the study to check that Mr.

Body was dead.

He got up and followed them down the hall, so she hid him on the head with a candlestick and dragged him to the toilet.

Why?

To create confusion.

It worked.

Why did she do it?

What if it was because she was acting under orders from the person who later killed her?

Who?

Who?

Was it one of her clients?

Or was it a jealous wife?

Or an adulterous doctor?

No.

It was her employer, Miss Garlet.

That's a lie.

Is it?

You used her the way you always used her.

You killed the motorist when we split up to search the house.

How could I have known about the secret passage?

Easy.

Yvette told you.

So when we split up again, you switched off the electricity.

It was easy for you here on the ground floor.

Then in the dark, you got the lead pipe and the rope.

Strangled Yvette, ran to the library, killed the cop, picked up the gun where Yvette dropped it, opened the front door, recognized the singing telegram from her photograph, and shot her.

You've no proof.

The gun is missing.

Gentlemen, turn out your pockets.

ladies, empty your purses.

Whoever has the gun is the murderer.

Freely worked out, Wadsworth.

I congratulate you.

Me too.

Shut up!

Now, there's one thing I don't understand.

One thing?

Why did you do it?

Half of Washington knows what kind of business you run.

You were in no real danger.

The whole town would be implicated if you were exposed.

I don't think they know my real business.

My business is secrets, and Yvette found them out for me.

The secrets of Senator Peacock's Defense Committee, of Colonel Mustard's fusion bomb, professor Plum's UN contacts, and the work of your husband, nuclear physicist.

So, it is political.

You're a communist.

No, Mr.

Green.

Communism is just a red herring.

Like all members of the oldest profession, I'm a capitalist, and I'm going to sell my secrets, your secrets, to the highest bidder.

What if we don't cooperate?

You will, or I'll expose you.

We can expose you.

Six murders?

I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the UN., professor Plum, if it's revealed that you have been implicated not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death and the deaths of five other people.

You don't know what kind of people they have at the UN.

I might go up with their estimations.

And it's no good blackmailing me, madam.

I have no more money.

No, I know, sweetie pie, but you can pay me in government information, all of you.

Except you, Wadsworth.

You as a mere butler have no access to government secrets.

So, I'm afraid your moment has come.

Not so fast, Miss Scarlett.

I do have a secret or two.

Oh, yeah, such as?

The game's up, Scarlett.

There are no more bullets left in that gun.

Come on, you don't think I'm going to fall for that old trick?

It's not a trick.

There was one shot at Mr.

Body in the study, two for the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and one for the singing telegram.

That's not six.

One plus two plus two plus one.

Uh-uh.

There was only one shot that got the chandelier.

That's one plus two plus one plus one.

Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus two plus one plus one.

Okay, fine.

One plus two plus one.

Shut up!

Point is, there's one bullet left in this gun, and guess who's gonna get it?

All right.

The cops come in, they arrest everyone, and then there was a bullet in there, they shoot, it hits the chandelier thing again.

You see Colonel Buster trying to count the bullets, and then it falls again.

And roll credits.

Or do we?

Because we don't.

Because their second scene is pretty much, there's a second ending.

They say that's how it could have happened, or it could have happened like this.

And the second one, there's no clips of it.

It's pretty much the same thing.

Only Mrs.

Peacock is the murderer.

One of the funny things is though, when he's explaining that Mrs.

Peacock do the cook, because they made her favorite monkey brains, Mr.

Green goes, is that what we ate?

It threw up.

But anyway, Mrs.

Peacock's the killer.

They get her.

And at the very end, they're all outside.

It goes, we're like the Mountie.

Monsworth goes, we're like the mounties.

We always get our man.

And Mr.

Green goes, Mrs.

Peacock was a man?

And then he and Colonel Buster both slapped Mr.

Green.

And then he asks if he wants dessert or anything like that.

And then, roll credits, but not quite yet.

Then we go, and they go, but this is how it really happened.

And it's the third ending, and it's our final clip.

Sorry, didn't mean to frighten anyone.

You're a bit late for that!

Then there were three more murders.

Let's consider each murder one by one.

professor Plumb, you knew that Mr.

Body was still alive.

Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead.

You fired the gun at him in the dark and missed, so you pretended he was dead.

That's how you were able to kill him later, unobserved.

That's right!

He was the missing person in the kitchen after we found the cook dead!

But he was with us in the billiard room when we found Evette screaming.

If that's when the cook was killed, how did he do it?

I didn't!

You don't expect us to believe that, do you?

I expect you to believe it.

You killed the cook.

She used to be your cook.

And she informed on you to Mr.

Boddy.

You made one fatal mistake.

Sitting here at dinner, Mrs.

Peacock told us that she was eating one of her favorite recipes.

And monkey's brains, though popular in cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington, DC.

Colonel Mustard, when we saw the murderers at the front door, you took the key to the weapons cupboard out of my pocket.

Then you suggested that we all split up.

Like that!

This is incredible!

Not so incredible as what happened next.

But we all split up again.

I went upstairs with you.

Yes, you, Mrs.

White.

And while I was in the master bedroom, you hurried downstairs and turned off the electricity, got the rope from the open cupboard, and throttled Yvette.

