Cinema PSYOPS

[MUSIC]

Let us once again make clear that which most do not seem to understand.

This podcast is marked as explicit not because it offers a mature look into the world of topics

not meant for the young or immature, but because it mucks about in very appalling,

warmness and tasteless filth whilst reveling in it.

CinemaPSYOPS aims to drag you down into the very same muck

filled with sexual deviancy and decayed morality.

[MUSIC]

CinemaPSYOPS

[MUSIC]

They heap weekly praise on such filth while discussing the most base and animalistic urges

reviewing the lowest common denominator of low grade trash ever considered film.

[MUSIC]

When you look at the state of the world around you

and you realise how little time you have left to be happy

do you really want to waste that time you have left

listening to CinemaPSYOPS?

[MUSIC]

There's a storm in the land, we feel the wind, we're shut in

a stormy sea, we feel we've lost our way

the moral hyper of evil is beset by law and decay

[MUSIC]

The most tragic thing of all is that this decay has made its most violent attack upon our young people.

[MUSIC]

CinemaPSYOPS

They were variously characterised by responsible people

as young folks, common hoodlums and drunken kids.

[MUSIC]

With dignity and respect of our citizens, old as well as young, high as well as low.

[MUSIC]

My father says he was a normal happy boy until he became obsessed with CinemaPSYOPS.

We become almost absorbed in it.

It is the prime impulse and you have to have it.

I hate it so much that I want to see what it's done until I become a person of my own.

And I want to see it burned, I want to see it after the face of the earth.

Yeah, it's amazing but I think parents have to really pay more attention to what these kids are listening to.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

CinemaPSYOPS

I want to see it burned, I want to see it after the face of the earth.

[MUSIC]

Hello!

And welcome to yet another very special episode of CinemaPSYOPS, a Hammer Films special.

I'm your host, Cort, the guy that is super stoked to be coming to the defense of lust for a vampire.

And joining me in this perilous quest is my co-host, Brad.

Good evening.

Should I have invited you in since we're talking vampires?

Yup, yeah. And now I'm just going to have to hang around outside and wait for somebody to invite me in.

Well, you can come in.

There we go, thank you.

You're absolutely welcome. Now please don't feed on me.

I ate right before we started.

So we have covered, you and I specifically covered, Twins of Evil together.

And then we jumped from there to Taste the Blood of Dracula, I believe it was, or was it?

Dracula has risen from the grave, I think, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, because there was like a sort of atheist and religion opposition thing going on in some of our first early coverages.

And then we've moved on, we've done Nightmare and such.

And it's been a bit of a bit between the "Dracula has risen from the grave" episode and then also us doing Nightmare, obviously.

And in that time, Matt and I covered vampires, so people have heard that review, and I mentioned that when we covered Nightmare as well.

Now, this is the third in the series, so this will be all three have been finally covered on CinemaPsyOps.

But I was, now I know that on your take of this, this is your favorite.

Less For a Vampire is your favorite of the Kahnstein trilogy, which most people would find absolutely outrageous, of course.

But if you were to sort of not necessarily rank them, but just like the ones that you enjoy more, the order you enjoy them more, where does vampires fall in that?

Is that behind Twins of Evil or does it come like Less For a Vampire, Vampires, Twins of Evil?

What's your order for those?

I would probably go Less For a Vampire, the Vampire Lovers, and then Twins of Evil.

And that's, I mean, there's a very small margin there because I do like Twins of Evil a lot.

So, but yeah, it'd be less than the Vampire Lovers and then this.

Okay, well, there's a couple things that I'll reserve because I actually will have questions for our question time for once, believe it or not.

Well, exciting.

I hope I can remember them by the time I get through all of the notes because I have 19 clips.

Not all of them are like super, super long, but they're relatively long.

Pretty much all of the very serious dialogue stuff, the investigatory stuff, all of that is going to be clips for everybody that's just be forewarned out there.

And it's about an hour and a half-ish movie.

It's not super long, but it does try to jam probably an entire series worth of stuff about the current times into this.

Absolutely, they do.

Yeah, and maybe possibly that's why some folks have an issue with it, but like I honestly cannot see how someone would watch this.

And I can see where they would say it's their least favorite of the three, that's fine.

But I can't see how anyone can watch this and bag on it and say it's a bad film.

Like I just, it doesn't compute with me.

Like I just don't see it.

Especially if you're a gothic vampire horror fan of Hammer already, you know, I would think that you would find some merit to it.

Yeah, and we'll get into it.

I'm sure there's some things that people may have found that are disappointed them or some general hurdles that were easier for you and I to get over than other folks.

Obviously you loving it as much as you do where this is your favorite of the three.

You're probably going to have a few more nicer things to say than myself.

That's fine. That's what we're here for.

And I'm just saying I enjoy the film.

But as we had mentioned when we were talking about covering this, I enjoy it on a very immature teenage boy kind of all I got to see boobies and we're in a girl school level.

Like it's all about the eye candy for me and that's that's part of it.

Yeah, I got a blu ray release of this specifically to do the review here because I had a ripped from DVD version of it that I just had acquired.

Let's just say it had sailed to me on the dread ship nefarious acquisitions is how I got my hands on it.

If everyone catch my drift, I do your special antenna.

Yeah, yeah, that's another colloquialism for such a thing.

Absolutely. But so when I was getting ready to cover this, I was like, you know what?

No, I need to give this as much of a fair shot as possible because, like I said, I'd seen it and I did enjoy the film before.

But I wanted to fully examine it.

So not only did I do the review with this using a blu ray, I played it on my projector that 120 inch diagonal screen that I always like to brag about.

And the film visually 100 percent alone is more than worth the money I spent on the blu ray. Absolutely.

It's beautiful. The transfer is absolutely gorgeous.

I'm glad to hear it. I'm impressed that you went the full money and bought the blu ray.

Oh, well, very impressive.

I I strive to own everything that is released on blu ray for Hammer.

And if it gets released in 4K, I will probably strive to own most of. But my baseline from now on is blu ray.

Anything that I have enjoyed, even just kind of enjoyed, I want to at least own on blu ray, because that's like owning a 16 millimeter print.

And then 4K for me is like owning a 35 millimeter print, like how it looks, essentially helps.

That's a great analogy.

Yeah. I mean, that's just for the modern age of the digital physical media collector.

We've gotten we've talked enough around this about, you know, we're beating around the bush a little bit here. Let's let's get into the film proper.

Sure. For the pirate radio edit version of this special, I have chosen two songs from the band Two Witches,

which is a sort of gothic metal Finland based band.

And I really only know of about like these two songs because they were on a compilation.

I don't know if they ever fully completed an album as two witches,

but some of the songs that they made as two witches went on to other bands or something along those lines.

I don't know exactly how it works, but they did a couple of songs about me Carla or Carmilla.

It's very much based on that. So we're going to have that kind of shoe.

Well, it's sort of like wrapping the whole episode up, if you will.

And then we'll also have another band that will have a song about Carmilla.

And then one of the songs may not really have anything to do with other than I just wanted to make a tongue in cheek kind of joke.

We'll see if we get there or not. But anyway, up first, Two Witches and the song The Hungry Eyes.

Right after this Legion Patreon ad.

This will keep you quiet. Oh, hi there. I didn't see you.

You call me cutting a new show. I'm Bo Ransdell and I'm one of the many creators you can find on Legion podcasts.

I said quiet. My fellow podcasters and I work hard to bring you the best in horror podcasting.

But that comes at a cost. Would still like to live deliciously.

Not that, but also, yes. No, what I'm getting at is that there are server costs, costs for good microphones and software for editing.

All the things that make our shows, you know, fun to listen to. And you can help.

If you're enjoying the shows on legionpodcasts.com or in the Legion network available on iTunes and Stitcher, just about anywhere you can download a podcast, really,

you can help us out and get a little something for your trouble at Patreon.com/legionpodcasts

For just two bucks a month, you get a pair of movie commentaries exclusive to Patreon.

And for five dollars, you can also join us for a monthly screening of a movie.

All of that available on Patreon.com/legionpodcasts

We appreciate it and thank you for listening. Now, back to the cutting room.

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

All right. I specifically picked that song because it feels like they wrote those lyrics based on the plot line of Lust for a Vampire.

I enjoyed it. Yeah, except for the fact that he says something about raven hair, but it's a goth band.

They can't sing the joys of blonde hair. They're just not allowed. That's not allowed in a goth band.

They'll kick you out. Absolutely. If you write a song called like Blue Eyed Girl in a goth band

and they don't have raven hair and like bloodstained lips, you can't write a song about a blue eyed girl.

It has to be like the raven haired blue eyed girl or the bloodstained lips of the blue eyed girl.

I think you've got it. Yeah. So you just insert those various lyrics, you know,

mix those things around and then boom, you've got yourself a goth song.

As long as you're singing about a vampire or whether or not Bela Lugosi is dead, you're good.

Spot on. All right. Well, let's get into Lust for a Vampire proper and let's see how well I can defend this for everyone.

On the first 20 minutes, the film opens up on a fortress upon a small mountain peak as we see in the title card that it is a hammer production.

It cuts to a small village in the days before industry as some village folks push a wagon through the town.

And we see who I assume is Johnny Alucard's ancestor macking on a tavern girl.

That leads to our first clip. Stay a while longer. I can't. My father gets angry if dinner is late.

Can I see you tonight? Perhaps.

All right. So after that clip, which is a very short but also very loaded bit of dialogue,

after that ends, we watch the young red riding hood lookalike woman wandering her way home.

She is spotted by a menacing figure in a black cloak that seems to single her out to an awaiting coachman.

This has all the earmarks of what we in the business call a bad omen.

The coach pulls up to the girl. She grins ear to ear and gets in.

Something happens to turn that smile upside down into a frown.

She screams lightning strikes as an old animation and the opening credits roll.

After the opening credits, we see the coachman roaring through a forested road with the unconscious maiden in it

and very much still alive, but very much unconscious.

We get a view of the ominous castle on the hill as the carriage pulls up to it

and the coachman carries the unconscious nubile villager into a chamber

with foreboding ritual music beginning as the score underneath.

The cloaked figure walks in, as well as what I can only refer to as a mutton-chopped,

Dracula-looking dude with an Anton LaVey Van Dyke goatee.

That's Mike Raven and they were actually, if I remember correctly, they were trying him out

as a Christopher Lee successor and it didn't quite work out.

But you'll notice in the scene that you're about to talk about, there's some close-ups of his eyes

and those are actually Christopher Lee inserts. It's actually his eyes.

Yeah, because they already did the effect for the bloodshed or the blood blister look

or blood vessel bursting look that they do on that.

Those were Scolera lenses, right, that they just painted those on and put over top of his eyes?

Or was that something he could naturally do where his eyes would just get bloodshed?

No, I think they treated him, yeah, they treated him.

Yeah, I'm not sure exactly how it works, but hey, if they already got the effect, they might as well use it.

There's a couple of scenes of stuff like that that they very clearly are using some hammer-only stock footage, I guess you could call it.

Sure, nope, nope, exactly.

Alright, so the coachman opens a stone tomb to reveal a severely desiccated set of skeletal remains

and the cloaked figure is handed a sacrificial-looking knife by who I will refer to from here on out as the Van Dyke Dracula.

