Cinema PSYOPS

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And welcome to the 455th consecutive week of CinemaPsyOps.

I'm your host, Cort, the guy that likes to record things out of order and

pretend like we didn't already do an episode that's coming out later than this one.

And joining me in that sneaky trickery is my co-host, Matt.

>> And we will then be now.

>> Soon. >> Soon, good.

[LAUGH]

>> Man, you should just make that the list of ten that you still haven't given me.

>> No, that's definitely gonna be on the list of ten.

Yeah, that's happening.

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm already giving, Back to School is for both of us.

So that's the first episode I already told everybody.

That's the first episode of season two.

>> Back to School, come on.

Rodney Dangerfield as a diver, it's best.

>> Yeah, absolutely.

That's something to look forward to for everyone.

And I had enough left over from the overindulgence thing that you and

I are both excited to do.

Which I can't say just yet because I wanna keep edging the audience on that.

>> Cuz we're not even close to year nine being over.

>> We're edging you.

Yeah, you want the release so bad, but it's not happening.

>> Not yet, you don't get to know what year ten's really gonna be.

Other than that, it's a selection of ten.

And there is about six, I think, left over for me to be able to overindulge with.

So I'm gonna start putting movies in the list that I wanna cover that normally we

would never cover on this show.

>> All right.

>> I mean, literally, I choose anything that goes on this show.

I mean, I say what is or is not a movie that gets covered on CinemaSci.

>> You are, you run Barter Town.

I mean, this is your show, man.

I'm just here for the giggles.

>> But there's some movies that I've thought about doing and I'm just like,

man, how am I gonna do a coverage of this?

Or I basically didn't, maybe I didn't have the courage to do it or whatever.

But there's six of those that I'm gonna pick out on top of the major celebratory

really long film series we're going to be covering as our year ten.

And then the ten episodes that you get on top of all of that.

>> Yeah, and I can't wait to review Love Actually.

So, oh, shit, did I say, oh, I ruined it.

Oh, damn it.

>> Well, I will reserve how Love Actually forms an annual Christmas tradition

for myself and my wife for maybe my story time.

I will not be covering that on this show, probably.

>> Oh, okay, I gotcha.

>> But it will be my story time.

I'll tell you how Love Actually actually ends up working in and around Christmas

time with my wife and myself, so.

>> Sweet, all right.

>> Yeah, we strike an unholy bargain that I will tell you.

>> Yeah, it sounds it that way.

The visual, watching Love Actually just brings me joy.

>> Yeah, it happens almost every Christmas, and there's a reason for that.

And I will tell that story on a story time when we're just gonna keep edging everybody

about everything.

>> Yeah, all right.

I mean, because we really don't want to talk about this fucking movie, I guess.

>> Yeah, Mean Mother, 1972.

Not terrible, not great.

Very much run-of-the-mill Adamson.

If you're moving forward from Dracula versus Frankenstein, because the film

immediately following that that you did sounded interesting.

>> Yeah.

>> And if you're actually gonna watch these and you're moving forward, I don't think

you're gonna be severely disappointed in this one.

We will see better next week, for sure.

Everyone will probably know that, that it's a better made film.

But this one at least has a couple of moments where you see Adamson trying a little harder,

right?

Like, he's trying a little bit more.

Like, he doesn't want to just keep you in the seat so that he can keep your money.

He wants you to kind of possibly want to come back or give him another shot at this point,

it feels like.

>> Yeah, he's like, "Hey, come on, guys.

I can make good movie."

>> Right.

Now, I did my clips in a hurry, so I'm sure there's going to be a racial slur or two.

So I'm gonna apologize to you, Matt, because you'll have to hear it.

But if they pop up in my clips, I will cut them out, because I got...

>> There you go.

>> I know that there was like two or three that were recorded, and I caught at least

one of them.

I don't know if I caught all three.

So when they pop up in the clips...

>> You're fine.

>> Yeah.

I'll make sure I edit them out before the final show.

Everybody will be fine.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, it's all right.

>> Yeah.

>> Is that like we're saying the words?

Is that like, "Yo, we're approving of it"?

It's just, it's an old movie, man.

>> I know.

I'm going to remove it regardless of who says it.

>> Yeah.

I mean, remove it regardless.

I'm just saying.

I think everyone knows that we're not promoting that.

>> Absolutely.

And I'm not trying to pad out the episode with a little bit of extra pablum in any way,

shape, or form at all.

>> No, not at all.

Why would you?

I mean, that is so ridiculous.

We never add pablum just to cover a show.

That's just delirious.

That's delirious, sir.

>> All right.

So this week for the Pirate Radio Edit, because the film was released in 1972, I chose all

songs released in 1972, did try to find a few things that maybe fit in with the easy breezy

sort of way that some really dark and horrible things are handled in this film.

So up first on the Pirate Radio Edit for this week is Loggins and Messina with your mama

don't dance immediately following the Legion Patreon ad.

>> This will keep you quiet.

Oh, hi there.

I didn't see you.

You caught me cutting a new show.

I'm Bo Ransdell, and I'm one of the many creators you can find on Legion podcasts.

I said quiet.

My fellow podcasters and I work hard to bring you the best in horror podcasting, but that

comes at a cost.

Not that, but also, yes.

No, what I'm getting at is that there are server costs, costs for good microphones and

software for editing, all the things that make our shows, you know, fun to listen to.

And you can help.

If you're enjoying the shows on legionpodcasts.com or in the Legion network available on iTunes

and Stitcher, just about anywhere you can download a podcast really, you can help us

out and get a little something for your trouble at patreon.com/legionpodcasts

For just two bucks a month, you get a pair of movie commentaries exclusive to Patreon.

And for $5, you can also join us for a monthly screening of a movie.

All of that available on patreon.com/legionpodcasts

We appreciate it, and thank you for listening.

Now back to the cutting room.

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- I don't think they're talking about dancing

and rock and rolling.

I think they're insinuating something else.

- Yeah, I think so.

But you know, I just like to think

they are talking about rock and roll and dancing.

- Well, the actual term rock and roll

is basically what a car would do

whenever kids are having sex in the back of it.

So that's where the term actually does come from.

♪ But your dad, and your mom, and it's a good song ♪

- You can definitely stop singing it though,

'cause you're ruining it for everyone, including me.

- You know, you could just be nice on occasion.

I'm just telling you,

you could be more supportive with my singing career.

- You have no singing ability and are tone deaf as fuck,

and it hurts everyone's ears when you make noise.

- Yeah, but you know, you're a fart head,

so fuck off.

- All right, 1972's Mean Mother.

The first 30 minutes, I did it in three blocks here.

The film opens with a guy standing around,

smoking and no sound.

It cuts to a car pulling up to a lady and dialogue.

So that's our first clip.

- How you doing, mama?

- Where you been?

I gotta have some shit.

- Oh yeah?

Yeah, I know.

But you've been running behind.

- I told you I'd work it out.

I'll work it out with all three of you.

- You do your work in the street.

All I want is the money.

Come on, mama.

Get it out.

- I'd almost bring you up to date.

What you gonna do about the date?

- Please, man.

I gotta have some shit.

- Mama, go back in your box.

- Hey.

- Why don't you get a purse like everybody else?

- All right, so she's a prostitute who's hooked on drugs.

She owed them about 20 bucks.

And for the last batch or a little bit more,

and then they find that she had like another 20 on her

that she was hiding out, or $22.

And that got her a very sizable amount of drugs.

So that's all that was happening

in that clip right there, folks.

- Well, she got a lot of drugs, you know?

I mean, and that was the old days when that kinda,

you could get that kinda stash for 20 bucks, man.