You were jealous that your husband was schrupping Yvette.

That's why you killed him too.

yes.

yes, I did it.

I killed Yvette.

I hated her so much.

it...it...it...it...flame...flames...flames on the side of my face.

Breathing...breathing...breathing breaths.

True.

Who are you?

Terry Mason.

So it must have been Mr.

Green who shot the singing telegram.

I didn't do it.

Well, there's nobody else left.

But I didn't do it.

The gun is missing.

Whoever's got the gun shot the girl.

I shot her.

You?

So it was you.

I was going to expose you.

I know.

So I choose to expose myself.

Please, there are ladies present.

You thought Mr.

Body was dead, but why?

None of you even met him till tonight.

You're Mr.

Body?

Wait a minute.

So who did I kill?

My butler.

Oh, shucks.

He was expendable like all of you.

I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers.

Saved me a lot of trouble.

Now there's no evidence against me.

This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work with the new top secret fusion bomb.

No.

Communism was just a red herring.

But the police will be here any minute.

You'll never get away with this, any of you.

Why should the police come?

Nobody's called them.

You mean, oh, my God, of course.

So why shouldn't we get away with it?

We'll set the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and forget that any of this ever happened.

And you'll just go on blackmailing us, huh?

Of course.

Why not?

Well, I'll tell you why not.

Good shot.

I'm very good.

Are you a cop?

No, I'm a plant.

A plant?

I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.

Very funny.

FBI.

That phone call from J.

Edgar Hoover was for me.

All right, we've done it.

They all did it.

But if you want to know who killed Mr.

Body, I did in the hall with the revolver.

OK, Chief, take him away.

I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife.

Oh, so heterosexual of him.

Roll credits.

Cinema Silo.

In ten years.

So one funny thing is because I never saw this in theaters, saw it on a video set, and I thought that's how it originally ended.

It was until years later, I discovered that, no, they actually was only one ending in the theaters.

It was just a different ending depending on which region you were in.

Yeah, that's absolutely true.

They put them all together for VHS and cable.

Yeah, that is a lot of fun to think that you could maybe be talking to somebody like, Yeah, like you got into the movie and be like, Yeah, Mrs.

Peacock be the killer.

And you said like, No, man, Wadsworth was the killer.

Or they were all the killers.

Everyone's, wait, what did you see?

Yeah, the ending I actually prefer is where they're all the killers and Wadsworth calls them all out on it.

That's the one that I prefer the most.

I think it's the most.

And then he only killed the, well, where he's Mr.

Body.

More or less.

I still like that one the best.

Believe it or not, if you watch it, that is probably the accurate ending.

If you really watch the movie, you can see where each person disappeared and got their kills off.

So there's all that.

I prefer the Ms.

Scarlet ending, the original, the first ending.

I don't know why.

I just like that one.

Yeah, because I like the counting.

It also, yeah, the one plus two plus two plus one.

I think that just makes me chuckle every time.

Yeah, it's all very funny.

And the comedic bits that I absolutely enjoy the most are the, just the wordplay back and forth that they end up doing.

And just the way that they keep building the wordplay on top of or callbacks to, but the one plus two plus two plus one or one plus one plus one.

I decided to expose myself.

There are ladies present.

Right.

And then one of my personal favorites is something about, I don't need your help to look like a fool.

And then he's like, absolutely not.

Sir.

Yeah.

No, it's it's.

Are you trying to make me look like a fool for the other guest?

You need no help from me, sir.

That's right.

But he's like, shit.

Oh, good stuff.

Yeah.

Good.

Yeah.

Anyway, one of my favorite movies of all time.

I have gushed enough about it.

But yeah, that is just just I just love it.

Yeah, it's fucking great.

It was so much fun to cover this.

Why don't we take a break and do a quick story time to get the fuck out of here on this episode?

What do you think?

Let's do it.

All right.

Up next on the pirate radio edit and playing underneath this right now is Road to Nowhere from Talking Heads, also released the same year as this film.

And when we come back, we'll get a story time on a mat.

I was talking heads, we're on the road to nowhere, only being heard on the Pirate Radio Edit.

If you're not listening to the Pirate Radio Edit, you're hearing some bullshit I put on in place of that.

Yeah, bullshit.

But regardless of whichever edit you're listening to, you're going to be hearing our next story time.

I'm going to tell you about the dirtiest game of Clue I ever played.

Well played, sir.

Well played.

And I say dirty, not in the sense that dirty things were done.

Dirty as in, I did everyone dirty.

Oh, the biggest cheating session of Clue.

Yeah, yeah.

I it was in college and I found a way to win Ted Strait games.

I have a clue, because people are dumb.

Go on.

And for once, I wasn't.

All right, so we start the game, and you know, you put the three things, three cards in the envelope of who's guilty, their murder weapon, and where it was.

So I'm playing this game with four other people.

So there's five of us, right?

Or no, I'm sorry, three other people, four of us.

Well, two of them were hammer drunk.

Hammer.

One was high off their ass, and I was just regular drunk.

So what I would do is, I said, you know what, I can't really trust you guys with the cards.