The figure is a woman and she slashes the throat of the unconscious girl, filling a goblet

which is then dumped on the desiccated corpse after the pretty standard hammer satanic invocation

and thus begins the resurrection of another Karnstein vamp one would assume.

They cover the body for the magic of the edit and chant some more satanic invocation

when lightning strikes and fog and blood stains sort of emerge through the sheet while it lights up underneath the body.

This had a feeling of like a very 80s music video way ahead of its time for when this was filmed.

Yeah, it did.

They cut back and forth from hammered Dracula eyes of apparently Christopher Lee and T-Zone

to the body before the light goes out and the sheet changes ever so slightly in a cut.

You can kind of tell that it's not the same diaphanous see-through sheet. It goes a little more white.

And then the vampire rises from that stone tomb.

She is naked for the satanic resurrection as the day she was originally born.

They cut from this to the town square and our next clip.

Thank you, there's finally dialogue.

That looks good. So do you truly. Good enough to eat.

I must go.

No, there's no hurry.

A word with you if you please, Mr. Lestrange.

Yes, certainly. Sit down. Have a glass of wine.

No, thank you, sir.

I do not wish to appear inhospitable, sir.

There is no harm in normal times to have a joke with a serving girl, a laugh or two.

These are not normal times. You'll not find any young girl in this village talking to a stranger.

This is your first night under this roof.

It'll probably be the last.

Do you know what year this is, sir?

1830, as I recall.

Yes, it is 40 years to the day since they were last seen.

And before that, 40 years again.

Oh, really? Who?

Kahnstein's.

I don't think I know them.

That's their castle up on the hill.

Oh, yes, of course. I thought they were all dead.

We call them the undead, sir. They're vampires.

My God, you really believe it.

We know, sir.

Well, tell me more. I'm interested.

What you said, sir, about the Kahnstein's being dead is true.

But they still have the power to reincarnate themselves.

And now is the time for their return.

I tell you, sir, this village lives in a state of terror.

Terror of what?

They prey on young virgins. Put a spell on them.

Sometimes they woo them, slowly sucking their life away.

Sometimes they kill quickly.

One feast, one bite of their fangs.

Well, that's all right. I'm not a young virgin.

Oh, you can laugh, sir.

But men are amongst their victims, too.

I would not advise you to be enticed by any beautiful stranger.

Just give me a chance. That's all I ask.

Look, please.

I realize you all feel strongly about this, but it's a superstition.

You've grown up with it. You can't expect me to take it seriously.

I've told you all I know, sir. I can do no more.

Yes, and I'm very interested.

Well, that's why I came here, to get background for the books I write.

I'm a novelist. As you know, I write about these things.

Witches, vampires, black magic.

But it's a product of my imagination, and I know it.

Look, sir, there is one of the village girls missing now.

A good girl, not one that would just run off.

Would you like to tell her parents that it's just imagination

that she's disappeared?

Well, she could be anywhere.

Look, as you're all so terrified of Kahnstein Castle, I'll go up there.

After lunch.

I might even find one of those beautiful vampires waiting to entice me.

All right, so I feel that's valid. That's valid clipping today.

Yeah, absolutely it was.

I have an idea how to avoid this whole, like, virgin sacrifice thing

that they're talking about, but the judgmental and the zealots out there

are not going to like my solution.

Well, that's often the case when you've got a common sense solution.

If there are no virgins, they can't be sacrificed.

You just protect the wee ones until they become of age,

and as soon as they're of age, you just let them get laid

as soon as they want.

Yeah. No vampires. I mean, it's direct. I like it.

You also cut down on the satanic sacrifice aspect

of always having to get a virgin as well.

I mean, it just pretty much ruins all horror movies if you do that.

Yeah, it does.

That's why you see so few satanic rituals involving the need

for virgin sacrifices these days, because they're super hard to come by.

Yeah. I know Troy always talked about there would be many less horror films

if they just gagged the witch on the way to burning her.

It's kind of the same thing, right?

Yeah.

Can't cast that vengeance plot at the very end of the death life.

But why ruin the horror films that way, right?

No, agreed, yeah.

OK, so with the end of the clip, we have a skeptic and overconfident lad

on his way to confront a supernatural force.

This never seems to go well for this kind of character in a Hammer film, FYI.

So I'm hoping we don't get too attached to him if that's the case.

Yeah, this next scene, if I'm not mistaken, is one of my favorite in the entire film.

So also at the end of the clip there, that same young whippersnapper

is up at the abandoned castle as the previous convo quite literally echoes in his head.

I could just play that clip back, because it's everything the guy had to say,

only with like an echo plex that goes over top of it.

He finds what he thinks is blood and remembers the talk of insta-kills that happened,

and then he remembers the warning about men being on the menu

in what seems to be, regardless of the status of their virginity, they just get eaten.

And then we see what I'm going to refer to as the tender trap very seriously being laid out,

and that I would definitely be dead here if those two ladies approached me and were vampires.

Yep, me too.

The guy I assume at this point is our main character darts off to find a third woman waiting for him,

and it appears a cross in the background has no effect on these vampires, or supposed vampires.

And just as this dude is about to experience the little or full-sized death, depending upon what's going on

with these ladies coming at him, someone blocks the cock or fang in our next clip.

Girls!

Girls!

I don't know who you are, sir.

Richard Lestrange. Would that be the Lestrange's of Cork?

Yes.

Then your Lord Thurston's son be heir to the title.

Well, that's right. How did you know that?

A genealogy is my pet subject, I'm afraid. I apologize because I know I can be a bore on the subject.

That's why I brought the girls to the castle, just an excuse really to help me in my researches.

Fascinating family, the Kahnsteins.

Yes, I'm sure, but tell me about the girls.

Oh, that's Susan Pelly. She's from the Americas.

And that's Isabel Courtney, one of the Hampshire Courtney's. Interesting family.

Pelly.

That's Amanda McBride. Her father's a Scottish landowner. Nice girl.

Yes.

Oh, but forgive me. I haven't even introduced myself. Giles Barton. And there's the school.

Come along, girls. Into your places. Come along now, come along. Into your places, girls.

We've only been here three weeks. It's the new Vogue, you know, a finishing school on the continent.

It's quite a big project for us. I teach history and art. Miss Simpson is the principal. I'm her partner.

That's Janet Playfair, gym mistress. She was with Miss Simpson at Heathley Hall.

This is a new idea in physical exercise, based on Greco-Roman dancing.

Is it?

We'd better wait here. Miss Simpson doesn't allow strangers too near the girls.

The class will be over in a few moments and then I shall introduce you.

To Miss Playfair?

No, to Miss Simpson.

The author?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

Lord Thurston, my son.

Oh, well, then you will always be welcome at the school. But not, I'm sorry to say, your books.

They are not suitable for girls of an impressionable age.

Well, no, I suppose not. A bit frightening, perhaps. But if you'd like me to lecture on English literature at any time...

We have an English teacher arriving on Wednesday. Now, if you'll excuse me.

Yes, of course.

Miss Simpson?

Yes, Susan. What is it?

Miss Carstairs asked me to tell you there's a coach arriving.

Oh, thank you, dear. That would be the Countess Heritzen. She's bringing her niece, a new pupil.

Oh, don't go yet, Mr. Strange. I'm sure that you would like to meet the Countess Heritzen.

Oh, yes.

Okay. These Roman-style dresses hardly seem in keeping with the prudish times this film is supposed to take the place in.

Yeah.

Though, as a film viewer, I am not mad at this decision at all.

Not a bit. Not a bit.

Even the seemingly endless dance routine has a certain alluring dream-like feeling to it.

And it's... I kind of cut that out of the clip, but you can hear them sort of dancing still.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a nice bit of the film.

It feels something like it's out of, like, almost Wicker Man in the way that they're dancing.

It reminds me of, like, if the ladies jumping over the fire naked were actually just dancing in these Roman-style dresses and not doing the fire leap.

It was almost the same type of routine.

Yeah, it was very sensual, especially for a horror film at the time.

The carriage arrives, and that is pretty much the end of the 20 minutes as well.

So now we're at the 20-minute mark, and I would say that this is pretty much the opening of the film because the carriage that we're about to talk about is pretty much the change that drives the plot forward.

And this was all the character development and the setup of all the people that are about to deal with this vampire influx that's about to happen.

Yeah, that scene where he encounters the not-so-vampires, it reminds me. Have you seen A Bell from Hell? Are you familiar with that film?

I know the title, but I have not seen it. I should probably add that to my list. You're not the first person to mention that to me.

Yeah. Bell from Hell is good stuff. And in fact, the DVD that's out there looks pretty good.

There's no Blu-ray as of yet. Look into the history of that film, too. It's very interesting. It's tragic.

But anyway, there's a scene in A Bell from Hell that is similar to this one, and it in turn is taken directly from a short ghost story by Saki called An Open Window.

And you really think your protagonist is in trouble early when that happens. And it's also so dreamlike, kind of like the dancing around.

So probably my favorite scene of the whole film is right there.

Yeah, that actually kind of tracks for your taste in film. You really like the surreal, it seems like. That really speaks to you quite a bit in these types of films.

Yeah, I do enjoy when they toss it in.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I can see where there's certain aspects of this, like the thing that I commented on where the dresses don't match the style.

But everything about this already feels otherworldly when they're bringing you into it.

I mean, it would be like really if you're going to start picking little pieces of things that you don't like about this film or as reasons that you don't like.

There isn't anything in the film thus far in the first 20 minutes that I can think of that is any more outrageous or any more over the top or any more of a work just to put insensuality into the film in any way, shape or form than the other two of the three Karnstein films, particularly Twins of Evil.

Yes, I feel like that one is just a little bit more of a bridge too far where at least this one's rooting it in a more traditional Hammer story.

Now, I think the one thing that a lot of people would probably get up in arms with and be upset about is the attempt at a replacement Dracula because it's quite obvious when he does talk.

He even sounds like Christopher Lee when he's trying to do the invocation to the point where you almost think they dubbed Christopher Lee's voice over, right?

Yeah. Yeah, you would think so. But that's the same actor's voice though, right? The actor who is portraying the would-be Dracula. I believe it's Mike Raven. Yes.

Yeah. So it's kind of like a, okay, so we lost Richard Harris. Let's replace him with Michael Gambon in Harry Potter where it's like close enough to where if it's been a few years, you don't quite notice it at first.

You know, I could see where they're trying that, where they're getting as close to a proximity of what they had. It's certainly not the guy that replaced Bela Lugosi in Plan 9 from outer space for a lot of scenes after he passed away.

That's funny.

You know, it's not that egregious. Yes, it's outrageous that they would do it, but it's not unheard of for a movie company to pull the trick like that whenever they lose somebody.

I mean, they didn't recast Dracula like they would do James Bond or anything like that, you know, around the same era. But they would still have to try. I mean, he's a popular character.

Why is a Dracula-like figure now a Karnstein though? I don't know. It doesn't quite make sense.

Yeah, he was redubbed. I'll take that back. He appeared in a few horror films there through that period. He was dubbed. I thought that, so I looked. I wanted to make sure. Yeah, it said he suffered the indignity of being redubbed in it.

Well, it makes sense, right?