20 bucks doesn't get you shit now.

- They leave, and then we see that guy

that was just standing around smoking.

Apparently he's on a rooftop.

The three drug-dealing pimps get out of the car

and sojourn towards the lone dude just loitering up there.

They approach him on the roof.

There is more fucking dialogue.

I am fucking lazy.

That is our fucking second fucking clip.

- For regard, Joe.

- Nice to see you again, man. - You son of a bitch, man.

I've been waiting here for three hours.

I missed that match right back to now.

My ass is mud.

- I thought you might be running out of time.

You got my package.

- You got my bread.

This ain't even a tenth of the price you owe me.

- I know, but you understand.

It cost me a lot to operate.

We got a big hero.

You are fucking strong with me, Jim, are you crazy?

- You should've taken the money, Mo.

You really should've.

- Okay, okay, so I got a little pissed.

You give me the bread and then I'll take off.

Next time you want something, man,

it's gotta be cash up front.

- Okay, Mo.

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- Crick, now.

- Hold it.

- I wouldn't do that.

- I told you I had a big payroll.

The law is on my side.

You're just another dead, shot-resistant arrest.

- All right, so a shootout ensues

and the loitering dude kills the pigs

and then tells the surviving cheater

that he has to pay for fucking over people

so he shoots the man in a pillow around his stomach

and a squid blows out a bunch of said pillows

strapped to his guts.

It's like literally you see cotton batting go flying out

when this part is off.

It's really sad.

- It is what it is on that one.

- The loitering dude must be our titular character,

the Mean Mother, because he lives,

wipes his fingerprints off of the gun

and then the opening credits roll to the song,

Mean Mother, with a replay of everything

we just saw wrapped around with the credits

to pad out the runtime of the film.

The only lyrics of the song, Mean Mother,

are just the words mean mother

and how something along the lines of

you are such a mean mother or something like that.

So it's fucking disco, right?

- You're a mean mother.

- Yeah, they're really trying to get

that sort of blaxploitation theme going with this

and it's a very half-hearted effort

that you can tell they aren't trying that hard.

- They're not trying that hard

and it comes out and you can tell a lot.

- After the credits, we see soldiers

that appear to be a Vietnam era

wandering around a field of fresh-grown trees

that is definitely not Vietnam.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, definitely not Vietnam.

- Several of them are shot

and then we see our titular Mean Mother

who is wandering off alone,

abandons his helmet and gun

and is hiding in some underbrush.

He has an inner monologue about almost dying

that sounds a lot like dialogue.

Fuck it, that's our third clip.

- I almost bought it that time.

It's getting to be worse than selling dope.

- I'm just gonna have to find me a quiet place.

- Well, Sergeant, why return rather than go on?

- Haven't you heard?

There are bad guys out there shooting at us, good guys.

- That's what bugs me.

As long as you know they're out there, why did you wait?

- Now just admit it, Lieutenant.

It's more than trying to win real estate.

We gotta win the people over to our side

before we can win any war.

But they don't want us here.

- Bags, you two, bags, bags.

Put Sergeant Scott under arrest.

Hold him for field court martial.

- All you have to do is behave

and you'll get out in five years.

- All right, I cut it out,

but the commanding officer takes a swipe

at the junior officer who is supposed

to just take the beating and not try and fight back.

But he turns on the superior officer

and beats the ever loving fuck out of him

in front of all of the junior officers,

which is a big no-no.

And therefore he is off to military prison

that we heard at the end of the clip.

- Yes, time for you to go, sir.

- On his way to military prison, the MPs are shot dead

and the dude in danger splits

after killing the Viet Cong soldiers.

Our titular character must know him

because he shoots in that general vicinity

and orders him towards him.

And which that is creating some dialogue.

I chopped it down a little bit and that's our fourth clip.

- Move it, man, inside.

Down by the wall, come on.

- Come on.

Now it looks like we got rid of them from there, ain't it?

- Oh, lay it on me so, brother.

You bailed me out again.

- Don't sweat it, let me smoke.

- Hey, so, what's Charlie Company doing way back here?

- Well, they ain't chumps.

- Well, knock off that soul, brother crap.

Man, you ain't got no cool.

And you couldn't get soul if a pigeon flew over your head

and dropped it all over you.

- Hey, Bo, you and me, we're in the same boat.

- No way, man.

I followed your uncool crap from the time

that Shavetail jacked you up all the way through that trial.

- You smell like you've been running too.

- Right, man, right.

But it's like the patrols told me.

The man's got your name, rank and serial number.

- The patrols?

- Nah, not around here.

I've been making it for about a month,

scamming patrols that I'm a scout.

They lay a little food on me and an ammunition.

Weapon, I'm gone, man, I'm split.

- Man, that proves my point.

We oughta team up.

- No way, baby.

My mama didn't raise no fool.

What's more, I'm legally dead.

I put my tags on a dead blood and I took his.

And since we all look alike, I'm grooving now.

I'm going to Spain and I don't need no jinxy sucker

like you on my tail.

- But the two of us together

could not live as cheaply as once.

- I just remember who saved your sorry tail.

- Go to Rome.

Spain ain't big enough for both of us.

- Hey, boom, see ya.

- Not till you change your luck and get some salt.

- It cuts from this to a flight schedule

and then to Joe Smith, quote unquote,

trying to cut a deal with a guy in our next clip.

- I'm sorry I can't help you.

But you must have a cargo plane that's going that way.

- That is true, Mr. I didn't get you an A.

- Smith, Joe Smith.

- As I was saying, Mr. Smith.

Yes, there is a cargo plane.

One leaves Karachi every day.

- Great, I'll help load up here and I'll load at Rome.

- Mr. Smith, we don't carry laborers on board.

Ground crews attend the loading and unloading.

- Mr. Cummings, please help me.

I've got to be there as quickly as possible.

- I'm afraid the only way for you to get there, Mr. Smith,

is to purchase a ticket.

- I haven't any money, I lost it.

- Then ask your embassy for help.

I'm afraid we can do nothing for you.

- Wait outside.

My name is Seymour, Daniel Seymour.

You lost my bag.

Follow me to my hotel, room 217.

Don't phone, don't ask questions now.

- I heard you ask for a job at the ticket office.

Where do you want to go?

- West.

- I can get you as far as Rome.

- Yeah, how?

- Carry something for me.

- What's your name?

- Joe Scott.

- Got a passport, Joe?

- No, I lost it, just an ID card.

- How'd you get this far?

- Walking.

- What am I to carry, drugs?

- No.

- No drugs.

Your ID is no good.

You'll have to have a passport, I'll get you one.

- Just like that?

Okay, what am I supposed to carry?

- Best.

- Not heavy, but not conspicuous.

Take off your jacket.

- When do we leave?

- This afternoon.

Try that out for sides.

- Damn, that's heavy.

- Well, feathers are heavy if you got enough of them.

200 rare coins in that thing.

- What makes you think you can trust me?

- I don't.

I'll be on the same plane with you.

We don't know each other, remember that.

- How do you know I'll show up at the airport?

And if I do, what's in it for me?

- It's a free ride, you show up.

I give you the vest in the men's room at the airport,

plus your ticket and passport.

- It cuts to an airplane, then Joe and the smuggler

exiting the airplane to get a car.

Then it cuts to them exiting the car

to go into a collector shop of some sort.

Then it cuts to them unloading the coins

on a broker of some sort, as he takes his sweet fucking time

sorting through and stacking the fucking coins,

and then getting into his safe to toss some money at the guy,

who then gives our buddy Joe some of this.