I'll shuffle them and I'll put everything in the envelope.

And they said, okay, cort, I'm not going to lie to you in this no special trick.

They were all so gone.

I just looked at all three cards and put them in every time, huh?

Every time.

And so I would we play the game and I play a little bit.

I'd make my guess.

I'd be right.

Great.

So what I did was by the end of the fifth game, by the time we got to the fifth game, where I'd won four straight and they were just like shocked.

And they're like, are you just like the smartest person ever met?

I got a pretty good detective, I guess.

We get started with the game.

I defeat the game in one turn, just to see if I can get away with it.

Cort, I got away with it.

They were shocked.

One of the kids was screaming, like, oh my God, you're a genius.

He was bringing everyone in, going out, grabbing people from the hall because we're in a dorm room, and literally grabbing people from the common area, going, wait till you see what Matt does.

And I'm like, shit, he's going to get other people.

Now I got to get inventive.

So while no one's paying attention, I say I'm setting up another game.

I get everything set up, they bring in other people.

Now they've hyped me up so much, I don't know if the other people just weren't thinking clearly or what.

This time I did do it in one move because I didn't want to, like, you know, now there are sober people watching.

Three moves, I solved the case.

And everyone, for a solid week, because no one caught on, for a solid week, I was the most brilliant kid of the dorm floor until we played Clue the next weekend.

Where was this college located?

In the middle of Nebraska.

All right.

That says a lot for this country, I'm just saying.

Yeah, right.

So then everyone's sober and paid attention.

And I'm like, I'm never going to get away with it now.

I got like, I won the first game.

And it was like a normal game, and I actually just won it fair and square.

Everyone's like, Matt, win it again.

And then they're like, Matt, you can't play anymore because other people, we want to win.

And I'm like, you know what, guys, you're right.

And so I left and someone took my place.

So no one ever found out.

No one knows.

For one, I am a god of Clue.

There are people who are out there who still believe I'm a god of Clue and that I just know how to play it.

The one great scam you were able to pull off in your entire life over the most petty, stupid thing on the face of this earth.

My great flim flam was a board game of Clue.

Yeah.

Looking like you were the best Clue player of all time, was the only flim flam that you were able to pull off with such a game.

The only one I ever pulled off that worked.

That was it.

We truly live in the dumbest timeline, my friend.

We really do.

I don't know what happened.

It's been a decade of dim way to dip shittery at this show, and we deliver constantly with that.

Nobody's going to top that.

We're going to take a break now.

We're going to play the show Housekeeping, and immediately following that, when we come back only on the pirate radio edit, we hear Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers with Don't Come Around Here No More right after this.

If you've decided you can't get enough of the show, and would like to check out more of it, we're available at legionpodcasts.com

Just do a quick search for CinemaPsyops, or just enter this entire URL into your browser, www.legionpodcasts.com/ cinema-Psyops-podcast

Also available along with all of the fellow Legion-ears on the Legion Discord chat.

And now let's give you a rundown of the memes and how you're going to get them through CinemaPsyops.

The easiest place to go is to subscribe to our Instagram feed, which is our main meme repository at Cinema_Psyops.

Or you could also follow the Facebook page of CinemaPsyops, because they are immediately posted there after they get posted to the Instagram repository.

And you can also check out the Facebook group of CinemaPsyops, and the memes are shared there.

I am available on Facebook as CortPsyops, because the memes are also shared there as well.

Thanks for listening to the show.

I still can't believe that you're subscribed to us or here every week, just like us.

Don't come around here no more from Tom Petty.

Probably one of the weirdest songs he's ever written.

Yeah, still good though.

Yeah, I think it might be one of my favorites of his.

Obviously, any pro necrophilia song is going to be something that I'm enjoying from him more.

It was in a dance scene with Mary Jane was the video.

Yeah, I know, but I still can't unwrap my mind from seeing Kim Basie play dead and being danced around by Tom Petty.

Tom Petty looked like the type who would actually do that, just by looks alone.

Yeah, nobody even questions that Tom Petty would be dancing with a corpse and a bride.

Yeah, I'm surprised we didn't catch him doing that for real.

You know what I mean?

Well, while you're out there outraged at how we are defaming Tom Petty on his appearance alone, kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy on the pirate radio edit, Mr.

Mr.

With Broken Wings.

Recording stopped.

Hey, what's up, dude, what's going on?

Hey, nothing much, how you doing?

I'm doing great, and?

Recording in progress.

There we go.

There we go.

All right, you're up first with Clue, fuck, man.

Yeah.

I got everything ready to go, can you hear this?

Yeah, I can hear it.

All right, it works better in stereo, but here is our year 10 theme as well.

I'm gonna play it in its entirety since you haven't heard it before.

Well, while you're out there, outraged at how we are defaming Tom Petty for wanting his appearance alone.

Kick the fuck out of this week, and make it your bitch while you enjoy on the Pirate Radio Edit, Mr.

Mr.

with broken wings.

You know that song just from that opening line, I don't have to play the rest of it.

Yeah, no, yeah, you know broken wings.

All right, we're gonna go ahead and stop the recording now.

Recording stopped.