And it is to a Christopher Lee type voice, yeah.

Yeah, they're really pushing to try and see if they can find a way so they can push back on Christopher Lee's contracts. And they're like, no, you have to talk in this next film or we're going to overdub you and you have to move your lips.

Yeah, silly.

Okay, yeah, I can see where that would be the kind of egregious thing that would really, really upset people. And it's a tiny hurdle to get over. It's a two foot curb that you just got to pick up your foot and go with.

Like, he's not in it that much to where it's that egregious or that it's that offensive. And yeah, I can see where it would put you off. But I mean, there's ladies dancing in diaphanous Roman gowns that I'm pretty sure every time I was looking at the screen.

I saw everything.

All right, let's move on to the next 20 minutes, which the next 20 minutes starts with our next film.

Countess.

My niece, Mercala.

My partner, Mr. Giles Barton. And this is Mr. Richard Lestrange who celebrated all of her.

Countess.

Lord Thurston's son. Shall we take tea?

Mr. Barton's just a nasty little man.

You notice the way he's always standing around watching us when we're dancing.

Who was that man with him yesterday?

He was good looking.

I don't know. Tricia.

Do you know who Charles Barton was with yesterday?

I don't know.

How do you feel after your first day?

Very tired.

The dancing. Takes a little while to get used to it.

I shall never get used to it.

Sure you will in time. We do that.

Does that feel better?

Come along now, girls. Settle down. Stop all the talking.

Erica, will you go back to your own room, please?

Joanna, you've only got another five minutes till light's out.

I think I'll take that.

All right, girls. Into bed now. Quickly.

Go down to the river tonight for a moonlight swim.

Then you'll feel much better.

But Miss Playfair will be around.

That's easy. We'll put a couple of pillows in the bed.

She'll think we're asleep.

Yes. We'll go at midnight.

I thought, my God, they've got me.

It's just as the landlord said. It's the Kahnsteins come for me.

I backed away from this beautiful girl.

Come on, Adolf. Good boy. Come on.

And then there were three of them, all advancing from different directions.

And I tried to run away.

I asked you from three beautiful girls.

Okay, got a lot of things to discuss that happened during that clip.

First of all, find you someone that looks at you the way that

Makarla and that author are looking at each other, but without the threat of vampireism, of course.

But like that immediate heat that those two had, find you someone that looks at you like that.

Yes.

All right. So during the clip, there are various scenes of the ladies helping each other dress or undress,

massaging each other or just genuinely sitting around topless.

So thank you, movie, for all of this.

That is my favorite sequence by far in this film so far because I'm me.

It's a good one.

I freely admit it.

At the end of the clip at the tavern, the author is telling his story of the adventure of the day.

And I got to admit, he's not doing it just to try and make himself sound cooler.

He's having some humility while he tells the story.

And he's totally making himself the butt of the joke because he knows he had every, you know,

reason to be scared at that moment. And he's terrified.

And why not make it funny for everybody? Yeah.

While he's telling the story, a barmaid takes the tavern dog out to have him tied outside.

And as she brings him a plate of num nums, she is bewitched by what one would assume is a vampire stare.

As she succumbs to it and is in a trance, the author continues his tale as he is interrupted by a scream.

And we find the young barmaid most sincerely dead of exsanguination.

Yep. He's going to have to start believing it here pretty soon.

Before we can develop too much sadness over this, the film cuts to a young lady going skinny dipping.

And I feel my spirits immediately rise.

If you are in fact picking up what I am laying down.

The woman calls out for me Carla and is joined by her.

The pair exchange a sweet kiss and I blush a little as it happens

because I feel like I'm watching something I shouldn't be.

It cuts from this to the Van Dyke Dracula and then to the peeping Tom dude who runs the school.

And then finally our next clip.

Are you all set? Will it be eating, sir? Yes, I suppose so.

There's a gentleman over at that table, sir, who's travelled from England.

Well, don't put me with him.

Good day to you. Oh, good day.

Biggs, Arthur Biggs. How do you do? My name's Rich.

I know, sir, I know. And I was delighted to find you a guest here.

Won't you join me? I've read every one of your books.

Thank you. That's very kind of you.

I enjoy them, sir, I enjoy them. And I write myself.

Oh, I don't think I've read your work.

Because it hasn't been published, that's why.

My style is what the French call avant-garde.

Yes, well, it can be difficult.

I live in hopes, I live in hopes. There must be somewhere some enlightened...

Perhaps you'd be good enough to read something about it.

Well, yes, I'd be delighted. But I am actually rather busy at the moment.

And I expect you'll be moving on shortly.

No, no, no, I shall be staying in the locality at Miss Simpson's school.

At the school?

Yes, I do this work, of course, merely to finance my literary endeavour.

Oh, then you must be the new teacher of English literature.

I preach what I cannot practise.

Oh, my dear sir, I had no idea you were the Arthur Biggs.

Well, yes, I'd be delighted to read your work.

Perhaps we could even collaborate on something.

Collaborate?

Yes, I'm planning a new novel, but it needs a great deal of research.

In Vienna.

Poor chap, leg broken in three places, that is sad.

No doubt, but highly inconvenient.

But couldn't he have used a walking stick?

More serious than that, I'm afraid.

A tricky operation, you know, a hospital in Vienna. It's the only place.

Then when will he be back here?

Four weeks, three perhaps.

But I can't be without a teacher that long.

And so we come to the 19th century novel.

When at long last this comparatively new form began to reach the power and the grace of the age-old forms, the play, the poem.

Mademoiselle, perhaps you could tell us which contemporary novelist you prefer.

I'm afraid I don't know any.

Come, you must. German, if not English.

No, but I have read a lot of 18th century work.

Your education seems to have been neglected.

I'm sorry.

That's all right, you'll just have to have some personal tuition, that's all.

All right, let's see what the rest of you know.

The latter part of the 15th century was not a particularly well-documented period.

In fact, we are woefully short of records for that time.

However, we do know that during that time, when Styria was still quite a powerful country, that Kahnstein Castle was built.

We find our first mention of the Kahnstein family in the Styrian Chronicles of 1187.

This, as you know, is the equivalent of England's doomsday book.

The Kahnsteins have a most curious family history, not all of it documented by any means.

The first allusion to the Kahnstein family was possibly in the Styrian Chronicles.

Now, Mr. Lestrange.

Mr. Simpson.

I'm glad to see that you're taking an interest in the activities of the school at large.

But of course.

And I understand that you wish to become a resident here.

Well, I did think it might be a good idea to spend more time with the girls, marking their work and so on.

Very well. I will show you your room.

Thank you.

One of which is the question of the family motto.

Don't you have anything a little nearer the house?

It is excellent accommodation.

You will be sharing with Mr. Giles.

Better and better.

Thank you.

All right. Well, that covers most of the functionality of the school.

So let's kind of dig into this just a little bit.

OK.

The dude talking to the author in the clip reminds me of the interviewer in Tenebrae when he's like fanboying all over him.

It's kind of creepy. It's got that same like fucked up creepy dude vibes.

So it's probably for the best that he didn't go to this all girl school.

They got enough predators on after them there.

No, he ended up being, I think, a famous guy in comedy, perhaps, that actor.

I saw that he was notable for other things.

I don't recall off the top of my head, but he's like a known entity over there.

Now, I'd like to ask this to everybody, but feel free to go right ahead and answer it, Brad.

On a scale of one to James Franco, how creepy is it that our main character scammed his way into the school just to be around a girl he has a crush on that's not age appropriate for him?

Oh, it's James Franco, I would say.

Sounds like his MO.

It goes all the way up to James Franco, huh?

Yeah. I mean, not only in a gross kind of way, but he also was dishonest with the teacher that wanted to take the place and dishonest with the school.

I mean, it's just no good all the way around.

Yeah. So it goes all the way up to the scale of James Franco on that one, then.

Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah.

Also, kudos to the filmmakers for including leering looks of cleavage as it dollies about the rooms during all of those lessons that I played the clip on.

Yeah. I mean, it's sexy hammer.

Oh, yeah. This is really pushing the envelope for the era that it came out in.

It's right around the edge of when this was still a little trashy to have this much nudity in it if you didn't go full blown exploitation.

Yeah. And they were the gold standard for British horror, you know? So they were slow to adapt to the trend, which is why they got in trouble. But anyway.

All right. So after the clip, they cut away to the nighttime where the peeping Tom professor is doing some kind of intense research involving his vast collection of dusty old books.

And this just feels like it should be a clip.

God, it's the dust from those old books. I think you dig them up for me.

What? Books. Most important.

Why? What are they about?

History's research material.

Research into what?

The Kahnstein Castle. Fascinating.

I know what you're after.

What?

You're training to be a vampire.

You've been listening to village gossip.

It's not all gossip.

At the end of the clip, the peeping Tom professor just amazingly disappears when the guy turns away.

And then they cut from that to a vast nighttime landscape shot that ends on Micarla's would-be lover who is embracing an unknown individual with lustful overtures until she screams.

And they cut to a shot of the Van Dyke Dracula just smiling and grinning away at this.

And then they cut to Micarla returning to the school where she is intercepted by the author.

And that leads to our next clip.

Micarla, forgive me for calling you by your first name, but it has a sort of magic for me.

I must go.

No, please.

Don't go.

I've tried a hundred times to be alone with you.

I only came here to see you, to speak to you because...

Because I love you.

Forgive me, but I must tell you.

I've loved you since the first moment I saw you.

I thought I'd lived.

But before then I was dead.

No, no.

I was born at that moment.

I've only lived since with a new feeling, with the pain of loving.

Truly for the first time, I swear.

No, let me go.

Forgive me.

This is pegging the James Franco meter.

This is a student who is barely a teenager at a finishing school.

And this dude is trying to make overtures towards her as if she is a full grown woman that is age appropriate for him.

I know the times were different back then, but looking at it through these modern eyes, this dude's a fucking creep.

I'm just saying.

Yeah, I mean, he's caught his way in here to be close to the ladies and then immediately zeroed in on her.

I think that the moment that he met her, he became obsessed with her and it went into like a sort of almost Lolitas type situation where he knows everything about this that he's doing is wrong, but he's doing it anyway because he can't help himself, according to him.

Sure.

Alright, so the dude takes his shot, misses the mark, and Mikala caresses the side of his face lovingly and then kind of takes off.

We see the roommate's body dragged to a well by the man who appears to be the peeping Tom professor, and then they cut to the author strolling back to his cottage, seemingly unaffected by how horribly he blew his shot at romancing the lesbian vampire.

It cuts from this to reveal the peeping professor is in fact in league with the vampires as he dumps this fresh kill into the dried up well.

And might I add that was quite the effect of her body falling and then landing. It sells how senseless her death truly was as she is just an empty shell to be discarded for this inconvenience.

Yep, it looked good, didn't it?

Absolutely. I was really mesmerized by that and I was rather impressed, even blown up and in high definition set from 1080p to like, you know, the upscale for 2160 I think is what it is for 4k.

That sequence still worked, the matte work that they did on everything for her body falling, and then the obvious mattress covered in like fake dirt was still like the landing stock when she hit it.

You fell every minute of it.

Yeah, no, absolutely. And we're going to see it again. So they probably why they put some money into it.