And it's all done in silence to pad out the film.

Then we finally have some fucking dialogue and our sixth clip.

- Shall we talk about a job?

- Joe's looking for steady work, can we use him?

- For the time being, there is nothing to do.

Something's going over to Switzerland by car next week.

He can start that, we don't deal always in gold.

Other things bring a nice profit.

- When I get the bankroll up to $5,000, I'm off to Canada.

- Yeah, I said the same thing a couple of years ago.

I'm still here.

Joe, just so there's no misunderstanding,

you're working as my assistant, everything goes through me.

- Anything you say.

Where do I live, any ideas?

- Yeah, check into a hotel for a couple of days,

we'll look for an apartment.

And since you're working, you can take me to dinner, okay?

- Hey, Antonio.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Joe, let's have a drink.

No good looking gal in here,

she might help you find an apartment.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Teresa here?

- Yes, she's inside.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Ben.

- Joe Teresa, where have you been?

- Where have I been?

I've been here every night.

- Good, then I'll buy you a drink.

- You know I'm not allowed to drink

or sit with customers, this is a very serious place.

- How can you meet my friend, Joe Pearson?

- Hello, Joe.

- Hi.

- Joe thinks he'll stick around for a while.

Do you think you can help find an apartment?

- Well, there is one in my building, if.

- Great, listen, why don't we lunch tomorrow

and then I can see the apartment.

- All right.

- Smooth, Joe, real smooth.

Smooth, move, X-Lax.

It cuts from that scene in a very groovy bar

to some dude playing a beautiful melody on a guitar

in a bamboo-themed restaurant of some sort.

There is more dialogue with our titular character

of the mean mother.

And our seventh clip.

- I have chicken, you know I get your papers

and your accent pretty soon.

(speaking in foreign language)

And then baby, yet if no one will find you.

- Yeah, but that steamship captain

that I sail out of Saigon with

told me that for the hash, I know your name.

He also said that contact here,

you, that's my little big Cortez,

turned me into some action rap.

- He lied, I'm not in that business anymore.

I have no more contacts.

I've turned you on to a few things.

- Yeah, a few dying bags and shit and stuff like that.

And a few odd jobs with an American tourist from Iowa.

Man, I'll be here for the next hundred years.

Okay, I got a natural sense of rhythm, man.

It's just going to the dogs, you know?

I gotta go to Canada or maybe southern Sweden,

where I'm appreciate, you know?

- Yemeni, the natives are coming

and they are waiting for daddy to come

and change their luck.

- How's this, senorita?

Can I be of assistance to you?

- Cerveza.

- Thanks.

You always drink by yourself?

Or a couple?

- Senor, please, just leave me alone.

- The lady that entered the bar at the end of the clip

shoes away our mean mother.

And then two men come into the bar

looking as though they are up to no good.

As the lady gets all shifty eyed

and acting all sorts of sus,

she approaches our mean mother character.

And there is more dialogue and our eighth clip.

- Hey, change your mind, huh?

- Great.

- Senor, por favor.

- Yeah.

- Can I talk to you?

- Sure, about what?

- About them.

I need help.

You're the only person who can help me.

- Lady, I can't afford to help myself right now.

- Please, there's no telling what they'll do.

Take this.

Hide it.

Please, keep it.

At least they won't get it.

It'll solve all your problems.

- Okay, baby.

I'll put that there.

- Let's get her.

- Now look, I know you're running a game

with all these tears and stuff, you know?

- You better go now.

- She's right.

Just go now while you can.

- Hey, do you know where the man's coming from?

He means split.

So split, black boy.

- Yes, senor.

I ain't done nothing to nobody.

I ain't ever bothered nobody in my life.

I just a poor black--

- The fight is clunky and poorly choreographed

and our mean mother beats them to a pulp,

performs a coup de grace on the main dude

with a candelabra, taking the lady in hand

and dragging her out of there.

And that is the end of the first 30 minutes of the film.

- Not bad.

Not bad.

I mean, it's a 30 minute start, man.

You get some excitement in it.

- Yeah, so our boys, Bo and Joe.

Bo is the quote unquote mean mother

that we saw at the beginning of the film.

They were both in Vietnam together.

Apparently, Bo got some leave time at some point

and was doing a drug deal that they had him waiting

to where he was gonna miss his depot to get back to Vietnam,

which is something that happened every now and then.

Soldiers would get some time back home for a little while.

It did happen.

And then they would go back and be deployed again

for another however long if they signed up again

or what have you in Vietnam.

But that did happen.

So it's believable that he'd be able to be home

but be there long enough to run a drug deal.

I don't know, but whatever.

So he's then back in Vietnam

and then he helps Joe escape and helps Joe survive.

Joe goes to Rome on his command

and then he goes to Spain on his choice.

And then he ends up getting mixed up with this lady

as we see in the bar where Joe is getting mixed up

with some smuggling rings

because they basically had to flee a war

that they didn't wanna be any part of anymore.

- We did wanna be a part of that damn thing.

- Yeah, and nobody really can blame them

but legally speaking, they're in trouble.

So they really don't have much of a choice

other than to perform more illegal acts

because they're both fugitives right now.

- Yeah, right.

And that's unfortunately what happens when you skip out

on a war even though nobody should have to fight like that.

- It's interesting that Adamson is telling the story

in the fashion that he is.

I definitely feel like he gives more of a shit about this

when he's trying a little bit harder.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I will say this.

These last couple of weeks or this week

and next week's movies, they run pretty good on a story.

- Yeah, they're a lot more solidly edited and everything.

I think he's finally run out of clip show movies

and he needs to actually start.

- Yeah, no, he needs to start

in real like honest to God stories, like real shit.

- Yeah, there's a through line that makes sense in these now

finally after all of these films.

- Finally, we got something out of them.

Yeah, these last couple of films that have these

in these two movies that we're doing

that tells a story, a real story,

a story you can follow along with.

That's something that, oh, we're starting with this

and now we're gonna do a 180 and go a whole different part

and you're like, why, why, why?

- Yeah, this is a very well thought out plot line

compared to all of his previous films.

Compared to actual films, still not so well thought out, but.

- No, no, no, I mean, I'm saying it's still him,

but it's good for him.

- Yeah, absolutely.

Well, we can go on to the next 30.

I just do it in three blocks, essentially.

It's the first 30, second 30, and then final 27ish, so.

- That was actually not a bad idea to do it that way.

We'd get like an hour 30 movie.

- Yeah. - Nice.

- Yeah, it's working out okay.

All right, so the next 30 starts with cutting away

from the fight to the lady soothing our main man,

Bo, on the couch.

They have some dialogue and that's our next clip.

- That feels better, doesn't it?

- Well, the only thing that feels better

is being out of that place.

I can't afford to get into more trouble.

- Those guys anyway, they never played for keeps.

- They were after, after this package.

- Well, who were they?

- Oh, they, they worked for the syndicate.

- Oh, man.

That's all I need.

Jeez.

- It's not so bad.

I got a buyer for the $20 plates.

Gets us a lot of money for a long time.

And we've got each other, it's not so bad.

- The dialogue leads to some making out

between the two of them.

She says something about getting ready

and then heads to another room.

The mean mother Bo kicks back excited

and says he is ready and she comes out of the bathroom

with a gun and starts to threaten him

as he reminds her that he was the one who helped her.

She takes off and he laments

this unfortunate series of events.

And it cuts from that to what appears to be Rome.

As the woman from the bar,

I fucks Joe playing the piano.

And there's some more dialogue and our 10th clip.

- Joe.

- I thought I told you to stay in bed.

- I've been thinking.

You know, Marie, one of the girls that works at the club,

she's getting married.

- Oh.

- Joe, why don't we get married?

- We've had all this out before, Terese.

- You don't really love me, do you?

Otherwise we would.

- It's not a matter of loving.

Now be sensible.

You can't marry a man who's a fugitive,

a man who has no identity.

Can't you ever get that through your head?

- Why don't you give yourself up?

It's your only chance for ever being happy again,

even if I can't share it with you.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It's something I've felt for a long time.

Tell me, Joe, if you would ever go back to America

with or without giving yourself up,

you wouldn't take me, would you?

- That's a lot of nonsense.

- I'm sorry, I keep on nagging you.

It's only because I love you so much.

- Joy.

- Hey, Bo, what are you doing here in Rome?

- Hi, Joy.

Well, things got a bit hot for me in Spain,

so I thought I'd better split.

- Yeah, I'm glad to see you.

Hey, I missed you.

- I missed you too.

But I'm in a lot of trouble right now.

I need you to help me find some guy.

His name's Joe Scott,

and everything I know about him is right here.

- Well, I'll check it out for you.

- Well, meet me at the Naples Apartments.

Get on it right away.

I got a pad there, okay?

All right.

Avanti, Avanti.

Ah, Senorina Joy, I'm so glad to come to my house.

- Oh, you're a clown, but I dig you,

and I don't wanna lose you.

You make me feel like a woman again.

- All right, so what's coming down?

- That broad who set you up, set you up good.

I mean, she split the country.

She used you as her fall guy,

and she's got the word out

that you stole those $20 plates,

and you're gonna push them.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

Joy hears all and sees all and tells little.

Last night, I had a client.

One of the syndicate top dudes.

- Yeah?

- I overheard a conversation, and you're it.

Found your friend Joe, you know?

- Oh, great.

Come on.

Look it, you gotta split out the back, okay?

Everything is all cool.

I'll meet you at Japan.

- Who is it?

- Now so, brother.

Gonna speak to you in our language.

- Come on, you'll make it easy.

You're on your self if you don't speak.

- Come on, brother, blow off your balls.

- The plates.

Where are the plates?

- I don't know nothing about no plates.

You better find them.

- Because the next time I see you,

if you don't have them, you're dead.

- Well, Joy?

Joy?

- Hey, you all right?

- I guess so.

Where's your phone from?

(phone ringing)

- Hello, hello, Joe.

Yeah, Joe, this is Bo.

Right, Beauregard Jones.

Right, yeah, I'm in Rome now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

Sounds good to me.

Okay, man, see you then.

Ciao.

Baby, baby, I gotta meet Joe tomorrow.

He's been hired to help this ballet dancer

get away from the commie.

Her name is Nadia Kraszynska,

and he's getting five grand for the job.

With that kind of money, we can all get to Canada.

He's on his way right now to pick up the first 2,500.

- Yes, sir, or cognac, thank you.

- Piersan?

- Mr. Piersan?

- Yes.

- I understand you speak English.

- Yes, how do you know?

- I represent an American newspaper, Miss Kraszynska.

I enjoyed your dancing.

- Thank you.

- You like Rome?

- I don't know.

We have so little time to ourselves.

- Your glass is empty.

Let me get you a little more champagne.

This is a fine theater, isn't it?

- I'm the one who's going to help you escape.

Be careful, we may be observed.

We'll separate now.

Move around, but keep to the edge of the crowd.

I'll join you again.

- Thank you, Miss Kraszynska.

- Remember, whatever happens, follow me.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Don't turn around.

In a moment, the place will be in darkness.

By the switchboard, you'll see a light.

Make for it at once.

Leave the rest to me.

(upbeat music)

- Nadia, take the flashlight.

Tell him in Russian, I'll kill him if you move.

(speaking in foreign language)

- The escape scene is cut to the woman

that we saw helping Bo earlier in the shower.

She is now getting out of the shower.

She is completely naked while she's drying off.

They show just about everything the entire time.

- I saw everything.

- Thank you, movie.

- Thank you, movie.

- She then has some dialogue with Bo,

so that's our 11th clip.

- What's the matter, Bo?

- I gotta get moving.

Hey, I got a heavy car, baby.

- Don't go.

- Look, it's getting late.

I got decisions to make.

The government, the syndicate, everybody's on my tail.

And I gotta meet Joe.

Maybe he can help me get out of the country.

- Take me a while?

- No, they're gonna be after you now.

You crossed them when you helped me.

I'll meet you later, okay?

- I don't care.

- I could dig in with some soul in my core.

You'll find a body next to mine.

- He pulls off her towel.

We see her ass this time in the nudity.

They get making love with the love on camera

in a very unflattering shot,

and then it cuts to our 12th clip.

- You've got to get out of Rome.

If you're caught, the Italians would have to hand you over.

Last night, I thought I did a good job,

but now I know different.

Someone used that blackout for murder.

Krakow must be quite a popular guy.

- I told you, he once was head of the secret police.

- The old routine, huh?

But his interest in you, that's what beats me.

Something ring a bell?

- When we left, each woman in the company

was given some jewelry to wear at last night's reception.

Ordered to, in fact.

- Who by?

- An official from the Ministry of Propaganda.

I was given this ring.

Could there be any connection?

- With Krakow?

- Maybe.

He could have been making plans not to go back.

- Let's have a look.

No, the idea is good, but the ring isn't.

No, it couldn't be this.

Your escape was worth $5,000 to him.

- But why?

That's the only thing I was certain to wear last night.

- I have an idea.

Stay here, don't go out.

Don't answer the door.

Take a look at this.

- It's gold, European, I'd say.

- And a stone.

- A stone.

Makes an impressive looking ring.

You wanna sell it?

I'll give you a little bit more than I give anyone else.

- That'd be a change.

How much?

- Couple of hundred.

- No.

Take the stone out for me, will you?

- What did you hope to find?

- Valuable stamp, maybe.

Something I might have sold.

- Do you want me to put it back?

- Yeah, put it back.

- What did he want?

- Who?

- Don't give me that who business.

You know who, Joe.

- You've been following him.

I brought him here, so I look after him.

- Then you arrive at the right moment.

Unfortunately, I need some help.

Come on.

- Well?

- He has something worth a lot of, and he doesn't know.

- What?

- An emerald-cut diamond, worth $50,000.

But it looks worthless.

Covered up with a thin coat of paste.

Very cleverly done.

- Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

(laughing)

- Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

- After this clip, we see a man with a scar on his face

creeping around Joe's apartment building

and Joe gets there in time to get a bad feeling about him,

but immediately loses him after he gets out on the street.

Joe gets inside his apartment and goes inside

to berate his lady and our next clip.

- Hello, darling.

- How long have you been here?

I thought you were with Maria.

- I came home about an hour ago.

- Did a man call or come to the apartment?

- No.

Is everything all right, Joe?

How did your business meeting go last night?

- Fine, fine.

- What's wrong then?

You look so worried.

- Do I?

- Joe, something went wrong last night, didn't it?

Oh, I knew it would.

I felt it.

- God damn it, would you shut up?

- I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry, but I've got a lot on my mind.

A lot.

I've got to go out again.

- A lot of dramatic hits from people like

just having to leave an apartment.

- Right, yeah.

Dun, dun, dun.

- It's what it feels like when you have anxiety

and you're told you have to go people.

(laughing)

- Yeah, yeah, exactly.

- Why?

- It cuts from this to the mean mother

pulling over to a honey pot trap of some sort

where a woman looking hot in a bikini

pulls a gun on him after he checks the car out.