Yeah, that totally makes sense. Why not use it more than once? You know, they could have discarded several bodies that way if they wanted to, until they start piling up across the mattress and then they would start landing on each other and hurting each other.

Too many heart attacks.

Absolutely. All right, so right after that, it leads into our eighth clip.

She must have said something.

No, Miss Simpson, I thought she was with some girls in another room. And I didn't realize until this morning that she'd not come back.

And you are sure she said nothing about getting out?

Quite sure, Manzel.

All right, Charlotte.

Oh, Mia Karloff. I'm quite sure this is just some foolish trick that Susan is playing, but I don't want to alarm the other girls. You understand?

I've told no one.

Then don't. For the time being, of course I mean. And if anyone should ask, then Susan is in the sanatorium. Suspected me.

Yes, Miss Simpson.

Miss Simpson, a girl has disappeared. You can't really believe it's a joke.

Of course I don't.

But there's no need to alarm the whole school.

What are you going to do?

Well, we must wait a while. She may come back. I've had more experience than you of this kind of thing. Some of these girls have wild natures. They pick up with some man.

Man? What man? We're miles from the village. The local people have never even been near here.

Susan's only just joined the school. We don't know that she hasn't been followed.

That's ridiculous. Susan is not that kind of girl at all. And in any case, if she had been abducted, as you seem to be suggesting, we should still inform the police.

Please. Certainly not.

We must.

I will not be told what to do in my own school. I did not say that she'd been abducted. I said there might be some sort of adventure. Susan will return of her own accord.

And if she doesn't?

Then I will report the incident.

When will you report it?

Janet, I must ask you to bear with me. I know my responsibility to Susan, to all the girls. But I have other responsibilities as well, to this school. My life savings have gone into it. It's my whole future.

I can't throw it away. Create some silly scandal when there might be a perfectly logical answer as to why Susan's disappeared.

Very well. Forty-eight hours. But no longer. Because if you don't report it then, I will.

The history of Kahnstein Castle can be traced back to beyond the Middle Ages. Incidents relating to the Kahnstein family have been recorded as early as the 12th century.

Ah, now here we have an interesting example. A young Kahnstein countess, Carmilla, born 1688, so far as I can make out, and died 1710. Probably of the plague which swept Styria at about that time.

The grave is, as you can see, somewhat neglected. So far as is known, none of the Kahnstein family is still living.

Now then. Carmilla. An unusual name, you might think. But during that period it was the fashion for a child to be given an anagram of her mother's name, or some other favored female relative.

Now then, let's see what, um, what could it have come from.

Marcella? Milaka? Mircana?

Perhaps the Ritzen family is related in some way to the Kahnsteins. Do you know if this is so, mademoiselle?

No.

Then I shall pursue my researches, and doubtless we shall find out.

Now, let's move on towards the castle itself. It has the most fascinating history.

Intriguing principally, not... come along.

Intriguing principally, not for what is said about it, but for what is left unsaid.

The villagers have the most extraordinary stories about...

Mircana. Meet me here tonight is important.

I've found something out. You must come.

Schoolmaster. Ridiculous occupation. Don't know why a man does it.

Oh, it has its rewards.

What rewards?

They're not always clearly visible, I admit. But don't you think you should curtail it?

No, that's all right. Keeps me fit.

One of my class wasn't there this morning. And why wasn't she there?

Susan?

Yes.

She has a slight touch of fever, I believe. She's in the sanatorium.

I have a slight touch of fever myself.

You'll get over it. And now, if I may suggest.

A long sleep would do you much more good.

Perhaps you're right. I will close my eyes for a few minutes.

I'm going for a stroll.

It's not a bad idea, actually. I might come with you.

Seems the would-be hero of this story is on what I'd like to refer to as the Matt Syop workout plan,

in that somehow drinking keeps him thin.

Yeah, yeah, apparently so, because you don't ever see him eating easy drinking.

That must be how he gets fit. He keeps all of his calories coming from alcohol.

It's a liquid diet.

Yeah, so apparently blackout drunk is the levels he needs to be at to keep him fit, because he passes out right away.

Boom.

They cut from this to the cemetery as the peeping professor is hovering over the Carmilla grave with a lantern.

Very coolly lit, very coolly shot, very cool.

I love the whole sequence here in this cemetery. It feels very BAVA, but in technicolor.

It's a high compliment.

Yeah, it's Black Sunday BAVA is what it felt like and looked like in those moments, absolutely.

Alright, so she approaches, he senses her as she gains closer, and the professor starts monologuing, so yeah, that's our next clip.

Yes. You had to come, didn't you? Because I know everything.

I know who you are and why you're here. That's what I found out this afternoon.

It was here at the grave when I saw the name Carmilla. I wrote it down. You saw Carmilla Mirkala.

I went back. I checked my histories. I knew what I was looking for.

A portrait of Carmilla Kahnstein. Died 1710, 120 years ago.

Do you know who the portrait was of, Mirkala? The portrait of Carmilla Kahnstein.

It was you. You.

This reveal seems as though Mirkala actually had no idea who she was from this, and in case we forgot the resurrection scene that was 35 minutes-ish ago,

they replay it to show the realization dawning on her as somewhat of a flashback, one would assume, and that hits us right at the 40-minute mark, so we're kind of getting towards the point of no return in this.

This is not necessarily a halfway mark, but it's definitely the mark of the point of no return where the characters are going full evil and doing what they're about to do.

Yeah. Malarca is my favorite Carmilla derivative. I think that's one they should have used. Just rolls right off the tongue, Malarca.

Okay. I would actually like to take this moment in the 40-minute mark here where we're just kind of taking a break from the story to sort of discuss things, and I'm aware of Mirkala, Carmilla, and then I know the third one.

That was the one that you just said that you think is a little bit easier to pronounce.

Oh, Malarca. No, I'm making fun of it. Malarca. Ridiculous.

Okay, but either way, I know that there's like three of them that get primarily used, but I have never actually read the source material story that this comes from to really know how many aliases that there were, and I'm just kind of wondering if this is sort of like a Dr. Acula situation.

Well, you know, that's a great question. I wish I knew, but I did speak with a friend of mine who is not only a Hammer horror film expert, but also loves Carmilla, and he would know, and that's why you should have invited him on your podcast, but instead you invited me.

Yeah, but we're here to defend this film, not try and explain how Carmilla Mirkala works. I was just curious if maybe you knew. That was going to be my question time.

I've not read it either. I've got like four or five copies of Carmilla in various books, and I've not read it, so I feel like I'm calling myself out there. It's a lot of places, Carmilla.

Yeah, well, that's fair. It's not like I had actually ever read the original story of the Wardalac, but you guys did that amazing episode covering pretty much all of the appearances of a Wardalac in pop culture.

Thank you. Yeah, I know that one. We enjoyed that. That one's not quite as easily available, but you can still find it.

Oh yeah, that's one of the earliest episodes, and that's where I fell in love with the show. The attention to detail you guys paid to that, absolutely.

Yeah, we used to have ideas like that.

Yeah, well, once you do podcasting after a while, it wears you down and you sort of get tired of the extra work that you have to do for a hobby that's just supposed to be fun.

Yeah, I mean, we're planning next year, being recharged, so yeah, it's exciting. Meanwhile, I get to talk to you, and that's exciting as well, so I talked to him today and told him that we were recording, and he was very excited.

Awesome. Well, I'm going to keep pimping out the "Hello, this is The Doom Show" as much as I possible, even in the middle of our review. I'm doing it. I don't care.

I appreciate that. I know he does, too. Well, let's get back into the story, because that's what the folks really came here to hear. So the next 20 starts with her approaching him as he backs up.

He pulls a cross on her to stop her. It is effective, and then he inverts it, shocking no one that has listened to this musing weasel, and that leads to another monologue and our next clip.

Stay with me. I have reversed the cross. You see, I've studied your magic. I know the black art, and I want only to know more and more. I meant no harm to you, I swear.

I want only to worship you, to be your servant, to be a servant of the devil.

He will accept me, I'm sure. I have proved my worth. I could have told them what I knew about you, but I stayed silent.

I found the body of the girl you killed. I said nothing. I got rid of it myself down the well.

I will do whatever you demand of me. So sad.

At the end of the clip, she goes in for the bite, gently, and we watch her feet on him as he seems to be near death from the blood loss. She leaves him to crawl after her and beg for the opportunity to be her servant.

This display of debasement has no effect as she just drifts away into the mist, and then we see the Van Dyke Dracula smiles at this display in another quick cut.

They cut from that. They cut from that too. A carriage arrives during the day, so we should assume it is the following day from this event, and there's more dialogue in our next clip.

I was on my way to Vienna, and I thought I'd take the opportunity of paying you a visit. We're always delighted to see you at school, Countess.

Oh, poor Giles. But what could have happened? Was it an accident?

We'll soon know. It's fortunate that I was travelling with my personal physician.

Oh, so very fortunate. The local doctor's sure to gossip. We simply can't stand a breath of scandal.

There will be no scandal.

Doctor?

A heart attack.

Oh, hello.

I'm sorry to disturb you.

Oh, that's all right.

I want to talk to you.

Well, then you'd better come in.

I just didn't know who else to go to.

What's the trouble?

I don't really know. I'm sure something's terribly wrong.

Yes, well, it's always upsetting when somebody dies. I expect you knew Giles quite well.

No, that was horrible, but I don't know if I can explain really. It's about Susan.

Susan? What's the matter with her, apart from a fever?

That wasn't true. Just a story, so no one would ask questions about where she was. She's disappeared.

Disappeared?

She hasn't been seen since the night before last. I wanted to go to the police, but Miss Simpson begged me not to.

I don't want to harm the school, but oh, I don't know whether it's my nerves. Giles' death somehow seems more than a coincidence.

And I have this horrifying premonition someone else is going to die.

Oh, come on now. You're just letting your imagination run away with you.

I suppose so. If only I could rid myself of this idea that Susan's disappearance and Giles' are connected in some way.

Well, Giles had a heart attack. There's nothing sinister about that.

Susan, that's different. Doesn't anyone know where she might have gone? Who shared a room with her?

Mia Carla.

Mia Carla?

She says she knows nothing.

Well, there could be some simple explanation. You don't want to make a fool of yourself, do you?

I don't care about that. I'm too worried about Susan. I told Miss Simpson I'd wait until tomorrow, but then I'm going to the police myself. Will you come with me?

Oh, I don't know. I need more time to think.

Please.

We don't want to be over hasty, do we?

Tomorrow?

Yes.

I must get back.

I mind nobody sees you.

Miss Simpson would have a heart attack. Thank you.

For what?

For listening.

The doctor is very clearly our Van Dyke Dracula.

Yes.

And our hero author here also seems to find another suitable match with the female teacher, and one, might I say, that is actually age-appropriate, and more age-appropriate for him.

Yes. He is so stupid, because I love Susanna Lee so much.

Oh, she's absolutely adorable. If that's the age-appropriate teacher, the name of that actress, yeah. Absolutely adorable.

And the character that she is playing just seems like she would just be a wonderful person, but this guy is a moth to a flame with Carmilla.

Yep, he is. He's a moron.

Mia Carla, I should say.

Malarca.