And it turns out she is there to get the plates

like she knew he would be there.

They fight and he gets the gun off of her

while being a bit rapey before removing her distributor cap

from her car and then stripping off her clothing,

including her top.

Here she is topless, not really under her own volition,

so your mileage may vary on that,

depending upon whether or not you can separate

what's going on in the movie with the fact

that it's just an actress that's topless of her own volition.

So that's your decision on whether or not

it's a thank you movie.

- You know what?

There's been plenty of other thank you movies.

I'm just going to say no thanks to this one.

- Cuts from this to Joe waiting on something

as Bo arrives to say hello.

And that is our 14th clip.

- Hey, Joe, brother.

You look like you're really in the top of it.

- Well, man, looks don't always tell the truth.

I'm in a lot of trouble.

I got to get out of this place, this scene's really bad.

- Yeah, I heard about your jam.

Listen, I've got something really good

I think will take us out of this dump

and put us on easy streets.

I've been into some heavy action.

- Well, it's a good thing you called when you did.

I'm about ready to move out.

- Well, you know me, like I always said,

two can live as cheap as one.

I know a guy that can get us out of here

if you got the bread.

- Canadian sea captain?

- Well, today he's a man.

- Okay, here's the pitch.

Now tomorrow morning, I'll take care of it

and I'll meet you here.

Then we'll leave the country together.

I'm in some trouble and I might need your help.

- We'll join the club.

You know I'm not traveling light these days.

I got abroad.

- Me too.

Okay, tomorrow, same time, then Canada.

- Righteous man, but let's clear the air.

It's the syndicate that's after me.

- Man, if we can handle the con,

we can handle the syndicate.

- They both drive off and it cuts to Joe

back at his apartment and that is our 15th clip.

- Hello, Joe.

- My, you're all dressed up.

- You bought it for me?

- That's right, I did.

Where are you going?

- To a wedding.

- In the afternoon?

- Most weddings are in the afternoon nowadays,

but of course you wouldn't know anything about this subject.

- Whose wedding is it?

- Marie, I told you the day we bought this.

I'm going to the reception afterwards.

Do you wanna come?

- Aren't you going to work?

- It's my night off.

Somebody's taking my place.

- Therese, you look great.

- And somebody's taking my place here, aren't they?

- Therese, if you're trying to pick a fight with me, don't.

I'm not quite up to it.

- Can we talk?

- Now that you're here.

- We are talking.

- Why not tell me who she is?

- We can't go on like this, Joe.

- I remember when you were in love with me.

- If you didn't have the shadow hanging over you,

we might have done something about it.

- If you would have given yourself up, I would have waited.

- Not that again, please.

- Yes, that again.

We could have made things so different,

got something out of life.

- There can't ever be anybody else for me, Joe.

Without you, I would be completely lost, alone.

I know it sounds corny, but I know myself.

- And you're in some sort of troubles

and not sharing it with me, and that hurts too.

- Therese, I've come to wait for a telephone call.

If it turns out as I hope,

all the trouble I'm in will be gone for good.

Can't we leave it at that?

- Who are you expecting to call?

- Oh, don't you want me to know?

- Dan Seymour.

- I saw you got his note.

- Yeah, this morning, you were asleep.

- Did you meet him?

- Yeah, he paid me back some money he owed me.

- Is that what he wanted to see you for?

- Yes.

- Why didn't he leave it here?

Didn't he think I gave it to you?

- I asked him some questions yesterday about you.

I know I shouldn't have, but I did.

- He mentioned you'd had a talk.

- He found out beforehand from the concierge downstairs.

She told me this afternoon.

- What would he want to do that for?

- I don't know.

But I wouldn't trust him too far if I were you.

Bye, darling.

- Who is it?

- I've been sent by Joe.

I hope you don't know how to use that thing, Ms. Kruszewska.

I told you I was sent by Joe to give you some instruction.

- I don't understand.

- You're on your way to England.

Boat leaves early tomorrow morning.

- But where's Joe?

- He's with the captain of the ship.

He had to give me a ring with a green stone.

That one, I guess.

- What for?

- You'll see a man wearing it at the boat.

He'll get you on board.

- A woman's ring?

- Don't waste time, Ms. Kruszewska.

- What do I do now?

- Wait for Joe.

- She won't have long to wait, will she?

I heard most of that dialogue.

I think we better have a little talk, Dan.

Now do some explaining, Dan.

You've been following me around, haven't you?

You overacted, Dan, trying to convince Terese

you didn't know whether I was in or not.

Never question anyone like you did the concierge.

They talk.

How long have you been following me around?

How long?

- I know a lot, Joe.

More than you do, in fact.

- Give me the ring and start talking.

- Okay, after you agree to cut me in.

- Why?

- It's only fair.

I can be a big help to you.

- Like that phony ship captain of yours?

- He's no phony.

He's very real.

- Only we weren't going to be on the ship.

Come on, Dan, what's it all about?

What part does this play?

- A big one.

That's worth $50,000 to Vittorio.

- We're going to see a jeweler.

- What do you want me for?

I don't have your stupid place.

- Yeah, but your boyfriend does.

If he wants to see you alive again, he'll give them to us.

Keep the bitch here.

We'll go make a deal with her boyfriend.

We'll get the place.

- She's going nowhere.

Come on over here, huh?

- You must be out of your skull.

That bitch tricked him and skipped town.

- Just sit down here, huh?

- The henchman ties her up,

and that takes us over the full hour mark,

and now we have nothing but the run to the end.

- Yeah, all right, cool.

Let's make our run.

(laughing)

- All right, fuck it.

Let's make it a short episode.

The run to the end starts with the henchman

tying up Bo's lady, as we were talking about earlier,

as the trouble with the plates continues.

She asks for a drink from the thug,

and he acquiesces to her request

as she uses a honey pot trick on him,

getting him to grope her titty a little,

pretending she's got an itch.

He gets frustrated from this,

and immediately starts to strip to the waist,

and falls face first into her honey pot trick,

including untying her so that she can grab his junk.

As the porno music kicks in,

and they get after making with the fucking.

(laughing)

- That's romantic.

- Well, they make with the fucking,

and it starts with some very awkward deep mouth kissing

that looks very uncomfortable for both actors.

- Yeah, that is definitely something.

That's a choice.

- The making with the fucking goes to the ground,

and the breast fondling and Roman hands begin

to pad out the film with the kind of thing

people actually don't mind watching,

which is other people fucking.

- Yeah, I mean, come on.

Everyone's got a little voyeur in them.

- It cuts from this to the man with the scar on his face

climbing the stairs to pick the lock

of what I assume is Joe's apartment.

It cuts from that to the post-coital afterglow

as Joe's lady decides to use the chlorinated water

in the pool to wash off the slobber

left on her body from fucking the henchman.

- That was nice.

- She is fully nude for that,

so this is kind of a thank you movie, I think.

- Yeah, I think so.

I think you're all right.

- She coaxes the dude into the pool

for what might be round two,

as he decides to suck on some titties

and the camera pans up and away into the sun

and then cuts to our 16th clip.

- Cutting you bastards in because I need ready cash

and I know you've got it.

You can have this ring for $40,000.

That leaves you an easy 10 grand to carve up between.

- You're asking too much, Joe.

- Then I'll go elsewhere.

Can you, with what we know, take what I choose to give you?

What else can you do?

- Fill you full of lead.

You look scared.

You're up against violence,

something you've always managed to avoid.

For years you've been living off guys like me,

taking in all we smuggled and giving peanuts in return.

This is one time it isn't going to work.

- Now you've got every kind of currency in there.

I know it.

- Do you want me to take the keys off a dead man

and help myself?

- I'll give you 30,000.

- Cash!

- Now!

- Ah, as long as he's got the gun, I'll have my cut now.

(laughing)

- It cuts back to Joe's lady getting dressed

after the fucking and she is shockingly double crossed

by her kidnapper after he gets the sex he wanted out of her

that he will not let her go

and that she needs to get back in the chair.

We see a hand that could be Bo's

grab the guy's gun and she knees him in the nuts.

Fuck it.

That was some dialogue as she does it.

So I backed it up and that's our 17th clip.

- Now, back to the chair.

- But you promised.

- I lie a lot.

(laughing)

- You fucking bastard!

- Bitch.

- Come on, baby.

We gotta meet Joe.

- I got 30,000 off of it.

That ring was given you, Nadia.

So this money is legally yours.

I'm keeping five.

Is that all right with you?

- Of course.

I'm very grateful.

The ship sails at dawn.

Give the captain 150.

Once in England, you're safe.

Make straight for their foreign office.

- What do I tell them?

- Everything.

They know what's been happening.

Leave my identity out of it.

That's all.

- Okay.

Joe returns to his apartment to find the man

with the scar on his face inside already.

He shoots the man dead and finds that his girlfriend

has been harmed in some way that is currently undetectable.

But she comes to enough to tell him what happened.

They have a lover's discussion

and he tells her that she needs a doctor.

She tells him she would have given her life for him

and then dies.

So I guess she is good on that promise.

- Yeah, yeah.

She did do that.

- The movie then cuts to Joe outside of an American embassy

considering giving himself up.

He is told he is too early

and states that he is in fact too late.

The film then cuts to Bo and his woman

as a man delivers the money to get the fuck out of Rome

to them and it has a note.

So that is our pent ultimate clip.

- Are you boy guard Jones?

- Yeah.

- What's that a note?

- He gave himself up.

- No soul sucker.

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry about your friend.

- Yeah, son of a gun.

Well, this time he bailed me out.

Well, get in the back.

Get on quick, hurry up.

- After him.

- This starts a car chase which can only end in a crash

and the death of someone as most Al Adamson films do.

The odds of our heroes surviving are good in this

as it is the titular character,

the mean mother and his lady.

But the music is trying to convince us

that they are in very much serious danger

of dying at any second.

- Yes, of course.

- The chase pads out the run time to the end

by at least an additional seven minutes

as Bo gets out of the car and into a fist fight

with the thugs on his trail.

It is again a clunky and poorly choreographed fight,

but we really need this film to be about 87 minutes

for some reason.

So it just keeps going and going for no reason.

- Come on, it has to be.

Listen, it's not 87 minutes.

What the fuck are we even doing around here?

- Joe has the upper hand till the dudes with guns

take him in with the rest of the folks that are there.

There is dialogue and our final clip.

- Come on, you, against the car.

- The plate.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Come on, where are they?

- 5,000 lousy dollars.

- Show Mr. Jones we mean business.

(gun firing)

- Hold it.

I'll blow your balls off.

- Get back.

Get over there.

Just don't anybody move.

Come on, hand it over.

The five Gs.

Get over there.

If anybody moves, shoot 'em.

Watch 'em.

Come on, baby.

Come on, get in.

- So long, motherfuckers.

- Eat it, you motherfuckers.

Eat it.

(laughing)

- Oh, baby, nothing's gonna keep us from Canada now.

(laughing)

- As you hear in the clip,

he shoots up the car motors of all of the bad guys

and the couple escapes with their lives,

but just barely, I guess,

and they appear home free and laughing

as they literally drive off into the sunset.

The movie ends with no fucking credits.

(upbeat music)

Like I said, not the worst of his film.

Certainly has at least a flowing through line

that you can follow.

I mean, one guy gets into trouble,

ends up contacting the other,

and gets bailed out throughout the movie.

It establishes their sort of friendship

where they help each other out

because they're both fugitives on the run

that have repeatedly saved each other's lives,

although that makes it seem like Bo was owed

like a million from Joe

more than what needed to be done.

But Joe really does come through in the clutch

and does apparently what is supposed to be considered

the right thing all around,

including turning himself in for reasons.

I think he just turns himself in because of the guilt,

because he wanted to take her with him to Canada,

and then they were gonna build a life,

'cause I guess he was gonna--

- The life that he promised her.

- Yeah, but that got taken away because of the plates,

or no, because of the coin that he was wrapped up in,

and she wouldn't go away and hide like he told her to

to make sure that she was safe,

so this ended up happening.

It's really tragic,

and there's a little bit of a dour down thing with him,

but we're really following

the "mean mother" the entire time,

and that was just sort of a side story

to help pad out the film.

- Yeah, exactly. (laughs)

- It's weird.

- I mean, you got a lot of padding on that, though.

I mean, it is what it is, but Jesus.

- This is still very much two separate movies

that he kind of took two ideas and jammed them together

and made them friends so that we could follow

two different through lines of Eurocrime, essentially.

- Yeah, yeah, I guess, yeah.

- I think the "mean mother" guy has a real soft spot

for the honeypot trap,

because he falls for it twice, basically.

The lady needs his help and asks him for help

and gives him the plates and everything.

Basically, what he should have done is just been like,

"Fuck you," and kept the plates,

and then he could have been hiding the plates on top of that,

and that's what got his lady into danger,

and both men were in trouble.

And I think if both men ended up losing their ladies

because they made a choice to try and grab

for some money when they could,

that would make sense, story-wise and all of that,

but it's really disjointed where one just happens to luck out

where his lady uses her feminine wiles to charm a guy,

thinking that it'll get her set free, but it doesn't.

(laughs)

- Right? - Right?

I mean, that's just a weird consequence.

There's a lot of story choices in this, and I'm like, "What?"

That doesn't make sense. - Yeah, you're just like,

"What in the hell is going on here?"

- Yeah, but he's definitely leaning more towards sex film

with what he's trying to make in this film,

and then the sex is more prominent in the next movie,

and then we get into sex films that he's making proper

by like '74, '75-ish at that point, so.

- Yeah, okay, so that's what's coming up.

- Yeah, that should be some more enjoyment,

'cause there's two different stewardess movies

that are just sex films that Adams and Hyde

are on the horizon in the future as well,

so we're gonna get there.

(laughs)

- We're getting there, we're getting there.

We're going to get it.

- Yeah, well, there's some story choices

that were confusing in this.

It's still a through line that you can follow,

and I think maybe the most egregious thing

is just the idea that the lady would seduce

her fucking kidnapper under the premise

that she would think that that would actually get her loose.

- Yeah.

- When in reality, the guy just clearly

was just going to use her, but I think that was just

an excuse to get more sex in the film

to keep people like me interested.

- Probably, and people like me.

People like all of us.

- People that listen to this show

that like to see sex in movies.

(laughs)

- Yeah, pretty much.

- Perverts, that's what I'm talking about, sex people.

(laughs)

We're not perverted, we're sex positive.

(laughs)

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go.

(laughs)

- All right, I think I could probably pad out

this episode a little bit with my story time,

but first we're gonna take a break here

on the Pirate Radio Edit, also from 1972.

We're gonna have Dr. Hook on the medicine show

with the song "Cover of the Rolling Stone",

and then right after that, we'll have our stories.

(upbeat music)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

- All right, now is that the first time

you've heard that song, Matt, or have you heard that before?

- Yeah, I think so, no, it's probably the first time.

- I wonder how many people out in the audience

that's the first time they've ever heard

that Dr. Hook song on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

Yeah, unfortunately, the first time I've heard about that

will not be my next story time.