Malarca. Now that I know that's a joke, I really get into it. I think it's funny.

Yeah, there you go, yeah.

At the end of the clip, the author goes through the drawings and sketches of the dead professor and starts to look at the book collection, and the only thing missing from everything that they showed is a copy of the Malleus Maleficarum, or maybe the Witch's Hammer, one of the two.

Dude had that occult studies down, man, and they actually made sure that they put in some books that were legit occult stuff, man. They made sure they did their research on this, I'll give them that.

Yeah, they did.

Our author has the Carmilla Mia Carla thing figured out as he finds the reference material, the peeping corpse professor left out carelessly, and one has to ask themselves while viewing this, what will this man do with such information at hand?

We already know that he will break all sorts of moral and social value contracts in order to get what he wants from Mia Carla just to be near her, so, eesh.

Well, our guy answers that question by beelining it back into the school and finds his way to the headmistress's office, where he passes through the room where the professor's corpse lays in state, and he finds the vampire bite mark upon his throat.

Yeah.

They cut from this shock to the ladies all sitting silently and studying as the teacher calls Mia Carla over, that is our next clip.

A work on the 18th century is excellent. Quite frankly, your knowledge of writers of this century is deplorable. I must see you. Talk to you. It's important.

I can't.

Why not?

Please.

There are also a number of grammatical errors. I think you should know that I've been going through Giles Barton's papers. He'd been making some extensive researches into the Kahnstein family. Quite fascinating, really. I thought you might be interested. When? Tonight. At the castle.

Thank you, ma'am.

She returns to her seat. They cut from that to the ladies frolicking outside and Mia Carla looks rather dour. They cut from this to the Kahnstein castle and dialogue and our next clip.

Mia Carla.

You have something to tell me?

Yes. I love you. Now please listen to me for God's sake. It's not irrelevant. To me, it's the most important thing in life.

Tell me.

What?

Those notebooks. What was in them?

Your name?

Just my name.

Mia Carla and Marcylla and Carmilla.

Carmilla?

Yes, Carmilla. Carmilla Kahnstein. And there was a portrait of you. And books of black magic and histories of the Kahnsteins, evil histories. And more.

More?

Yes.

What more?

Mia Carla, explain it to me. That's all I ask.

It's quite simple. I am a Kahnstein. Our family changed its name. If you've read the books, you'll know why. That's why I look like Carmilla. And that's why my name is Mia Carla.

What else do you want to know? If I'm a vampire, is that what you believe? Is the famous writer Richard Lestrange a peasant at heart? Do you believe in your own mystery and imagination?

Yes, I do. I believe that things exist which are unknown to us. I believe there is a power of evil as well as good. I've read and studied. I spent the whole of last night going through Giles' researches. And believe me, they are powerful evidence.

Evidence? Of what?

That you are a vampire.

You say that. And tell me you love me.

Prove to me that you're not. Love me.

No, no, no.

I must, I must.

Why? If I were a vampire, then you would die?

Yes.

Just like the edict of crazy is always good in bed, apparently to this guy, untapped evil is always good in bed.

There you go. You got it figured out. It's been a work in his plan.

They embrace and she resists biting him. You can notice that for a moment. She almost does it, but just resists biting him. Then she is disrode by him and he goes in for some neck kisses and some good old fashioned titty sucking as the camera zooms into her face. And it appears that he went whistling in the dark too, which is very, very salacious for Hammer because he just nowhere to be seen when she's standing there naked. But as soon as she drops to her back, he emerges from below her navel. So where the fuck was he when that was happening?

Some music video tricks.

Yeah. And they get after it in some very vanilla and boring missionary sex as the beast inside of her is going to get him, get him. That's for all of you typo negative fans out there.

He sleazes all over her as we realize he just blackmailed a vampire into fucking him. And not only that, one that he thought up until this point was really an underage girl.

Right. He stepped up another run in the ladder.

Yeah. Like he's, he's pegging out the James Franco meter and coming back around to like almost like Klaus Kinski levels of creepy.

Yeah, he's all he's pegging it out at Klaus Kinski levels of creepy at this point.

There you go.

Not good.

He's broken the Franco scale.

Before we can process any of this horrific shit that we're seeing on screen, they cut from this to the teacher who is of age and an appropriate age match for that matter, pacing in the author's cottage.

He comes in with that. I just got laid and almost died glow about him. And that leads to our next clip.

The door was open.

Oh, that's all right.

Well, well, what you promised to give me an answer tonight. That's why I've been waiting for hours.

I'm sorry. Yes, I have thought about it. I think you should say nothing.

That's right. I think it's all in your imagination.

About Susan disappearing.

About any sinister construction you put up on it. Miss Simpsons had a lot of experience. I'm sure that she's right.

I don't see what difference it makes even if she is right. If Susan did go off with some man and I don't see how she could possibly have done.

You don't think the police should have been informed or her parents at least.

What's the matter with you? You seem different. The last day or two you've changed.

Well, that's ridiculous.

I thought of you as someone honest and courageous when you first came here. I thought I could go to you and there was no one else.

The heartbreak in her eyes and the fact that her eyes are on the verge of tears and the way her voice quivers at the end there.

And then the fact that they somehow like the verge of tears then breaks into one single solitary flow of tear down from one eye as she's saying this at the end.

It's just a wonderful little bit of acting that they put in there and everything just meshed together perfectly for that little cry.

Like one stream to come down just perfectly as she turns around and says that line.

It's like soap opera style where you would see them dump something in their eye first and then it would run out as they turn to the camera.

But no, it's just like kismet the way that it happens. It does. It happens really well.

It's a beautiful way to put it. I felt every ounce of that loss for sure that she just explained there where it wasn't so much that she was just in love with him.

She literally thought he was going to be the only person she could turn to for some kind of guidance or help that was of the same age or an adult so that she would know what to do.

But he fails her miserably here and that's really where her heart is breaking.

Yeah, that's a great point. Absolutely. You feel you feel sorry for her.

She knows he is gone and she is alone in her concerns for the safety of not only the missing girl who we know is dead but the rest of the ladies of this finishing school.

The author drools over the Carmilla portrait once again and lays himself down to sleep and that is the end of the first hour.

We're at a point of no return for this character. There's nothing good coming from him from now.

So we're kind of in like the break and there's like a final 35 minute part. Is there anything you'd like to kind of add in for your notes in here?

No, I think you've covered it very well. We've done some talking back and forth so I think I'm good right here.

Alright, so why don't we just go ahead and hit this 35 minutes that are left and we'll just marathon it and then we'll hit all the thoughts at the very end for the defense and everything.

Okay, sounds good to me. Alright, so the final 35 begins with a ripple dissolve into a dream of the age appropriate teacher with visions of Michala including her topless.

So thank you movie. Yeah, this continues into the dead professor before ripple dissolving into the author asleep again and cuts to the po po in our next clip.

Why, Miss Simpson? Why, why, why? If I realize now, Inspector. You realize all the time, Miss Simpson. You're an intelligent woman.

At least I assume so from your profession. A young girl was left in your charge. Now she is missing since three days.

But I have to do, I have to think of the effect on the other girls. This was a police matter. She may be dead now, lying in a ditch somewhere with her throat cut.

God, please. If it had not been for Miss Playfair coming to see us this afternoon, we should still be in ignorance.

You say you are worried about the other girls. So am I. About their safety. I'm sorry.

Very well. Now this is a police matter and quite a serious one too. This girl is a visitor here, a guest in this country. There could be serious political consequences.

Has the family been told? Then you will write a letter to them immediately. I said immediately, Miss Simpson. And you will dispatch it, Miss Playfair.

And then there is the death of this Mr. Barton. This too should have been reported to the authorities. My clerks have investigated and they find no report of his death.

You say he is buried here. I should like to see the death certificate. Where is it? Can I read the name of this doctor? Dr. Frauham.

I do not know him. Personal physician to Countess Heritzen. I do not know her. Mr. Raymond Pele. He is the girl's father?

Yes, he is an American. He is living in Vienna at the present time. I see. Now, I have the details of the girl's disappearance from Miss Playfair.

Miss Playfair, is there anything you would wish to add? You did search the grounds. Here, around the castle.

Yes, thoroughly. Both Miss Simpson and I and Mr. Barton. Mr. Barton? I thought this was kept as a secret.

Giles was my partner. We started this school together. I see. Where was his body found? I can show you. Please.

You are late. I should not have come. Why not? You know why. No, I do not. When we loved each other that night, I was so happy.

But since then, you have avoided me like the plague. You will not talk to me. You will not even meet my eyes in the classroom.

I cannot. Mirkala. No, do not question me. I cannot explain. I do not want to.

Mirkala, if you do not love me, for God's sake, just tell me. I cannot bear the agony of not knowing. Mirkala, tell me.

What? That you do not love me. Say it. Say it.

And then, one of them discovered the body underneath her. I see. Thank you, Miss Playfair. I will look around by myself.

Well, if you want... Yes, thank you. I must go now. No, please, do not go. But you do not understand. My aunt is coming this afternoon.

The Countess? Yes. Mirkala, let me talk to her. No. Well, I only thought that I... It would not be correct.

I... Richard, you must swear to me never to speak to her or to speak of our love. Mirkala, this is the 19th, not the 18th century.

No. Swear to me. All right, I swear. But only if you kiss me again.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am to you. I felt it was an impertinence. Of course not.

I just did not know to whom I could turn. You've been so kind through all these terrible troubles.

You must not fret so much. So a police inspector has come here. I suppose they must do their work. But he won't make any trouble, I assure you.

During the clip, the cop fashions a rope to climb down the well while all this other drama is going on.

This is a nice mix of mystery movie grit where the policemen have to make up for a shit ton of lost time.

But no of the deaths of the nubile ladies in town and the disappearance of Mirkala's roommate are all connected.

He knows this right away. He puts it all together and he knows what's going on.

And he is super sus and on the trail of the Karnstein's also like he knows something must be going on with that.

Because well basically because of the personal physician that's involved.

Now I know he doesn't know that they're the Karnstein's because they're going by a different name right now.

But he knows what's up and he knows what's going on because he knows that the doctor can't really be a doctor.

He's never heard of this woman who you know this lady that is supposed to be there.

So he's just basically very suspicious of them.

Ordinarily I would have a problem with that because obviously he is making logical jumps.

But this is just basically because he's only now entered the film so they're going to push him forward.

And he's going to do some stupid shit and take some risks because this is a hammer film.

He's a police officer. He's got to make up for lost time.

Yep he's going to get going.

One of those risks of course the fact that he climbs down into the well because it was close to where the professor was found dead.

It's a great sequence with a decent amount of classic horror dread because he can be left there to die at any moment and powerless without someone to watch his back.

And that leads to our next clip.

He was such a horrible man. He treated me as though I was some kind of criminal.

He bullied me. I only tried to do what I felt was right for the girls and for the school.

I'm sure you have. Now don't worry about him anymore.

He's searching the grounds now.

What is there for him to find?

Letter?

What letter?

To Mr. Pelly, Susan's father. But he insisted.

Has it been dispatched?

Yes. Miss Playfair left for the village immediately.

Scandal! I shall be ruined. That man Heimerich is determined to ruin me.