(Matt laughing)

("Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook)

Story time.

- Story time.

- If you ever get sick of hearing that live,

you just let me know, we can stay clear of that,

but I'll keep playing as long as I know.

- I will never get sick of hearing that.

(Matt laughing)

- Who the fuck is you?

(Matt laughing)

- I don't know why I always want to truncate things

on the show, especially if it's just that little clip

that brings you so much joy.

- I know, I like it.

- All right, so for my story time,

I'm gonna tell everybody about how I end up watching

"Love Actually" pretty much every Christmas

and have been for quite a few years now with my wife.

- Yes.

(Matt laughing)

- I'm not sure exactly which Christmas that this started,

but my wife was really, really wanting to watch

a romantic Christmas movie with me.

And I was game to do something

as long as I could make fun of it,

but she was like, "No, no, no, you can't.

"I want this to actually be kind of a couple's experience

"where we're gonna watch something romantic

"and some snuggling involved and everything."

And I was like, "All right, so let's strike

"an unholy bargain.

"What you want is a deal, right?"

And in reality, what you want is a deal.

You want something and I want something,

so we're going to strike an unholy bargain.

And thus, the unholy Christmas bargain was born.

So for one viewing at this deal of love actually

with my wife where I just enjoyed the film

and only commented on things that I liked

and didn't bag on the movie,

she had to give me three viewings

of separate Christmas-themed horror films with the same,

where she could not be negative about it.

She had to be positive.

This was the original unholy bargain, okay?

- Okay, gotcha.

- The bargain would become null and void,

but we would still have to finish it.

If I made fun of her movie,

she could make fun of my movies,

but we still had to watch them, right?

- Yes.

- So that's where things got kind of hairy

the first time around.

So I had never at this point watched "Love Actually," right?

And I still am not going to really ever watch it willingly

without side of this holy bargain.

This unholy bargain, but it's one of the Christmas movies

that my wife absolutely enjoys.

So we watched it, we snuggled out.

It was like a couple of days before the actual holiday

when we're doing this.

And then I have plenty of time to get my horror movies in.

And it's saccharine, it's sweet.

There's a bunch of really problematic ways

that romance has dealt with in this film

that are all issues to me for sure.

Laura Linney gets naked, so that's a bonus.

Thank you, movie.

(laughing)

- Thank you, movie.

- I get through the movie with my wife and everything,

and I have the absolute correct response

where I say that I'll never be able

to forgive Alan Rickman for what he did

to Emma Thompson in that film.

- No, no.

(laughing)

Horrible, horrible man.

Good actor, and great person, but in the movie.

- Yeah, terrible.

- Yeah, that character was not cool.

- Right, absolutely.

- It's Emma Thompson.

Has Emma Thompson been cheated enough in her real life?

I mean, fucking, do they have to do it to her in a movie too?

(laughing)

- That's fair.

So we get through it, and then for my unholy bargain,

I start picking horror movies.

And I made it through my bargain of not being forced

to not make fun of the movie.

I did a great job.

I didn't rip on it or anything like that.

Bev doesn't even make it partway through Santa Jaws.

She can't.

- Oh, come on.

Santa Jaws?

That's a Christmas classic.

- I know, she likes it.

Don't get me wrong, she absolutely enjoys it,

but she needs to be able to roll her eyes

and talk about the things that she doesn't like.

She can't not do it.

And it was the first movie, right?

And she couldn't make it through it.

And then there was like a,

I can't remember what the original unholy bargain three was,

but I know that Santa Jaws was one of them one of the years.

And I know that that's the one that she's broken on.

But every year I make it through love actually

without ripping on the movie

and only talking about the things like, as I enjoy it,

or making jokes like I would to enjoy the film.

I make it through it every year for her.

And she can't even make it usually through the first movie

that I pick horror movie wise

without having some kind of a complainer

breaking her part of the unholy agreement.

- Yeah, yeah, right.

- And the punishment would be if she made fun

of the horror movies that I get an extra one,

but I've never actually like done that to her.

I just basically point out

that she's broken the unholy bargain.

And then I immediately ripping on everything I can

that I hold back on love actually.

- That's, I mean, that's fair.

- I like retroactively just rip into the movie

and how bad I think it is.

- Yes, just go through it, man.

I mean, that's fair.

She broke the agreement first,

so then you can just tear into it.

Look what they did to Andrew Lincoln.

- Look what they did to my boy.

- He is literally the worst human being in that

where like he's like, I--

- He's hitting on his friend's brand new wife.

- Right, right.

And he's like, I've always loved you, blah, blah, blah.

And then he's like, okay, enough now, that's enough.

You've told her they made out or whatever.

It's like, come on, you scumbag piece of shit.

- I know, it's like, Jesus, no, come on, man.

You can't do that.

That's your friend's wife.

- Also--

- You're the best man of the fucking wedding.

- Also, dude, just kind of go with the unholy bargain.

Some of the times I've been very nice to my wife

and I've picked like Christmas themed horror movies

that I knew she would already like,

like the Krampus movie with Adam Scott in it.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- One year I even gave her where I chose Gremlins

as one of my Christmas themed horror movies,

even though we watched that every year together anyway.

- Oh, yeah, you are nice.

- She does, she tries to manipulate me

and like try and like weasel out of her.

- Did she try to honey pot you?

- Well, that is one thing that will definitely work.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I was just about to say.

- Yeah, but no--

- But I wouldn't blame it, wives can honey pot their husbands.

All right, that's just how it is.

- Yeah, yeah, no, a lot of the times

like she'll basically try to be like,

oh, we should just watch this one as one of your picks.

I'm like, well, if you want to watch it,

then that's not one of my picks.

That's not how that works.

It has to be a movie that you're a little unwilling

to watch that you'll give a chance as part of the deal,

but I'm not knowingly going to pick something

that is going to be, like I did pick a movie one year

where it was like an all through the house kind of knockoff

where it was like this killer Santa Claus guy.

And it was really kind of a grotesque film

and not what I was expecting at all.

And I was not enjoying it.

And I stopped it and said, this one still counts.

You don't have to watch it anymore.

- Yeah, there you go.

- I'm not enjoying this myself,

but it's still going to count as one of your films

'cause I feel awful at how this turned out.

I can't even remember what the name of the film was,

but it just definitely was not enjoyable.

- It just was definitely bad enough, huh?

- Yeah, it was trying to go a little too hard edged,

gore horror for us to be able to enjoy it.

Like not even like- - Was it being torture porn?

- Kind of, I hate to use that term,

but yes, it was getting close to that relative.

Like just like gross out gore for the sake of gross out gore

and just cruelty for the sake of cruelty.

And just kind of like really serious exploitation,

which is fine for me to watch on my own,

even if I'm not enjoying it,

'cause I'm still going to get through it,

but I felt bad for her.

So I definitely, that was one that I stopped.

I just kind of let her out of the bargain on that one,

but there's plenty of Christmas horror films now

that we watch on the regular,

but I still have to make them quote unquote

part of the bargain

because she wouldn't watch them otherwise,

but she definitely enjoys them and likes them.

It's just, they're harder to watch.

Like we did "Dial Santa Claus" or whatever it is

that was like the French version of "Home Alone"

before "Home Alone" even existed.

They made this where it's a kid fighting a deranged Santa Claus

in his giant mansion on Christmas Eve.

That's like, this escaped lunatic who's like hurting people.

And she really enjoyed that.

Oh, damn it.

I wish I could remember the name

of some of these Christmas movies,

but I'm tired and I'm high and I can't,

so we're not gonna get there.