Don't concern yourself about Inspector Heimerich.

You must write another letter to this Mr. Pelly telling him his daughter has been found dead.

But there should then be no further inquiries and as long as you enclose a death certificate.

But how? I don't...

How? You mean what did she die of? I would say of...

A heart attack.

I thought at least you would help me.

And I keep telling you you're letting your imagination run right.

Everyone keeps telling me.

But Inspector Heimerich didn't think so.

Didn't he? Well we've heard precious little of his so-called investigation.

And I can guess why. Countess Heritzen pulling strings in high places no doubt.

Now what the hell she got to do with it?

I'm beginning to wonder. Ever since her precious niece turned up at the school.

Don't bring me a Carla into this. I'm warning you.

You're warning me. I'm warning you. You're besotted with her. Just like Giles was.

You know that? He was always creeping around after her trying to sketch her.

He couldn't keep his eyes off her. That's enough.

And I'll tell you something else. Susan was infatuated with her too.

Just what kind of filthy accusations are you trying to make?

I'm saying that Giles is dead and I suspect that Susan is as well.

I'm saying I don't trust the Countess. She's got Miss Simpson in her power and it seems the police as well.

And I'm saying that unless somebody does something about it soon there's going to be another tragedy.

And if you want to know who I think is going to be the most likely victim it's you.

Then it's I who should worry, not you.

Accept that I happen to love you. But don't let that worry you.

You've been living in another world lately. Never even noticed it.

But if you're blind to everything else, don't be blind to what might happen to you.

Richard, please don't be a fool.

During this clip the thing I said was going to happen or could happen actually happens to the cop when the Van Dyke Dracula cuts the fucking rope on him.

This talk of the age appropriate teacher comes off as super catty in this.

And just like a woman trying to bad talk her rival and could have probably been handled better.

But at the time that they're doing it at, yeah, she's got to fall in love with him because again, we're out of time.

So her actions in the future aren't going to make sense if she doesn't confess her love here.

And it feels it does feel a little rushed here in the last 35 minutes.

They do take their time pacing out very evenly. A wonderful story.

But when we hit this 35 minute mark and they go like, got to keep it like at an hour and 90 ish minutes, you can tell that like they had way more story they wanted to tell and develop over time than what they had room for.

Yeah, so it's the jam pack a lot in here at the end a lot.

After the clip, she splits the cottage and is spotted by the Van Dyke Dracula as she makes her way into the school.

She finds Mircarlo waiting for her as she says her name.

She is mesmerized by the vampire and led up the staircase where a massive cover up has to be underway with this attack about to happen.

Also, there is a possibility of lesbian vampire play.

So either way, I am super paying attention right now.

The vampire is thwarted when she opens the top button of the age appropriate teachers bodice only to discover there is a cross upon her neck.

And we all know that she is saved. The age appropriate teacher realizes the power of the cross upon her neck and uses it to ward off the vamp completely.

After this sequence and seeing that happen, I so want this teacher to get all Peter Cushing up in this shit right now.

I know she doesn't, but I've always wanted that where I want her to take in that role of the vampire slayer because she's really good at it so far.

Yeah, she's so good. I think in this movie where this moron that everyone loves, I don't understand it. I really don't.

But yeah, she takes charge with the cross.

That's going to lead into our next clip.

No, Miss Simpson, it is not satisfactory at all.

And now I find my daughter was missing three days before you even considered writing to me.

I tried to explain.

Unfortunately, I was away when that letter arrived.

But then I hear from you that my daughter's been found dead.

I'm not going to mince my words.

You don't say passed away except when someone's had a good life and moved on.

My daughter was a healthy girl. I don't believe she had a heart attack.

But the doctor.

The doctor? Who the hell is this doctor?

The moment I got the news, I tried to get in touch with him.

Naturally, I want to know how a thing like this could happen.

I even had experts trying to find him everywhere in Vienna.

They couldn't even find his name.

I don't understand you, Mr. Pele. What is it that you're suggesting?

I'm not making suggestions. Just statements of fact.

One, I have no proof that my daughter is dead.

Two, given that proof, I want to know how she died.

I don't accept that certificate as evidence.

I want to know exactly what happened to her.

What can I do?

You don't have to do anything, Miss Simpson. You've done quite enough.

You have no right to have my daughter buried without waiting for instructions from me.

But you said yourself you'd gone away.

I was soon contacted. The point is I am not satisfied.

And I don't like having doubts in my mind.

Now, I brought with me Professor Hertz. He's a pathologist.

And I have here authority for exhumation.

I just don't understand anymore.

It's been like a nightmare, grainy and ticking.

But we don't know where Susan is.

But we do. You had so much trouble.

I didn't want to worry you.

I had everything taken care of for you.

Open it.

This clip is another highlight of the film.

That was a really powerful sequence, man. I really enjoyed that.

Especially the acting of the upset father.

That guy just rips your freaking heart out and stomps on it because you just feel so horrible for him.

One thousand percent.

I also really enjoy the vampires playing manipulative games like this as well.

Where they're using their glamour powers or the mind control powers to just basically manipulate people.

And maybe try and get rid of the suspicion that's on them.

I don't know. That glamour or that mind control aspect is always my favorite vampire power when it gets used properly.

And I think this film does that well.

Yeah, no doubt.

So at the end of the clip, the body is fully exhumed as we kind of heard there at the very end when it was fading out.

And the father looks at his daughter's face and turns away in horror.

As you would, she looks absolutely ghastly here.

The makeup, the context that they used, however they made her look like this.

That is a very realistic dead body for the time frame this film was made in.

Yeah, no doubt.

The doctor steps in next and finds the vampire bite.

Cue the shock stinger cord for the soundtrack.

And they then heft the body away on a cart.

We are shown a mega zoom in shot of the Van Dyke Dr.

Acula.

See what I did there? Because he's been a doctor this whole time, apparently.

Uh-huh. Yeah, very clever.

And then it cuts to our pent ultimate clip.

Miss Simpson is quite exhausted. The doctor says she must rest.

The doctor? Your doctor?

Yes.

Who signed my daughter's death certificate?

Yes.

The one who I find is not registered in Vienna.

Dr. Frohheim does not practice in Vienna.

I have my doubts, madam, whether Dr. Frohheim should be allowed to practice anywhere.

My daughter had severe bodily injuries.

Of course.

These were not mentioned in the death certificate, nor in the letter to me.

There's been a deliberate evasion of truth.

And you say of course.

Your daughter died when her heart failed.

That is what Dr. Frohheim said.

And it is for your expert to disprove it.

Her other injuries were caused when she threw herself.

She what?

Threw herself from the top of Castle Kahnstein.

Suicide is not a pleasant word, Mr. Pelley.

My God.

And in my opinion, Miss Simpson was quite right in her attempt to shield you

from more grief than was necessary and the school from unpleasant gossip.

Suicide, but why?

You are divorced from your wife, I believe.

Yes, but...

I understood that Susan's home life was not entirely happy.

It's not true. I don't believe it.

I won't believe it.

The theory is perfectly consistent with my examination.

A heart attack, probably during the fall.

A quite usual occurrence.

And there are certain reprehensible aspects of the matter that goes without saying.

I should certainly like the chance of a word with this Dr. Frohheim.

Whoever he may be.

But there were these marks on her throat.

I can give no explanation of them.

Tell me, Doctor.

Do you think there's any truth to these stories that they tell?

Vampires?

Oh, I know it sounds ridiculous.

But I'd be willing to believe anything before I'd even imagine that Susan could...

You did say there was a great loss of blood.

Understandable in the circumstances.

If they were the circumstances.

Mr. Perry, I told you.

I cannot with certainty say that your daughter died for any reason, but...

that her heart stopped beating.

They're arguing about it now.

But there's no argument about the marks on the girl's neck.

Fritz saw them himself.

There's a schoolmaster, too.

Heart attack, they said.

There's evil in that castle and always will be.

I can do nothing.

We are talking about matters beyond science.

About the dark imaginings of men.

About metaphysics.

The nature of good and evil.

You don't need a doctor.

You need...

This looks a comfortable enough place.

I've had my fill of journeying for today.

Oh, my Lord.

As featured in the clip, the village people are all worked up and ready to get the pitchfork and torch parade underway.

Do their thing.

The clip ends on a shot of the author going mad and rifling through the papers in the professor's cottage.

He leaves and they cut back to the village folk preparing to stake and burn their way through the vampire clan.

We then see the author either going jealous ape shit or just ready to battle the vampire as she is feeding on a gorgeous woman who I thought at first was somehow the age-appropriate teacher,

but was not exactly looking at her face as I am a pig and she was topless.

And by the way, thank you.

Sure.

You're welcome.

He storms off and we see the teacher is alive and well, then cut back to the nude woman being fed on.

Again, thank you, movie.

We cut back to the pitchfork and torch parade now with holy man sanctioning it.

And they cut from this to the author attempting to drink away his feelings and finding that all of his pain go bye bye juice is gone.

Then we cut to the holy sanction death of the carnsteins in our final clip.

You must be tired, my Lord.

Yes, Mr. Pelly, I am tired, but to exercise evil spirits is part of my holy duty.

And there are no spirits more evil than those of the carnsteins.

What's going on, for God's sake?

I thought you were up at the school.

No, I was on my way to the inn.

You won't find anyone there.

All the villagers are on this march.

March? Where to?

To the castle.

What for?

To find the carnsteins for their graves, dig up their bodies and stake their evil hearts.

It's horrible.

Yes, but they are agents of the devil.

They can only live on human blood.

Is there no other way?

None. Only a stake through the heart or decapitation will serve.

But there are no carnsteins. They're all dead.

Not their spirits. They take on the form of others and no one knows them.

Well, then how will you?

At night, sated by the blood of their victims, they return to their graves.

Player will find them.

Oh my God.

During the clip, the pitchfork and torch parade is spotted by the author who understands what is about to happen.

And as you heard, he goes up to talk to one of the village folks to see what's going on.

And then they are spotted by the age-appropriate teacher who gives pursuit as well.

Because the movie's got to get moving here.

That's why everybody's on the march.

We also see the Van Dyke Dr. Acula knows the villagers are on their way, so he makes his way down to the main floor.

The teacher pleads for Makala's life or the author and teacher pleads for Makala's life.

As the parade continues, the carnsteins are about to hop into a coach to flee and are too late as the pitchfork and torch crew arrive.

The coachman vamps out and guns it at the crowd.

He does okay keeping them at bay with his horse whip but is subdued and staked with a decent, appropriately colored blood spatter.

I'm so used to hammer films having the Kensington gore which looks kind of like milk with slight red food coloring in it or like a red tempera paint.

This is one of the first times I've noticed in a hammer film where the blood looks like Herschel Gordon Lewis authentic.

Yeah, it's pretty good stuff. It's different. It changes.

He dies and the crowd is riled up to burn down the castle.

The priest tries to stop them from burning things because he says that will not stop them, that it has to be a stake so the vampires decide to let themselves be cooked alive.

Why not?

Yeah, it's not really going to kill him. It's just going to hurt like hell, right?

Yeah, and then 40 years down the road, somebody else could pull with him.

The author runs into the inferno and when Mikala tries to send him away, Dr. Acula uses the power of his van dyke to force her to attack him.

And she does... Go ahead.

Oh, I just said ugh.

And as she does this, a burning timber drops into her heart as she then is burnt to a crisp and also just starts rotting as if she's supposed to.

But she's like half rotten, half burnt and then it kind of stops so it makes you wonder if she could still return.

And if they did that on purpose for the hopes of maybe making a sequel.

Who knows? Probably.

The author sees this is a true vampiric death or so he believes it to be and decides to die in the blaze as well.

The father of the dead student for some reason goes running in and drags him out after and we see a very gory scorched corpse of Mikala.

And the age appropriate teacher sees the author off as they hopefully end up together and he stops being such a fucking creepy Kowskinski slash James Franco type.

Then the holy man says his would be holy incantations as the castle burns in the background.

Monsters dead? Question mark movie over.

Roll credits.

Roll credits.

Goodness. OK so I can see the forced want to be Christopher Lee thing can probably be a bridge too far for some people.

I can see where they would get really upset with that.

Absolutely. But everything else about this story is just straightforward hammer.

I mean it's every bit as good as any of the other Karnstein movies.

I mean it's certainly better than Vampire Circus and that has some aspects that are similar to this where it was one of the later made ones and tried to push the envelope of the sleeves a little bit at the same time.

And maybe kind of missed the mark.

Yeah I mean I'm not so there are people that are crazy about Vampire Circus but I have never been one of those people.

So maybe they would be the flip side of the coin here.

But I've always really liked this movie because there's no big name in it.

You know there's no Peter Cushing there's no Christopher Lee.

And it's so much different than the other two as far as just like I mean it's an idealized situation.

You know you're in this village with this beautiful house and you've got all these beautiful women young women going to school there and you got the creepy dude.

It's just it's it's real it's phantasmagoric. In fact the screenplay author claimed that he had written it for Mario Bava and then claimed that Terrence Fisher was supposed to direct it.

But it ended up not being.

But no I think it's it's just it's a real Saturday night movie late Saturday night movie when it's it's really late.

You spend all the day doing something and you just settle in with a dreamy horror film.

Yeah it's kind of a comfort food for the Hammer film fan. Absolutely.

It's it's got all of the greatest hits that you could want.

It doesn't really miss a mark far enough for me to not enjoy it.

There are some things that I absolutely will bemoan in this just like I did when we covered Twins of Evil.

And I absolutely adored Twins of Evil but it definitely has its issues as well.

This is not a by far not a perfect trilogy at all.

Each of the films have their own various issues for sure.

And yeah I can see where some folks would have a problem with it not having Cushing or not having Lee.

But not every Hammer film has Cushing or Lee and some of my favorite ones have neither.

Sure no no it just means that it's never it's just it's not going to be brought up as often and in circles.

I've been a member of some Facebook groups that didn't care for this and didn't care for people that did care for it.

So real snobbish.

Yeah you know what that's you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

It's absolutely fine it's a fucking movie.

You loving a movie doesn't mean no harm at all even if I hate it.

Not at all. Yep agreed.

Right and I can be those people in my life and I don't have those people in my life now.

I could I mean yes there are times when I will savage a movie in my group or I'll start making fun of something if there's something that I don't like.

But I usually try to do a bit of a lampoon where I still try to have some fun with it unless it's Glenn Danzig's film.

I'm never going to be polite about Glenn Danzig's stuff.

I freely admit that but I also accept the fact that this could still be somebody's favorite movie out there that there's something about it that they'll connect with.

Sure. I just don't see it.

It's perfect. It's perfectly okay to disagree about a film but to be like he likes so and so I don't like him now is it's pretty it's pretty snobbish pretty awful really.

It's juvenile and elitist and just plain stupid.

Yep. Absolutely.

Yep. I fully agree.

There's a there's a gatekeeping aspect to it.

Oh the Hammer community I will say for sure has a gatekeeping problem.

That's why I stay out of any of the like Hammer films discussion groups and stuff like that.

Because there's a lot of problems with folks that think that because they love this stuff for a certain amount of time that may have existed before I've been alive then I have no right to have any kind of say or state in what I feel about a Hammer film.

Yeah it's it exists.

There's a there's a whole online community that's bad out there of that and I would just say steer away from it and just discuss a film you want to discuss with people that you already know are not going to be pricks and don't try to seek out those communities.

Yeah, no I know a few people that are big Hammer film fans and they're solid people.

So they are out there. I didn't mean to over generalize.

No I just noticed that like in social media those particular groups have a lot of folks that are like that and not all of them but enough to be the rotten apples that spoiled a bunch kind of deal is what I'm getting at.

Yeah, no, no I know some stories. People just being awful to other people and there's just no call for it.

Yeah, I mean this is this is living proof right if you want to discuss a Hammer film and get an honest feedback and piece of opinion and defense as to why I feel that way you're going to get that with me you know I'll talk to her films that I've seen all day with you and anybody really I mean I can I can message about Hammer films like forever I love them.

Everyone that I've ever seen.

I actually have not found a Hammer film yet that I was like oh fuck you I hate you. It's been like right. It's some of them have been like well this one I didn't like as much like it's always been like at the least it's well this one I'm not as huge a fan of, I probably won't watch this again, you know like a strangler's of the Bombay, it wasn't terrible but it was just wasn't for me.

Sure, no, and yeah that's even though even more genre film, then that is that's that's a pirate film isn't it.

Yeah, they're like the thuggy cult kind of thing but I think it is a little bit. Gotcha. Yeah, pirate is involved with it too it's been a while since I've seen it and I really barely even it didn't really keep my attention so like I don't really remember much about it either.

It was one of those made a lot of films. Yeah, yeah well and they made a lot of different types of films I mean, I would recommend checking out some of their Sherlock Holmes films to like pull the trigger on those you'll actually enjoy them if you give them a shot.

Yeah, the Mascarille is amazing. All right, so I think we've successfully defended this film and you know maybe we've given people a new perspective to look at it and maybe hopefully find the things to enjoy about it.

Because honestly I was looking for something to maybe see where maybe that would be enough to make someone dislike it so much. But really I think the only argument most people will have is it's not Christopher Lee, it's not Peter Cushing, why?

Exactly. Yeah, and yes it is. It's a silly reason. It's absolutely fucking egregious that they tried a Lee replacement but other studios have done significantly worse and cut Hammer some fucking slack.

Oh yeah and Lee ended up doing two more Dracula films after this and so they just kept blackmailing him with people's jobs and he kept coming back.

Well I'm glad that he bit the bullet for his fellow man to be able to have a job, absolutely. Yep, it's kind of it. All right, well why don't we squeeze in a quick question time and then we can close out the show so we'll take a little break here.

I'm going to play a song from Blue Oyster Cult that fits the ending of the film and that's right folks, it's burning for you. When we come back we'll have question time.

[Music]

[Music]

All right, that was Blue Oyster Cult with I'm Burning, I'm Burning. The songs I'm Burning for you are Burning for you.

Sounds like my childhood, I love it.

Blue Oyster Cult sounds like your childhood, huh?

Burning for you especially, yeah.

Oh, yeah it does.

That song was everywhere.

Yeah it was, yeah. It's a good song.

All right, so let's get over with this late night for both of us and let the audience go with a question time.

Question time.

You can totally go first if you want.

So my question to you is where do we go from here if we continue on and doing Hammer every so often? What would you pick a film?

So another thing that I think I would really like to do is I like this pick a lesser celebrated one that folks don't like or that we know of that is lesser liked and maybe try and find something to like in it and give it its due as well.

I really like that idea of like giving the devil its due.

There you go.

That's like the next two would be the plan and I'm going to say that for the one that we try to pick a lesser loved or lesser known one, I'm going to give that one to you but if you want me to pick one, I already have one in mind that I would love to cover

and I think would be a lot of fun to really dig into and talk about with you.

What do you got?

The zombie one, the hammer zombie film, The Plague of the Zombies.

Yeah, yeah.

Is it Plague of the Zombies? Yeah.

It is Plague of the Zombies, yeah.

I don't have that one and I've been meaning to get it.

Oh, well.

I've seen it.

Yeah, yeah.

But I don't have the Blu-ray.

Absolutely love it.

Well, you know what, I can get you a copy.

I can ship it to you.

Oh, no.

No, I'll handle it.

I'll take care of it.

No, I can ship you a copy on the Dread Ship Nefarious Acquisitions.

It'll be super easy.

No, no, no, no, I need to own it for my collection.

So I'll just, I'll do it that way.

All right.

Well, I'm not going to tell you not to buy a hammer film, obviously.

Sure, sure.

No.

All right.

And obviously, probably, I don't know why I said that to you.

I can do films other than Hammer.

You know, we don't, we don't have to stick to that stricted adherence.

Well, I am totally fine with covering films besides Hammer or outside of the Hammer realm.

You've just probably covered so many.

Yeah, you've probably covered a lot of them.

No, actually, I really haven't.

The thing that, the reason that I'm hesitant to cover anything but Hammer is because I can't think of anybody else I'd rather talk Hammer to, dude.

Well, well, I appreciate that.

Yeah, we can certainly carry on.

You're my, you're my hammer guy for the show.

That's just how it works.

I'm your hammer guy.

Yeah.

I'll cover Hammer with Matt a little bit, but primarily, man, I want to talk Hammer with you.

So, especially Plague of the Zombies.

I mean, that's got to happen.

Please, Brad, don't hurt him.

Nice.

Oh, that's a deep reference.

Somebody's really got to think about that one.

There you go.

All right.

Did you have another one or should I do my question time for you?

Do your question time.

All right.

So, my question is actually a little bit more of a, of a brain puzzle.

So, this one might hurt a little bit.

Okay.

I was wondering if you thought that perhaps there was an actual through line for all of the Karnstein films in this trilogy or if they're only loosely a trilogy because they all have Karnsteins in the storylines.

No, they're as loosely based a trilogy as you can get, I think.

I haven't seen Twins of Evil since you and I watched it for the thing, for the episode, but we're, it was Count Karnstein, wasn't it? It was a younger version.

Yeah, it was.

I think just.

The Count at the time, yes.

Yeah. I think, I think it's very loosely, they're loosely related, if at all. I just think it's, it's Hammer taking Carmilla and making three different horror films out of, out of one source material, which I think is astounding.

It's like variations on a theme then as you view it?

Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, you've got, in The Vampire Lover's, you've got Ingrid Pitt, and it's, it's like a really solid adaptation of the book from what I understand.

And then Twins of Evil is completely different, and it's Hammer, a little stunt casting with the twins.

And you've got that, and then you've got this, which is, this takes place at a sexy girl school. I just think they're, I think they were probably, it was probably like retroactively applied.

Maybe they talked about it back in the 70s, maybe not, someone else smarter than I, that knows more could say, but I think it's kind of been like a retroactively named kind of thing.

It's just variations on a theme where they keep hitting the Karnstein thing, so they just package them as a trilogy later on, you think?

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense, absolutely. All right, so I had another one that just popped up on the top of my head, right?

Okay.

Would you be interested in seeing an actual through line of this where Carmilla McCarly, where it's a reincarnation where she keeps coming back in some way, shape, or form, or the Karnsteins keep coming back because they're not properly disposed of as like a limited run series?