(laughs)

- No, I get it.

- Yeah, and I'm really just trying to pad out the show

to the full hour before we expand it out with the clips

that I didn't edit properly being added back in.

But let me see if I can find the Christmas horror film

real quick.

It is called "Better Watch Out" is the name of the movie.

It's basically a babysitter who is having a gaslight game

run on her by the kid that she is babysitting

who is like this super young psychopath.

It's a movie that's very difficult for her to watch

and she gets very angry about the kid pulling

all these pranks and doing all this shit,

manipulating the girl that's babysitting him

to try and basically score with her or whatever.

But he's just like this total psychopath.

And it's a really hard time for her to watch,

but "Better Watch Out" is one that she has definitely enjoyed

and will only watch as part of the unholy bargain usually.

But she still at least likes it.

Another one that we have done from time to time

is "Rare Exports" and she seems to,

she'll agree to watch that one on that.

I'm nice and occasionally I'll give her like "Violent Night"

or something along those lines, which is the new David,

the guy from "Stranger Things" that plays the sheriff.

He plays a Santa Claus, the Saint Nick in that.

And she really seems to have dug that one as well.

Just kind of various Christmas movies like that.

The one thing that I tried one year

that definitely didn't work for her

was I tried some of the shorter Christmas movies

like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,"

the stop motion animation and things.

And I think those are just too rough

and they kind of bother her and she didn't like them as much.

Another one that I love to sort of force her to watch

because it's a really good remake of a horror film

and it really makes her squirm is the 2006 "Black Christmas."

- Oh, okay.

- I didn't have her watch the 1970 version,

the original "Black Christmas" with me,

but that was a little too slow for her

and it wasn't really her taste.

And I really, really dig it.

So I just kind of watch it on my own every year anyway.

But the 2006 "Black Christmas" is just gory

and gross enough and goes into,

like it just digs just deep enough

into that sort of what you would call

torture porn territory,

but doesn't go too far over the edge.

And there's like cookies,

Christmas cookies baked out of human skin in that

and just some really gross out factor things that are fun.

- Jesus.

- Yeah, I enjoy it.

So I've--

- Yeah, I enjoy it.

- Yeah, it's a fun remake.

I'm not gonna hate on it.

Just the 2006 one though,

because they made another one a couple of years later

that I haven't even bothered with yet.

But like usually "Better Watch Out"

and the remake of "Black Christmas"

are the two of the three that I pick

and then I'll give her a give me.

Like I'll pick "Violent Night" or "Crampus"

or even "Gremlins" just to make her happy.

But we always, always, always have to watch "Scrooge."

That's our main Christmas movie we gotta get.

- "Scrooge" is always a must for me too in my house.

It's just too good not to watch.

And then also I gotta watch a regular "Christmas Carol."

- Yeah, I usually watch the George C. Scott one.

I like him the most.

- Yeah, I go for one of the really,

one of the black and white ones.

- Oh yeah, the Alistair Sims,

I think is probably the one that you're talking about.

I like the Albert Feeney musical one too,

because the song "I Hate People"

is just my fucking theme song.

- Yeah.

(both laughing)

- All right, so that's Christmas

and fucking April for everybody.

There we go.

- There you go, man.

- Yeah, even though these won't be coming out until May.

But that's the unholy bargain and love actually,

you brought it up.

So there's my story time.

- There you go.

- All right, with that,

we're gonna play the show "Housekeeping"

and take the break here.

And immediately following that from 1972,

we'll have the song "Hello, It's Me"

from Todd Rutkin right after this.

If you've decided you can't get enough of the show

and would like to check out more of it,

we're available at legionpodcasts.com.

Just do a quick search for CinemaPsyOps

or just enter this entire URL into your browser,

www.legionpodcasts.com/cinema-PsyOps-podcast

Also available along with all of the fellow Legioneers

on the Legion Discord chat.

And now let's give you a rundown of the memes

and how you're gonna get them through CinemaPsyOps.

The easiest place to go is to subscribe

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Or you could also follow the Facebook page of CinemaPsyOps

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And you can also check out the Facebook group

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Thanks for listening to the show.

I still can't believe that you're subscribed to us

or here every week, just like us.

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God damn the lyrics for that even fit.

- That's sort of how the movie ended up

where the guy regrets not, you know,

taking more interest into the girlfriend

that wanted to be his wife and have a life with him, man.

- Yeah, nice stuff.

- Yeah, that got really grim.

I'm sorry, everybody.

- Jesus Christ, your song choices today

have just been murdering all of us.

- I think it's only gonna get worse in your episode, right?

- Jesus Christ, yeah.

- All right.

- We really just bum out.

- Well, while you're out there really dreading

how bumming the next week's episode is going to be,

enjoy Edgar Winner with the Edgar Winner Group

and the song "Electric Frankenstein"

to bring you out of that funk

so that you can kick the fuck out of this week

and make it your bitch.

(upbeat music)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

("Electric Frankenstein" by Edgar Winner)

- Hey, what's up?

- What's up?

- Okay, let me get my clips up and running

and I think I've got it.

Okay, four, five, five.

All right, I think we are ready to rock and/or roll.

So let's--

- All right.

- Let's do that.

Let's rock and/or roll.

- Let's rock and roll, not or, and double it up.

- I forgot to do something over here

'cause I need to do it.

- Recording in progress.

- There we go.

- Oh, there you go.

- Yeah, three, two, one.

(beep)

I need to add in my clips better.

(laughs)

- That's all fight.

- Yeah.

- Hey, guy, we watched a movie.

I don't even know what that sounds like

if you didn't watch it.

- I told you I had a big favorite one.

- Butt rape.

- Lord, don't lie.

(beep)

- That's one, I got that one.

I got that one edited out.

(beep)

Okay.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Just a second here.

Three, two, one.

(beep)

All right, so this is Bo looking for Joe.

Bo, or Joe's fiance, or not fiance lamenting

that they're never gonna get married

'cause he's a fugitive and him having an issue with that

and then all the planning that goes in

and then the syndicate comes looking for Bo

and that's kind of like how he escapes them this time

where they've just beat him up.

That's what's going on.

- Yeah.

- All right, so three, two, one.

(beep)

The escape scene is cut from,

to the woman helping the mean mother

getting out of the shower.

The woman who is helping the mean mother

getting out of a shower.

(sighs)

Three, two, one.

(beep)

All right, I need to redo these edits.

(beep)

Clip 15 needs editing, court, you dumb fuck.

- He must be out of your skull.

(laughs)

This bitch tricked him and skipped.

- All right, just in case I jump out of it.

Clip 15 needs edited, you dumb fuck.

There's racist dialogue in there.

- Like real racist shit.

That was the hard R, man.

And you feel it when you hear it.

- Yeah, see why I wanna cut those out.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- All right, three, two, one.

(beep)

Jesus, I can't even think of it.

(laughs)

Hang on, well, silence will cut itself out.

Give me a minute here.

Of course, I have to sign in again.

- Of course.

- All right, hang on.

I gotta get the Christmas playlist 'cause it's part of it.

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- So while you're out there really dreading

how bumming the next week's episode is going to be,

enjoy Edgar Winner with the Edgar Winner group

and the song "Electric Frankenstein"

to bring you out of that funk

so that you can kick the fuck out of this week

and make it your bitch.

You gotta have heard that song before.

- Yeah, yeah, I've heard that.

- It's been in some movies.

Yeah, you had to have heard it.

- I had to have heard that.

- All right, hopefully everybody else out there

has heard that as well,

but this is the end of this fucking episode.

- Recording stopped.