Would you be interested in something like that?

Sure, absolutely. In fact, I did some math and if you go from 1830, 40 years into the future enough, you hit 2030, which is right around the corner.

Ooh, that would be interesting, a more futuristic take on the Karnstein's returning.

Would be due another visitation. I just think it's so funny that the poor minister's like, "No, it can only be done this way," and then he finally gives up. He's like, "You guys are doing great. Good job."

Yeah, that's 40 years from now I'll be dead. He doesn't care. He's like all the boomers in freaking climate change. He's like, "Yeah, I'll be dead by then. It doesn't matter."

I'll be dead. It doesn't matter to me. That's funny. Okay, so I would be down for it, but I would want it to be done by Mike Flanagan and I would want it to be done very similarly to how he handled the Midnight Mass limited series.

If he would take the Karnstein feel of these three movies and that exact same sort of eroticism but very subtly applied, very much innuendo and very much sensuality for the eroticism and then done it with the way that he put together Midnight Mass where there's a flow through of all of the stories interweaving and everything like that. I would love to see that in a Karnstein-type limited series.

Yeah, I'm a big Flana fan. I love that Flana fan. That's awesome. Yeah, I coined that. I will accept responsibility for that one. Flana fan, that's awesome. But no, we didn't watch Midnight Mass because my wife did not enjoy the first episode. It reminded her of something unpleasant.

That's absolutely fine. He does really tap into the deepest, darkest parts of our psyche. Yeah. Yeah. So I watched the second episode on my own at lunch one day, which is a rare thing for me to do. So I wanted to watch the rest of it, but I didn't want to subject her to it.

I have enjoyed everything he's done except for Bly Manor I did not enjoy. I think it was just mis-marketed, really. But no, yeah, absolutely. His take. I wish that somebody had, of course, I think Amazon has swooped him up. It was a Netflix deal, but I think Amazon has got him now.

But yeah, seeing him take on a more traditional vampire story. I think that would be really neat. A gothic horror film with his sensibility, I think would be a really interesting film. Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. He's got a wonderful eye. He's really good at shooting vast cavernous rooms and making it just feel like it keeps getting smaller and smaller every time you look around it.

He somehow makes this giant world feel so claustrophobic all at once. Yeah, no, he's he is great. We've been fans. We've been actually fans since what was his the first one, the one for Oculus.

Oh, did he do the Ouija Origin of Evil one before Oculus? Was that him? That was after it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll look it up. Yeah, I'll look it up. We got that from Netflix disc years ago and really enjoyed it and kept remembered his name and hope that he did, you know, more films.

But yeah, we've been with him since Absentia. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. See, I came in at Hush. That's where I came. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's that's a terrific place to come in to you.

Yeah. And I went backwards from Hush. I was aware of him with like Oculus and things like that. But the stuff that this man is involved with and all the things that he has produced since then. Yeah. How can you not be a flan a fan? I mean, for certain.

- For certain, the thing that solidified my love for him.

And then also I was a little bit disappointed

in the Haunting of Bly Mather,

but I really loved Doctor Sleep

and that's what really solidified my love for him.

And I've gone back without any expectations

and watched the Haunting of Bly Mather banner.

And I think you're right.

It was really, really kind of mis-marketed.

And I think if you go back and watch it,

knowing that you're basically watching a loose adaptation

of Turn of the Screw, it's a lot less disappointing.

And you know what?

The Turn of the Screw story in and of itself

has never really grabbed me

no matter how many adaptations of it I may have seen.

- Really?

- Yeah, so I don't blame you

for not really connecting with that one.

It's not that it's bad, it's just it's kind of hard

to connect with all those characters.

- Yeah, I'll say this for you.

Doctor Sleep was a sequel to a book,

a sequel to a vastly different movie

and an adaptation of a new book all at the same time.

He juggled all three elements and did so superbly.

I'm a huge Doctor Sleep fan.

- Yeah, I think it's absolutely excellent.

And the houseguest that we have currently staying with us

is also a huge fan of those two movies together.

So more than likely, I will be sitting down with them

and having a shining Doctor Sleep double feature.

And I can't wait.

- Perfect, perfect.

- Well, I think that's about gonna wrap up the show for us

unless anything else we need to add

on the question time discussion.

We'll be here all night talking

about our love of Flanagan, so.

- Yes, no, no, I think we did another superb job.

- Yeah, I'm really happy with how this turned out as well

and I haven't even edited yet.

- Well, good, hopefully it's better than last time.

I tried to learn from the episode.

- Well, that's what podcasting is.

You're a little rusty 'cause you've been out of the game

for a while, but I'm gonna hone your skills

before Richard gets you back.

- That's right, yeah, no.

We're gonna credit you with all my improvement.

- All right, well, let's go ahead

and roll the ending "Legion" promo

and then after that, the "Two Witches" song

near Carla that I promised everyone

because that really fits with our discussion tonight.

- Nice. - When we come back,

we will close out this show.

- If you enjoyed this show,

then make sure you check out the other great shows

on the "Legion" podcasts network,

like "Cinema Psy Ops", "Cinema Beef", "Devour the Podcast",

"Duncan and Bo Come Correct",

"Exploding Heads" "Horror Movie" podcast,

"Fry Gay the 13th" "Get Slayed", "The Helming Power Hour",

"Hello, This is the Doom Show", "Hero Hero Ghost Show",

"Kill the Cast", "Underwater Kaiju from Outer Space",

"Jerry Hates Action", "Legion After Dark",

"Metal Health", "Obsessive Cinema", "Discourse",

"Pick Six Movies", "The Podcast by the Cemetery",

"The Podcast on Haunted Hill", "The Psychosomatic Podcast",

"Rick Radio", "House of Wax", "Dude Looks Like the 80s",

"Rabbit and Red Radio", "The Shadecast",

"Short Bus Cinema", "Two Drink Minimum Commentaries",

"The VD Clinic", "Who Will Survive Horror Podcasts",

and "Witch Versus the Doomsday Clock".

With such a wide spread of shows,

there is guaranteed to be a niche for you to fall in love with.

Horror, politics, movies, books, sex, music, commentaries,

health, video games, kaiju, action, news, comedy,

and opinions that would most likely get you killed in some parts of the world.

We are proud to bring you some of the best podcasting in the world.

Check us out at www.legionpodcasts.com,

iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, YouTube,

and any other dark corner of the internet where podcasts can be found.

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

All right, so that is "Two Witches" with the song "Mikala",

which is inarguably about the Carmilla/Mikala thing going on, folks.

No doubt.

All right, so before I run in and do all of my show housekeeping,

and I'm going to run and gun it because, like I said,

it's getting late for both of us here.

Why don't you tell the folks how to find you out there

and your amazing show that you take part in?

You can find us on Facebook.

There's the "Hello, this is the Doom Show" page,

and then there's also all of Richard's ways to get in touch with him,

DoomedMovieThon.com

Send us a name, Ulysses.com.

I'm on Facebook, too.

Just shout at me.

The group I want to definitely mention,

it's not actually named "Hello, this is the Doom Show".

That's the "Doomed MovieThon Multiverse" is the name of the group,

because it handles all of Richard's endeavors

and just kind of sandwiches them all together in that one group.

But that is the group I referred to in our last special

as a place where you can come and share your opinions and thoughts

and love of film with zero ego,

because if you start to act like a dick in that group,

you get pruned out, and it's awesome for that.

You get booted out, yeah, when he doesn't suffer fools lightly.

Absolutely.

It is definitely a place to check out,

and I'm kind of the only fool that he suffers, I guess.

No, with pleasure.

All right, folks, I know you want to get out of here as well.

The main place to find my show is also the place to find Brad's show,

which is LegionPodcasts.com

There's also a good place to have discussions.

Basically, the whole of the Legion network is there.

It doesn't get as much of a hustle and a bustle as you'd think,

but the Legion Discord chat also has really good discussion thus far,

with no egos involved, just a bunch of people talking about stuff that they love

or being relatively polite if they dislike it.

Nothing really all that rude ever happens there,

and let's try and keep it that way, folks. It's awesome.

Now, this is the rundown for the memes for Cinema PsyOps,

because that's really kind of what most people know as far as all the stupid memes I share.

They get shared first to Cinema_PsyOps, Thrice Daily,

and then to the Facebook page, CinemaPsyOps,

and then the Facebook group, CinemaPsyOps, all aptly named for the show,

and then it's also shared to my main page, Cort PsyOps, as well,

which is where you can reach me there on the book of the faces.

Well, I don't really have a way to get out of this all that easily,

so I'd like to thank Brad once again for doing these hammer specials with me.

Thank you.

Everyone else, kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch.

Boom.

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

Hello, sir.

Hello, how are you?

I'm doing great.

Hey, you're coming through loud and clear.

The Bluetooths must be working for you.

Yes, I hit Bluetooth right before this started because I was prepared.

Awesome, you're getting to be an old pro at this already.

Tell you what, go ahead and start your recorder on your side

and give me a three, two, one, clap.

Okay.

Hold on a second.

Sure, that's fine, man.

Take your time.

It is so awkward.

The power button is right where I need to be.

All right, let's see.

All right, lust for a vampire, three, two, one.

I think I could probably sync it up with that.

I don't need a clap.

That's fine.

I'm so used to doing this.

Here, I'll give you a clap.

A little bit of a pause in between and everything.

I can sync up with the clap and all that.

That's fine.

Sure.

No, I got you.

I guess Richard does it different.

He goes by the count.

That's like a traditional editor way of going by just a count.

I usually do that for quick edits like when I screw up and I need to fix it.

That's when I do three, two, one, and then don't clap or anything.

But the sync of the clap just really helps sync up multiple timelines like that.

For me, anyway.

No, I understand.

Yeah, no, he's always done.

We've always done three, two, one, and that's why I did it just now is just what I'm used to doing.

Well, he's way more professional at it than I am.

That's for sure.

No, no, no.

He just, he obsesses over it.

Yeah, same thing.

We're saying the same thing just a different way.

Yes, absolutely.

All right.

You ready to rock and roll?

I'm ready to go, man.

All right.

So I'll do my shout intro.

And the only thing I got to warn you about this week is the songs that I picked for the

pirate radio edit version of this are super long, not a single one of them's under four minutes.

So I just moved it up to when dialogue starts.

And then in editing, I will level everything out to where we'll be talking over until dialogue

starts like I've done before.

But instead of playing it out and just extending the night out, I've just cut like the minute

to two minutes or whatever it is for the intro stuff.

So, all right.

So we're ready to rock and roll.

And we go for my quick edit trick.

Three, two, one.

Just moving some clips over here.

So just seconds.

Like I said, there's 19 of them.

So once I clear out some, I got to move some up so I can keep going on this little soundboard

program I got.

All right.

That's good.

Save it so I know where I'm at.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Everyone else kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch.

Boom.

All right.

You can go ahead and stop the recording on your side.

All right.

I did want to say before we go that Richard told me today to tell you that if you wanted

him to be on your show, that he was allowed to be on your show.

Well, I can do a special with him like that.

It's just scheduling with Matt is really difficult right now.

Sure.

I got you.

He just wanted me to throw that out there.

Absolutely.

And I think this is where I'm going to stop the recording.